Im having twin girls one baby is perfectly healthy and one has water on the brain and may have down sydrome...

Question

Im going to be a teenage mom and i wanted to raise my babies 2 would be super hard but if one had down sydrome it would be impossible and i dont have money for a disabled baby there are people that would love to have her if I put her up for adoption would it be wrong to keep the healthy baby that I could raise and i know they should be kept together but i wanted to keep them both so bad what should i do other then keep my legs closed next time.........

Answer 1

This is a really hard one you have to decide yourself.

if you want to keep them both then do it. It maybe a little harder with a down syndrome child but its something that you are going to have to live with. This child is yours and you should try to the best of your ability to keep it

Answer 2

This is a very difficult situation for you, I'm sorry.

You may already know this, but hydrocephalus (water on the brain) can be treated with placement of a shunt to remove the water build-up and most people with this condition lead a normal life with few problems.  As far as diagnosing down syndrome during pregnancy, it's a complicated process and not always accurate.  I've included this link to help show why:

http://www.ds-health.com/prenatal.htm

The only truly accurate way to know is through DNA testing and since your age is not a high risk group, I doubt you were offered this.  Anyway, if it's not for sure, you should wait to make decisions until your baby is born.  There is financial help for raising disabled children and I agree with some of the other people that you should try to keep the twins together if at all possible.  

If your baby does end up having down syndrome try to find out as much as possible about all the help that is available to you before making any decisions.  Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear that and keeping praying to God to watch over your babies. I am just giving you my opinion! I would keep my children because God blessed me with them. You should love that child with all your heart and treat them equal. I have a daugther with special needs and I cannot imagine my life without her. She is talented and smart ! Although she is facing obstacles in life; she still have a chance to be a normal adult. You can get help from the government with medical care until you are able to afford it. Girl, keep them babies and the 1 twin might come out fine!

Answer 4

You already had decided to want to raise your children.  If one of your children is born with Down Syndrome, you will probably find yourself amazed at the number of programs available to help children and families where this condition exists.  It's not an uncommon condition.  Firstly, your child will be eligible for Social Security Disability.  Secondly, there are lots of programs in the public schools for special needs children.  There are also specialized, independent programs available for people with Down Syndrome.  

Start looking into programs now.  Speak with the Social Security Administration about benefits and programs.  The phone number is 1-800-772-1213.  Speak with the school board in your area.  Check your local phone listings for agencies that work with developmentally disabled children.  You won't be alone, as there is a lot of help available.

Best to you,

Laurie

Answer 5

don't shame yourself for getting pregnant. Its not about keeping your legs closed, right now you have a heck of alot more to be thinking about than keeping your legs closed.

I believe in keeping families together. Especially twins. My cousins are adopted, they are twins and often growing up they said they didn't know what they would have done without eachother. They are one. They're not two. Separating them would have been devastating to them.

What kind of help do you have available to you? do you have parents that can help? are they willing? This is a tough situation. I think its really hard on the child if you give him/her up just because she has special needs. And keep the healthy one. Thats really awful. I can't even imagine it.

Give it a try before making an adoption plan is all I ask. Just try parenting and see if you can do it.

open adoptions are not enforceable by the court of law.

Answer 6

Get some good counseling before you make a decision.  Call a local support group for parents of children with Down Syndrome.  See the reality of raising a special needs child.  They will know what kind of support is likely out there from family, and community.  They know the challenges and rewards first hand.  Then also seek out adoption counseling.  Get educated about what that is really like as well.  Open adoption offers you the opportunity to stay involved in your children's lives, as the openness is defined by you.

And despite what you were told by Gershom "Gershy" telling you that all SHE asks is for you to.....This is YOUR decision.  It is your responsibility to make this decision as a mother.  And mothers are called on to make decisions that are in the best interest of their children, not themselves.    And, Gershy is incorrect in saying that Open Adoption is not legally enforceable.  It certainly is, and should be.  (See the Gladney Adoption's historic presidence setting case).

Good luck to you.  Use your instincts and do what you know is the best for these two babies.

Answer 7

I think what you said is best,,,,,,everyone is going to freak,,

and say all kinds of things,,,,,,,,,,,,,

You don't have to keep your legs closed,,,don't have a child

if you are not in a position that you have a fair job and can take

care of it with work and not suffering with money,,,,,,

Answer 8

I have a beautiful daughter who is Downs syndrome, i get help with money as her carer.  I can't advise you what to do but the work i have put into my daughter shows and i am extremely proud of her.  She has a great personality. I'm not gonna say its been a bed of roses, but not many children are easy to bring up!  i wish u luck with your decision x

Answer 9

geez. don't pick and choose. and seperating twins ? thats pathetic.

Answer 10

Nothing is "impossible". There is so much support for you & your "special" child.  Including financial support.  

How you feel is not "wrong", but you will learn so much and gain so much from BOTH your children. Right now, you have no way of knowing that...or seeing into your future.  I know, because I have 2 children, one who is special needs.  He is such a blessing in my life!  And honestly, like you, I was afraid when I first learned of his disability.  Yet, we have made it through the years.  Find the support you need. E-mail me! I'll be happy to send you more info.  

God put this child in your life for a reason. He has a greater faith in YOU than you may have in yourself.  

God bless, my friend.

Answer 11

So in other words your think about giving away your defective child and keeping the healthy one? Their are tons and tons and tons of services to help people like yourself in this situation...

Personally kids should not have kids as they are not mentally grown enough to problem solve.. especially something of this nature.. but... that does not mean with little effort you can't adapt...

I guess it all depends on how much heart and courage you have...

Just don't let anyone influence your decision.. there are no experts here.. all their is is people with opinions..

Read them all.... negative and positive.. then follow your heart...

Answer 12

I'm sorry you have to make this decision.  There are a lot of mean people on Yahoo so don't take everything to heart.  Only you can make this decision.  If your looking for approval just think about what is best for the child.  Thumbs up to you for not getting an abortion.  It takes a strong individual to give up her child and or decide to keep the baby.. We all make mistakes. I would seek professional help concerning the decision.  Maybe you could let a family member adopt one that way they wont be apart permanently.  Good luck on whatever you decide.

Answer 13

No matter how hard it will be, even if one baby does have a disability you should do your best to raise both of them.  The problem with putting up a disabled child for adoption is that she may not be adopted.  There are fewer parents out there who will accept a special needs child, and if she goes into the foster care system she may not get the care and attention needed to thrive that she would get from you.

There are government programs and local resources to help you raise a child with disabilities.  Very difficult, yes.  But I think you would find it very rewarding too.  In the meantime, say lots and lots of prayers for her now because you won't know for sure whether she is disabled or not, and God can work miracles!  But even if she is, and even if it's hard, you would have fewer regrets caring for her no matter how tough than putting her into the system.

Answer 14

Sweetie this is going to be okay.......are you aware that you can get SSI (Social Security) for your disabled child?

There are many programs that are funded by the state for education of special needs kids. If you separate these twins it may be very hard on the healthy twin to understand why you did this later on down the road. I would not make any plan until the babies are born. One day at a time.

And as for the keep your legs closed comment....it's obvious someone has put this in your head. Sweetie do not ever let someone disrespect you by saying this again. You have value and worth....you are the mommy to two little beings who need you!!!! Unplanned pregnancies happen....it may not be the ideal situation but who is anyone else to judge you? Have we not all made mistakes???  These babies need you....I hope you really think this through and look to others who will support you and not bring you down.  ((( hugs )))

Answer 15

There is support out there for parents of downsyndrome kids. There are programs that can probably assist you finically. I will not lie likely you will have to give up some things, but being a teen mother and to twins that would be a given even with out a special needs baby.

Most Agencies today will not separate twins.  Are you for sure the baby will have down syndrome?  Y

That said if you did try and place one for adoption the healthy child would be placed much much faster, then a downsyndrome baby. Its sad but true it takes a special person(s) to adopt a child that has  a disability. They can cost a lot of money for their healthcare.  Think what this poor child might think one day that they were cast away because they were damaged goods, just because they got an extra gene or whatever.   On the other hand the disabled child might never fully grasp it. The majority of downsyndrome kids I have been around or worked with though volunteer work. Are just happy kids, they don’t feel anything is wrong with them, and just want to smile and give you a hug.

Tough choice. My advice,

1. Decide nothing till the babies are born.

2. Research any programs that will help you care for this special needs baby.

3. Seek counseling.

Answer 16

This is not a case of keepin your legs shut!!

You must feel pretty low at the minute to be thinking about seperating your twins. I think  that you have got to speak to someone about how you are feeling right now. This site wont help you hunny. You wont see anything more clearly when speaking to us.

Talk to your health visitor, your doctor, your midwife!! Just talk and dont make any descions just yet.

I hope it all works out for you. xx

Answer 17

If you dont feel that you can provide adequate care and special attention required for a special needs child, I would do what feels the best for you. You also need to think about your other daughter that would need care as well. If you do adopt one out, you can still have her be a part of your life and have her know and play with her sister. Its not like she will disappear from your life. It must be a very difficult and heartbreaking decision, so I wish you peace of mind and strength!

Answer 18

I just wanted to say that the docs told me the exact same thing about one of my twins when I was carrying them and she turned out perfectly healthy.

There is no definitive test with twins because they can't do an amnio on just one of the babies.  The nuchal fold scan I had which led to the worrying diagnosis in my daughter turned out to be innacurate - I hope this is the case with your baby also.  

Keeping my fingers crossed for you and wishing you and your babies all the luck in the world.  I hope you have plenty of help and support for the early days - you will manage and you get double the love with twins, it's amazing

Answer 19

To be honest.  If both children were going to be born with NO problems them I would say either keep them both or give them both up.  If they were both born with no medical problems and you gave one up and kept one, the one that you gave up would always wonder why they were given up and the other kept.  Making life really hard for them.

But since one is going to be born with a sever medical problem and will not completely understand what is going on and/or even know.  Then if might have less of an impact on them as to why they were given up and not there twin..

DO NOT feel bad at what ever choice you make.  You are doing what is best for all party's.

Answer 20

its ur responsibility hun

how would u like it

if your parents left you because you had a disability

and kept your brother/sister

if however your child finds out the truth somewhere down the road,

imagine the hatred and the dissappointment...

i know its hard but i think you should keep them both

or put them both up for adoption

:( hope i helped <3 im with yah in whatever you wish to do..goodluck and may God help you out!

Answer 21

I'm so sorry, what a heart wrenching decision to make!

There are government resources to help care for disabled children, including medical expenses.  Start looking into them now so that you can get a handle on what resources and options are available to you.  Your doctor's office should be able to refer you to a medical social worker who can help.  (Note:  Medical social workers aren't like Child Protective Services.  They help people with medical needs find all of the resources available to assist them.)

As to your question, you are the only one who can answer that and I sympathize with what a crisis you're in right now.  Knowledge is power.  You need all the information available so you can make an informed decision.

As to being a teen mom, there are a lot of us out there who had babies as teenagers.  Now is not the time to worry about shame and guilt.  You've got plenty on your plate right now.

Good luck!

Answer 22

The legs closed comment makes me question if this is real.  If it is, then don't beat yourself up over having s*x.    As for babies, there are grants and aids that can assist with children with developmental needs.  The siblings should be raised together, and you can get supports.

Answer 23

We all make errors in judgment in our life, and so what , that is life. You have NOTHING TO be ashamed of. Only if you kept on making the same mistakes .....and not learning anything from lifes lessons ...that goes for ALL Things in life

You dont even know that she will have Downs, How far along are you ? have you had a Nuchal fold translucency test ? have you had a amnio ?

I wouldnt be counting my chickens just yet. You need to have ALL Facts before making anysort of decision.

I believe in keeping family together, my mother who gave birth to me had a baby BEFORE Me and kept her and then gave me away, imagine how i have felt. And I was a healthy baby..

First I would wait until the facts are through regarding your baby and then consider what path you should take, AFTER Seeking counselling

Answer 24

I was told my child was going to be born with deformities, by more than one doctor. Turned out to be perfect. Nothing remotely wrong.

You've done nothing wrong. Most teens have s*x. It's a natural process of growing up. I don't understand why people always blame the girl and fail to mention the guy?

IF by chance you have a child with Down's, you'll rise to the occasion. Your sister will always be there for her. Let me tell you, that child with Down's, at the end of the day, will bring you more joy then you can imagine. I have always referred to them as "Sunshine" babies. This child is a special blessing upon you. BUT, you won't really know for sure until she is born. Everything will be fine. People will come to help you. That's the beautiful thing about single moms. They reach out and help each other. I had more friends and support system when I was single, then when I got married.

Everything will come together. Try not to fret.

Answer 25

Hi, i am an identical twin and i would say to either give them both or keep both. Twins have a connection that is hard to separate

I couldn't live without my twin

We are extreamly close and do everything together

Answer 26

YOu'll be amazed what you can pull of, just by being a mom. You find strength you never knew you had. There are organization that will help you like MRDD, SSI, Medicaid, WIC, and you can look into respit foster care if things become overwhelming. If you find it is too much, There probably people who would live to adopt your baby. Keep in mind open adoption agreements are not legal and are uninforcable. Look into family adoption first.