Im furious!! Am I justified

Question

My MIL, whos a bit loopy, has accused my partner of I of being bad parents. She justifies this statement by saying that we are too strict with her because we didn't allow her to feed her a doughnut and chocolate when she was 7 months old. I won't allow my daughter to stay with her overnight as she drinks too much and is on anti-depressents. However, I have told her she can visit whenever she wants. This is not enough for her and she has begun saying crazy things about my parenting skills. Do you think I am justified in my reaction to her? This is my first baby and Im trying so hard to do the right things for her.

Answer 1

You poor thing. Worrying about someones feelings that should be putting yours and your childs feelings first. You are bringing your child up the way you want and are protecting her from any unforeseen problems.

Carry on and if she doesn't like it then she will not be welcome any more.

Answer 2

That' too bad that your MIL has this drinking problem, and I know it makes dealing with her extremely hard.  I think that you are justified in your actions of not letting your daughter stay the night, but just visit.  Yet, I think that you are letting your "furry" get the best of yourself.  I would take some time to pray for her and her drinking problem and let it go.  Don't let your MIL's actions consume you (trust me, I have issues with my MIL as well).  There is only so much you can do, as you have been doing, and the rest is up to God and your MIL.

Hope your situation gets better in the future.

Answer 3

my mother in law insisted on having our son for me to return to work rather than him going to creche. now my inlaws seem to think that my son is theirs! it really annoys both me and my hubby but we are in the wrong to say anything. you have to remember that this is your child. i truely believe that how a parent decides to raise their child is their business and others should butt out (provided no harm is coming to the child obviously). you will find that as you have more children you will relax a bit more each time - but dont ever leave people question your parenting because that is bang out of order. my mil went through a phrase of telling everyone else about what she thought about our parenting and we had to go around having to explain ourselves to others which is out of order (this was because our son used to throw himself on the floor and hit out when he couldnt have his own way, in the end we used to put him up in his travel cot in his bedroom until he calmed down so he didnt hurt himself or our other children - but that was our business, not the rest of the families). tell her to mind her own business and if she has a problem with your parenting to contact social services to see what they think. good luck hun, x

Answer 4

Appears you are within your parental rights with your policy as MIL's idea of nutrition plus the drug and alcohol combinations do more than merely "imply" at risk or child endangerment possibilities.  Many social workers would agree with us and your offer of supervised visits are generous enough until she modifies her behavior.

Answer 5

Absolutely justified - she is interfering and frankly it is none of her business.  Tell her if she can't be pleasant and criticises you again you don't want anything more to do with her.

Who is she to judge what type of mother you are - she doesn't sound like a great grandmother to me!

Answer 6

If shes drunk and on anti-depressants I would take anything she says with a pinch of salt. She is obviously in a bad place and you should not take anything personally, however hard that may be. x

Answer 7

My Father is an alcoholic, he drinks a bottle of vodka every night.  There is absolutely no way my children are allowed to be around him when he is drinking, full stop.  My MIL also likes to feed her grandchildren junk food; I tell her straight, "no, they are not allowed to eat that".  MIL didn't like this at first but I now believe she respects me for always putting my children first because that's what parents do! You are doing everything right (apart from worrying about doing it right).  

Answer 8

we went as far as to change our cell numbers and move because of a similar situation.  it took only about 6 months for mil to come around to our understanding.

Answer 9

d**n right you are!! You need to tell your MIL straight, you can't feed a 7 month old baby doughnuts and chocolate, its way way way to unhealthy, doctors have said that they are unhealthy for adults so that much sugar and fat is going to cause some major damage to a child. Also the fact that she is on drugs and alcohol (MIL not your kid) is bad enough as well. At the end of the day you are the parent and you have absolutely every right to tell whoever whatever you want in the interests of you child. Discuss with your partner and ask him to break it gently, if that doesn't work tell her yourself.

Answer 10

If she is drinking while taking anti-depressants then you are right. It states right there on the label do not consume alcohol. I would talk to your partner about talking to her. Let her know the reasons why you feel uncomfortable.She needs to respect your decision. And always trust your instinct when it comes to your child. A mother's instinct is rarely wrong.

Answer 11

Maybe the problem is you being furious.  Sounds like you are judging her unfairly to me, and trying to get sympathy for your side by bringing up that she takes antidepressants, so do a lot of people who are good people.

And if you are some kind of health nut and wont give your kids any sweets at all you probably think one glass of wine is Drinking.

I think you are withholding information and this has nothing to do with a piece of cake.

Answer 12

I think you are justified.  I wouldn't allow my child to have sweets at 7 months.  I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my child stay overnight with her grandparents and they are wonderful loving people.  You are the parent and you have every right to do what you feel is right.  

Answer 13

MIl's aarrghh!! Just carry on chuck, it's your child and your beliefs. She just having a moan because nothing you do is her way. Domineering old boot. Just remember one day you might be a MIL too. Good Luck