Im having husband problems help!?

Question

Okay so my husband is the type that thinks im his property. We seperated before I got pregnant because we both just could not stand each other. Well everything got better but now its turning for the worse again. I get mad at him for talking down and me and it seems to just make it worse. To get to the point he wants to be with me but he wants us to get a divorce. He wants to fix himself and he said the only way he can do that is if we divorce so he can get his mind togather. We have a daughter togather and he said he wont leave me and he wont cheat on me. So were gonna go from divorced to b/f-g/f. What do u all think of this?

Answer 1

How about a separation not divorce.  This way you both have time to soul search to see in fact if you to are really willing to do to make the marriage work.  To go from marriage to b/f & g/f is quite backwards thinking.    

Answer 2

If he does not treat you with the respect you show him then he is not worth being with, period.

Daughter together or not, your life and your values are just as important as his toxicity toward you.

The child is innocent in all the drama here. the child does not deserve to be a part of a relationship that is not built on love and respect, yes respect.

Answer 3

Sounds like he is demonstrating a lot of the classic symptoms of the abuser:

• Pushes for quick involvement: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser presses for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

• Jealous: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

• Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

• Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

• Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." May deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

• Blames others for problems or mistakes: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

• Makes others responsible for his or her feelings: The abuser says, "You make me angry" or "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

• Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

• Cruelty to animals or children: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

• "Playful" use of force during s*x: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you against your will during s*x; finds the idea of rape exciting.

• Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

• Rigid gender roles: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

• Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

• Past battering: Admits to hitting a mate in the past but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

• Threats of violence: Says things like "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," then dismisses them with "Everybody talks that way" or "I didn't really mean it."

Sounds like you need to just get the divorce and child support, and try to find a good husband/stepfather for the kid.

Answer 4

That sounds nuts. Get counseling. If he wont go then you go alone. He is trying to manipulate you. There is something he wants that he isnt telling you.

Answer 5

I agree with Blah. Give him his divorce and get child support from him. I don't think that it's right that he wants to be with you on the b/f - g/f terms. He is not man enough. Just give him his freedom.    

Answer 6

I say get away from this guy...sounds like he has some lose screws...Give him the divorce he wants and get child support for your daughter. You should be with someone that treats you with respect.

Answer 7

the question is.. what would YOU tell a friend who was in this situation and then think about why you arent taking your own advice. honestly, i would give him his divorce. the make sure i get child support and hope he tries to be an active father figure for his children. sounds like a crock of shiat if you ask me.  

Answer 8

That's a stupid idea. Why get a divorce unless you are sure that it is over???  

Answer 9

1) You start some couseling if you can (goto a marriage counselor even alone)

2) You need to just let him do what he thinks he needs to do. If that's getting divorced than he needs to do that

3) If he divorces you, you both need to get separate housing and separate lives.  If he wants to start "over" then he needs to get counseling himself.

I absolutely would not live with somebody who wants to divorce me but have me totally obligated to them and their habits. NO WAY.

Answer 10

Your husband really sounds like a dingaling. Sorry.

Answer 11

I would try counseling before going thru a divorce.  Maybe he still wants the freedom of the single life.