Im going to continue my depo shots behind my husband back anyway is this wrong considering my reasons why?

Question

me and my husband have one child that is 2 and half years old already and i Refuse to have another.

i love my husband but our marriage to me is not stable for a second child.

im always on the verge of packing my bags and leaving which seems to be like on a bi-weekly basis.

he is the only one working as im still looking for work as i have only been back living with him for 2 months,in which i have been on the verge of leaving at least 4 or 5 times within the 2 months of my being back home living again as husband and wife.

he makes little money .

he comes home when he wants.dont get me wrong i love him dearly and we do have a couple good days here and there but really i cant trust just that and mess my self up by getting pregnant a second time by my husband. a lot of time we disaggree and most things have to be his way.he doesnt want me taking birth control and he is totatlly against it 100% and if he could have it his way i would have 2 kids by now and more than likely prgnant with a third.

really my issues with him are too numerous to type but i see it as right now i can feel sorry for myself and other ppl feel sorry for me but he i let myself get pregnent by me then its like i didnt learn the first time and its like ppl will be asking well if he's like this would in the world would you get pregnant by him AGAIN didnt i learn anything the first time .

i belive that there will always be a woman to take care of a man but there WONT always be a man to take care of a woman.

so if push comesto shove i cant be stuck with kids and struggling because of him?

Answer 1

move on

Answer 2

Why are you staying with him if you are so unhappy? Just move on. Sooner or later he'll give you an ultimatum to have more kids or pack your bags,

Answer 3

i think you are doing the right thing-

you need a stable home and relationship to bring children up.

look after yourself -

chin up huni

Answer 4

I feel your being smart but if your marriage is that bad than why are you still together and why not in marriage counseling if your marriage is that unstable than you need to really concider counceling

Answer 5

Ouch.

First, it sounds like you are very upset right now.  It is best not to do anything hasty, unless you have got to.  So, try to calm down.  It takes two to argue, and if you don't, well... :)

I do not agree with your taking it behind his back, but your reasons for doing so sound valid to me.  A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not an ownership.  Not telling him will lead to a future arguement, but it is better than an unwanted pregancy or something worse.  

Be aware that he could hide your pills, shots, or whatever, if you keep them at home.  I have known husbands and parents to do this.  

I get the impression there are a lot of things you two need to discuss, and he's not much on talking.  Try not to blame yourself for what has happened in the past.  You seem to be thinking well, about pregnancy, so I assume you have a clear head about other stuff too.  Remember, it is your body and you have the right to control how many kids you have.  

Children need a stable home.  To me, it doesn't sound like he offers much of one.  It can take two people working to have a family today, but does he try to improve his job postion or anything to help out too?  

Hang in there and try to stay calm and out of the middle of anything, just to make it easier on you.  If you have someone you can trust and talk to, maybe you can come up with some answers.  Relationships need trust and communication, which seems to be denied to you.  While I hope you don't have to leave under duress, it would be better to have a plan already in place so that you can follow it until you calm down and get settled in a safe place.  A checklist, at least.  If you can stick some money back, set up a place to crash, and so on, it will go better than a last minute deal.  Also, as my cousin learned, he could kick you out, so planning ahead can save your butt.

Good luck and be safe.

Answer 6

give yourself some credit!  what you need is a good dose of positive reinforcement- you seem like you have your child's best interest at heart...that's a good mom.  

women fought for years for the right to use birth control so TAKE ADVANTAGE of your rights and take control of your body.  

you're young, envision what you want for your life and go after it, whatever it is.

and if he's not making that much money and you're ready for a change, go back to school, get some financial aid, use all the resources available to mothers with young children so you won't ever have to worry about a man again.  

Answer 7

Stay on the depo

Answer 8

The way I see it, it's your body.. You're the one who will carry the child inside you for 9 months, You're the one that will have to deliver it, facing all the risks that could happen.. if you aren't ready to have a child and want to stay on Depo, do it.  I do feel you should tell your husband that you are on it and why - at least that you don't want to be pregnant again right now..  You two really should work on what's wrong with your marriage for your other child's sake since you don't mention anything like abuse, infidelity, etc.. But, if you don't think you can fix your marriage, you are wise to not bring another child into what may end up a broken home.

Answer 9

keep getting the depo. Don't bring another child into this mess.  

Answer 10

And another one bites the dust.

COME ON! Your 20 years old. You married him at 16...WTF! Oh because you were in love...well look at you now. For effs sake, grow some freaking brains. And the worst part about all of this, is that you willingly brought a child into this entire mess! And exactly how is she going to turn out?!!? Exacty like her mother.

What is there to figure out?!?!

Just a bunch of white trashers trying to live. Its disgusting. Have some self respect. Your 20. This is your life...for better or for worse.

Or that you don't marry at 16.

Answer 11

You know you don't have to wallow in your problems, you sound like the honored guest at the worlds largest pity party. If he wants a string of babies he should be a better provider and you're the one who actually has to produce the child out of your body not his.

Answer 12

It's your bod, your business, and at $250.000 to raise a kid to age 18 with nothing extra, what IS he thinking... (yahoo figure a few months ago)

And along with all sorts of things like American Kids have a bigger ecological foot print, there will be 8.3 billion of us on this little planet in 30 years, up from 6.5, and the place is already too crowded with food riots and the rest of it.  Go to Populationconnection.org, and learn all the reasons why none of us ought to have so many kids.

From this posting, hon, he sounds as if he's trying to trap you.... have a brother like that... he's still a jerk at 60.

Answer 13

You BOTH need help. We are only getting one side of the story. If you are that miserable about your husband and have thought about leaving him, why did you marry him in the first place???

Answer 14

You both need to grow up and get your stuff together. You're too young to have one child let alone another and if he's not smart enough to realize that then you have no business with him. It sounds like he knows you want to leave and thinks the only way to keep you is if you get pregnant, but that is SO selfish! You would be bringing another innocent child into a relationship where you both can't even keep a roof over your head let alone afford to take care of two children. Kids should never be used as pawns in a relationship, if you allow it then you both are unfit parents. You're only 20, sounds like you need to take your child and leave. Stay with your own family or friends until you can support yourself and your child. Make him pay child support to help but he needs to figure things out for himself. Once you have children your life belongs to them and he doesn't seem to realize that. If he doesn't now he probably never will. Don't stop taking your birth control, stop having s*x with this guy and get out! The faster you get away from him the faster you can get on with your life. Good luck!

Answer 15

It's your body, take any precautions you need to.  There are enough unwanted kids.  A pregnancy won't solve any of your problems or his.

Answer 16

sounds to me like u picked a winner!