Im fourteen and getting a new stepmom need advice?

Question

I'm a 14 yr old girl and my dad just recently came back into my life, he was an alcoholic, he's been serious with this chick for about 3 yrs its not like shes mean or anything but I'm still i little nervous, i don't know how I'm suppose to act, also i dint want to be in the wedding, and I'm not calling her mom i already have one if anyone has been in a situation like this i would be grateful for advice also it would be great if you could give me tips on how to show her i like her just its gonna take me time to have any sort of connection with her

Answer 1

Honey you sound like you are quite wise, only shy around talking with her.

Before the wedding, ask if she and you could have a serious talk. Providing she agrees to it, go to a neutral place like a park. Sit down and simply tell her you are feeling a little nervous about your future together. Tell her how you would like your relationship to be. Example:

It wouldn't feel okay to call you mom, since I have a mom. What else would you be comfortable with?

I want to come to your wedding but I don't want to be in the wedding. I hope you don't take it personally. I am more of an observer type.

I hope we can take time to get close. I like to be sincere with friendship and I try to know a person well, little by little. What's nice though:  I already like you so half the battle is won.

(Choose words that are right for you, this is just an example)

Don't let a little fear stop you from having this conversation. You have a right to your feelings and to be heard and have your feelings respected.

Like-wise, be interested in her feelings. Ask what she feels.

Answer 2

Hon, give the relationship time.  I can see where you'd be uneasy, and I'm sure they'll know that you'll need a little time to embrace the new relationships with both of them.  You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders...go with your heart.

God bless you, Darlin'!

Answer 3

I have been there on both sides. Just be nice. She probably knows that you are nervous. Any more step moms don't expect to be called mom. If you talk to her  and let her know how you feel, you will feel better and so will she.

Answer 4

Miss Star -

I can tell you that I married my husband when my step daughter was 15.  She was great to me and my daughter, and our relationship has really grown over the 20 years we have blended our families together.  I feel very blessed to have her in my life.  She has not and does not call me "Mom", she calls me by my first name.  She has a Mom, a really nice lady that I like a lot.  But that doesn't mean that we aren't close.

Try to find something you have in common.  And, know that this woman could very well become a friend.  I have gone to bat for my step daughter several times - like, for instance, prom.  Dad wanted her home at midnight.  I said are you crazy?  Nobody comes home before 3 or 4 in the morning!  Give her a break! She stayed out.  When her wedding rolled around, I told her how much money we would give her to help out.  Her Dad about fainted - but then he is a cheapskate!  There have been lots of other things, too.  So give it some time and find your ground with her.  Ask her to go shopping - who doesn't like to do that?

I think it's great that you are trying to find a way to get to know her and not just saying "she's a witch - i'm not having anything to do with her".  Good for you.  You sound very mature for your age.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

i sooo get u i am in the egsect situation. i no it feels like no one really understands but i do. wat i did was u no just got to no her. we would to little things like go to get our nails done or things like that. it turned out that she was a really nice lady. and i figuered out that she helps my dad make sure he takes care of himself. dso be happy that he has someone responsable there to make sure he is makin the right choices. hope things work out!

Answer 6

Be yourself, if she is a good person she will accept you for you.

You don't have to show any special attention to her, just be your father's daughter.

Answer 7

You don't have to put on any kind of show.  You have a personality.  Just be proud of who you are.  She will have to accept and respect you just the same.

Just enjoy her, because she's obviously going to be a part of your life so make it something really fun.  Try to have a great time when she is with you.

If ever she does anything to upset you, do not ignore that.  Confront your mother or father about it and if they don't do something about it, then you take control.  Don't ever think you don't have control. Just make sure she never upsets your life in anyway.

I wish you all the luck.