Im getting 2 boys to foster - HELP!?

Question

Hi there! Hubby nd I cant have children and the waiting list for adoption is 6 years here, so we have decidd to go into foster care to help children that so badly need help and to be able to make a difference in their lives!

I know when the mother is ready to have them back i will be very sad, but i will know that i helped her!!

ANYWAY, Hubby and I are fostering 2 boys! 2 and 4 years old! We are meetng them next week and I NEED HELP!!!

I need to know what do i need?! I have their room decorated with a cot and single bed, but what else like toiletries and toys and what do they play with!

I am sooo excited as I do not have childen, but i am ready! (hubby has 2 boys so he will teach me the ropes! lol!)

Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

Answer 1

wat u need 2 do is first reconise their needs,such as if they have a severe medical problem like asma or such.if they have any of those kind of problems u need 2 make sure u or ur hubby dont have habbits that could trigger problems.if u do then u need 2 find a way so that  u can still b around them safely.u also need 2 make sure u have the rite medicene 4 them.and i dont mean 4 u 2 go over bored on all those children medicenes,if they have no medicene needs then think about physical needs,of corse u need a safe enviroment 4 ur newly adopted children.if u have stairways and they have gaps in the railing big enough 4 the children 2 fall and get hurt,u need 2 cover those up with somthimg like plexiglass.2nd u need 2 think if u have all the things the boys will need 2 learn 4 growing up.if u need help u can google it or see if there is a book at ur local libary.also u need 2 make sure at least ONE of u will b with the children at all times no matter wat.if u both have jobs or there is an event where both of u HAVE 2 b away from the house,ask a family member of a friend u KNOW u can trust 2 watch them.make sure 1 of u at least has steady finaces(sp?)so if 1 of them gets hurt u can get the needed medical help and have food and other essentails 4 them.u should also think about the neighborhood,such as if there r any children they can socialize with or if there is a person that could hurt them such as an abusive person or with a criminal record.4 instance,i lived in 4 a while a neighborhood a few months ago where almost ALL the neighbors where badapples,in fact or neighbor RITE NEXT 2 us was in prison 4 RAPEING  his NEICE!i had 2 make sure my lil bro and sis werent out there after dark or when my mom wasnt home till i went 2 live with my gram.also,do u know how long ur gunna have the boys?if its a few years,then u should make them a part of ur family,but also make sure they know theirs.if its less,then let them in as much as u can,and probably treat them.if u do get the boys and the mother claims them back,see if there is a way u can take them in such as on weekends and stuff,or holidays,since u r gunna b their part time family 4 a while.other wises,it sound like both of u r good and ready!i hope u have those boys 4 a long time and r happy!=3

Answer 2

I fostered a little girl for 6 years.

My advice:  Love them.

It may not be an easy ride - depending on what has happened in their past - but keep your cool and be a source of strength, a reliable person they can count on.

When you said you would be sad when the mother is ready to have them back - it is very sad. A hole left in your heart.  Is it worth it - YES.  You also wrote you'd be helping the  mother out - but remember, it is the children you are helping out - and for that I commend you.

Toiletries and toys will come to you.  Everything doesn't have to be perfect.  They just need a safe environment where they feel totally secure and cared for.  The agency can help you with their physical needs.

Kudos to you and your husband for stepping up to the plate.

I know I wouldn't change a thing (even though I miss that girl everyday).

Answer 3

Everyone touched on the important issues.  I would also say that nurturing and having a stuffed animal that is only theirs is important.  It gives them a sense of attachment and something that is a "buddy" or "confidant" which will lead to better self esteem.

Maybe they can pick it out themselves.  It gives them some feelings of control.

Answer 4

First thing I can tell you is be ready for all the baggage they bring with them.  Getting foster children and caring for them is very different from raising your own children.  They have started life with their parents and their parents values, morals, etc.  So be patient and set realistic expectations.  Also I would ask the case worked to find out what they like.  Then you can get things you know they will enjoy; play cars, puzzles, etc.

Things to have around.......

Toy cars

Balls

Books (Board books are great)

A few DVD's (Curious George, Cars, etc.)

Maybe some small (not too small) toy animals

Dresser for their clothes

Hampers for dirty clothes

Toy box/crate

Small cuddle blankets (something that is theirs and they get to keep forever)

Children's Tylenol/Motrin

Baby wash and shampoo

Hooded towels

Small drinking cups and sippy cups

A dish set for each that is child sized (and their special one)

Diapers, Pull ups, wipes (see what size they use and if either is potty trained)

Kid friendly snacks and food (cereal, fruit, crackers, juice, etc.)

Mattress covers for the beds.  Accidents and leaks at this age are fairly common.

Most important........a lap to hold them on, a heart to love them, patience to understand them, and home to shelter them.  Put those together and it will far out weigh any toy!  Best of luck fostering is challenging but very worth it.

Answer 5

Boys are action oriented.  They like things like cars, tractors, construction toys, sand toys, balls.  In the books I've read, it's not suggested to buy toys that look like guns because of the trauma some kids have been through.  One of the favorite things I got my nephew was a little bitty tent.  They pop up in seconds.  Go to any department store and look at the toys for boys that age.  You can often get some great buys at yardsales, thrift stores, and from the yahoo group called freecycle in your particular area.

A bigger tricycle, and big wheels are great outside toys.  

Please remember to send their toys with them when they leave.  It's hard for foster kids to come in and out of homes, and then to have to leave everything.  Also be prepared to quickly make a run to get some clothes for them, because they often come with very few belongings, and might need them, especially underwear.  Bubble bath can make them feel  little less self concious so you can help them get their bath, and their "private parts" are covered with bubbles, plus it should be a fun time.  Also, so many kids that get put in foster care are not able to reunite, and do get adopted, and so many end up going back over and over.  Good luck, and I'll say a prayer for these little ones!

Answer 6

Doesn't your state have a foster parent training program?

Answer 7

Cars, action figures, coloring books and crayons, maybe a ball or two, larger Legos, kids' books etc. Anything that will feed their imaginations.

When you go shopping look for things that are age appropriate.  You can always ask other moms in the toys section what they would suggest for that age.  

As far as toiletries go, their needs are minimal at this age. Soap, shampoo, toothbrush and toothpaste is all you will really need. You could get cool cases (a plastic easy open pencil box is great) for them to keep their stuff in. It would make them feel extra special.

The most important thing is to fill your home with love. If they are in foster care it is most likely because they were abused or neglected. Remember these kids could have a lot of stress and anxiety (yes even as young as 2). They may have separation issues, and lack of trust depending on their  backrounds.

You will need tons and tons of patience and understanding.

Good Luck to you, and Thanks for taking care of foster kids.  Not enough people are willing to do this, nor are all people suited for this kind of thing.

Answer 8

When we first started doing foster care, I hit the garage sales pretty heavily and picked up a bunch of toys, videos, books, stuff like that.

Answer 9

There is a huge difference between having children and fostering them.  You should speak to other long term foster parents now before you get these boys.  I have a colleague at work whose mother fosters and some of these kids are so messed up it makes you cry.  The one thing they all got was a toy to keep.  So I suggest you buy two bears or some soft toy and give it to them to keep even when they go.  They need to have something that belongs just to them.  What they need cant be bought at a shop, they need time, patience, security, love and understanding.

GOOD LUCK!!!   :)

Answer 10

\Bless you for fostering. I know it wouldn't have been an easy decision to do this, and as someone who grew up in a home where my parents fostered children as well, I know it is hard to say goodbye when the time comes.

Everyone else has said about what toys you need, so I won't repeat that...in my experience, so long as some have wheels it's fine with most boys. What I would like to say though, is don't overwhelm them with things, and all you provide for them now, in the way of toys, clothes, toiletries, let them be theirs when they leave. My parents also gave them their pillowslips so they went to bed with something familiar. With those and a cuddly toy to love, they hopefully didn't feel so alone.

I'm sure that despite whatever problems they come with, they will also bring you great joy. Open your heart as well as your home, for that's what they will need the most.

You and your hubby are very special people. God Bless.

Answer 11

I am a single foster parent of five. As the children came to me, my then 5 and 1 year old, brought a few personal items with them. They are now 7 and 3 and i am in the process of adopting them. The five year old had a stuffed snoopy that he brought from his birth home. I allowed him to keep it and didn't even wash it for a couple of months even though it was filthy. He slept with it every night and packed it around during the day until he "weened" himself from it. He still has it and leaves it in his room. He sleeps with it at night. The one year old's security was his pacifier. Of course he was almost two and within a few months I broke him from it.  When they first came, I had a basic supply of toys. It is very important for the children to have security and stability. The best thing that i found to help the children adjust is a routine. When I opened my home to another 2 year old, it threw our routine into a whirl wind, but we adjusted and got back on track. This child didn't have anything to bring with him, so I let him pick out a stuffed toy to be his very own nite nite toy. It also helps for them to have their own space. I labeled the kids dresser drawers with their names so that they had their own place to keep their special things. Are you planning to be an adoptive home if the children become available for adoption or are u holding out for an infant? If you have any questions I would be glad to try to help, or if you just need someone to talk to when things get tought, my email addy is [e-mail].

Answer 12

First I want to say God bless you both. You have decided to put your hearts out there to reach a child who so desperately needs it. My boy loved dinosaurs. I tried to stay away from army type action figures as I think these type of toys breed violence.  Play doh is great. coloring books and craft that are age appropriate.  When they get to you I would take a nice pic. of each of them and hang it up so they can walk by and see they have a place in your home. All kids like their pic.s on the wall. They are young and for the 2 yr old I would recommend a potty chair. They will probably need a night light. Also the tent idea is great. Above all these boys will need love and tons of attention. This world needs more people like you two to take care of our children so many are lost in the system. You are awesome.

Answer 13

My parents are also foster parents, and have had children from 3 days old to 17 years old. Just get them the things you would any other 2 or 4 year old. I don't know about you, but we have tons of children in my family, my mamaw who is 91 had 10 kids and over 40 grandchildren, and god knows how many great grandchildren, so we are always giving each other toys and stuff when we get new kids because my parents, and 2 of my aunts are foster parents. Do know, that for the mother to have done something for them to be placed in foster care that they could have some baggage.  Be careful, because all the children my aunts  and most of my foster bros and sis tear up stuff like crazy because they were never taught to take care of stuff.

   we have had children who were scared to death of either men or women. They also of course being that age will miss there parents for a while unless they were that bad.  Be careful and don't loose your temper because I'm sure they have seen things no child should ever see.  

     Also, when it is time if they ever go back, you really didn't help her.  The mother will never be ready to get them back. I would lay money that if she wants and gets the kids back it is for a check. I just want to let you know that.  These kids were taken because they were abused, and that is the mothers fault, and im sorry, I know some of them change, but the state paying for a full time babysitter and her food and junk isn't going to do anything. I know it will but hard when they go but remember that you did all you could to give them a happy and safe home while they were with you.