Im looking for the funniest joke...?

Question

I just want to know ur funniest jokes. Whos ever joke makes me laugh the most will get 10 pointzzz. Okay lets see them...

Answer 1

A blond walks into a bar and says ouch.

WHat has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

How does every racist joke start? (look over your shoulder)

if you just want to laugh.... go to this: http://motifake.com/index.php?start=4028

Answer 2

A bear walks into a bar.  He bangs on the counter with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars” The bear goes to the end of the bar and eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "Yeah you are. That was a barbitchyouate."

Answer 3

A women has this man who isn't any good in bed.She sees the doctor,and he gives her viagra. He says, "only put one in his coffee and i mean only one". She did and things got better. So she thought to her self...."I wonder what would happen if i put the whole thing in there". Things did not go so well.

Next thing  you know there is this little boy sitting on the porch.A police office rolls by, stops and asked him what is wrong. The little boy replied,"Well for starters my mom's dead,my sister is pregnant , my butt hurts, and my dad is in our back yard going here kitty, kitty kitty, KITTY!

Answer 4

Joe walks into a restroom stall, turns, drops his pants, starts to sit down then falls to the floor.  What Happened.

The toilet backed up.

Answer 5

A chicken and an egg were lying in bed together,

The chicken rolls over and lights up a cigarette and says,

"now that answers that question."

I just saw that joke somewhere else on here so here is another....

4 guys go out to play golf, one has to take a p**s and goes around the other side of this tree to take care of business...

the other three guys waiting around start bragging about there sons...

the first guys says, "my son is a car salesman, and he is doing so well that he was able to give a brand new car to a good friend oh his and didn't charge him a dime."

the second guys says, "my son is a stock broker, and he is doing so well that he was able to give a friend of his a complete stock profolio and didn't charge his friend a dime."

The third guy says, "my son is a home builder, and he is doing so well that he was able to give a his good friend a brand new house and didn't charge his friend a dime."

The fourth guy comes back from around the tree and the other guys ask him how his son is doing, and he says, "My d**n son is a q***r and is working as a stripper down at the local g*y bar, but apparently he is doing really well for himself, he just got a new car, a new stock profolio, and a new house and it didn't cost him a dime!"

Answer 6

A little boy is outside playing with his new toy airplane

He makes it fly up and goes "vroom, vroom ,vrooom! and he lands it.

He says, "All you m*th*r f*ck*rs getting off ...Get Off! and

All you MoFu**ers getting on, Get ON!!

So he raises it again "vroom, vroom, vroom "and he lands it.

"All you MoFu**ers getting off, Get Off!

All you MoFu**ers getting on , Get On!"

Just then his mother who hears him from the kitchen says, "Johnny, Get In Here!! I heard the way you were talking to your airplane people. You go to your room and think about what you did."

After a while he came down ready to be nice.

So he once again picked up his plane, "vroom, vroom, vroom" and he lands it

He said, "All you nice people getting off, you can get off. And all you nice people getting on, can get on...

And all you MoFu***ers bitching about the 3hour delay..

Take it up with the ***** in the Kitchen"

MAKES ME LAUGH EVERY TIME!!

Answer 7

What did one talking muffin in the oven say to the other talking muffin in the oven?

"Man it's hot in here!!"

"WHOA!!!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!!"

There was a family of olives sitting on the counter and the baby olive went a-rollin' and a-rollin' and a-rollin' off the counter. so the daddy olive says "are you okay baby olive?" and the baby olive says "Olive(like I'll live)"

HAHAHAHA  those are only really really funny if you've had a lot of caffine/sugar!!! lol

Answer 8

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg

so when I sleep it feels like I'm with a woman....

Answer 9

lol

Answer 10

ok this q***r walks into a deli and finds the biggest salami, he tells the meat cutter "ok ill take this one", so the meat cutter says "so how would u like that sliced, the q***r says "sliced?!?!, does my @ss look like a piggy bank to you"

OR....

   Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.

Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.

So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"

Answer 11

1. There were two Irish guys working for the city. One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Aye, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees, he is sick today!"

2. Control to Pilot: What is your Height and Position?

Pilot: I'm five feet eight inches and I'm sitting down.

Answer 12

A man visited his lawyer to seek advice on making a will.

"What exactly is the procedure?"said the man.

"Leave it to me."said the lawyer.

"I knew you'd take a big slice,"said the man,"but can't I give something to my children too?"

Answer 13

A guy walks into a doctors office and says "Doc can you help me I think i'm shrinking".

The doctor says "Sorry sir you'll just have to be a LITTLE PATIENT!!"

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Answer 14

The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable.

The three of them decide to duck inside. On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.

"Jesus Christ!" he says.

Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a h**l of a lot better than Clyde!"