Im not Happy in my marriage, is this a silly reason to get divorced?

Question

The truth is i got married because i got pregnant. I was only 17 when i happened so i didn't want to shame my family so i married my boyfriend, which i thought i loved but realized it was just puppy love, I'm only 18, its only been a year. We are both going to college and my baby is so beautiful. My husband and i get along good, you know like friends. We seem like were going down the right path, his parents help us financially, pretty much we got it made. But the problem is i don't love him. i wake up everyday wishing to be someone else, i try to make myself think its just a phase but it really doesn't feel like it. Our marriage is fine, and hes a really nice guy and all but i DONT love him! What should i do? If i leave him ill be a single mom with no career and major financial problems, but if i stay with him ill live a life of misery. Help me please this is tearing me apart!

Answer 1

I'm not happy in my marriage, is this a silly reason to get divorce?

        answer= you say you and your husband get along good,you have a beautiful baby,his parents help financially,what's more do you want,try to improve this marriage ,instead of a divorce,your life could be worse after,think about it,take good care of that baby,give him a good and happy home,instead of tearing this home to pieces,divorce is a curse,and will turn your life upside down,stay and try to improve the life that you have,there are too many divorces already in this world of ours.

                         all the best,

Answer 2

You should never stay with someone you love.it's a waste of your time and his.just be honest about the way you feel.

Answer 3

Sorry but don't be silly, try to work on it, for ur baby life.. love will come later on, u still young and u will love him take off all this bad thoughts from ur head and u will live well, try to love him, try to look at him by different way.. wait one more year life for sure will change if ur feeling the same do what ur mind tells u..think and think and think very well, we don't know what we got until we lose it......

Answer 4

since you are so young, you have time to go to college and get a job to support yourself. You need to sign up for classes THIS WEEK and tell your husband that you will taking some classes. Find out what interests you and do it. Try nursing, you can support yourself with that.

Then, get a part time job.

Then you need to have a talk with your husband and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you'd like to leave, right now you can't and would he mind you staying with him til you can save up some $ to go.

You can also try marriage counseling.

Answer 5

Should've thought about that before getting pregnant. You made your bed, now sleep in it and stop whining like a little baby.

You no longer come first, your baby does, and if it's your babies best interest you stay together with the father, then you stay together with the father. What you want NO LONGER MATTERS.

Answer 6

the mistake many do is to use their hearts in a relationship but in a relationship you use your heart and mind.

i believe you can help yourself is just that you want peoples opinions, tell you want, analyze your problem and state with your tools, your heart and mind, you'll get thru it. AND don't be selfish think abt ur kid, ur husband and every1 ur decision will affect includin urself.

Answer 7

You said that you got along like friends.  That doesn't seem like you would like a life of misery.  Every marriage has it's rocky points.  Have you talked to him about how you are feeling?  You really haven't given your marriage a chance yet/a year is not that long.  I don't know how you can say that you don't love him-not at all.  It sounds like you have already made a decision.  Remember if you do get a divorce you will not be the only single parent-your husband will be also.  

Answer 8

Every time I felt that way I was lucky enough to be waking up next to a man who was able to love enough for both of us till I found my way back. And you know what? Everytime he had doubts about whether he loved me or his life he was lucky enough to wake up next to a wife that remembered what he did it and in turn would love enough for both till he recaptured what he thought he'd lost. We are now in our 27th year

Answer 9

I would give it more time. You have it better than a lot of married people. Some married people don't even like each other. Try to make this work, be romantic and s**y with your husband. You liked him enough to make a baby with him. I think you want the thrill of new love, new romance. You need to make the best of the situation. Think of your baby and your future.

Answer 10

You got married for the same reason lots of people do, regardless of age.  Continue going to college and finish your degree before you cut him loose.  You could start saving a little money, and you could also try talking to some of your friends, maybe spend a little more time with them or go out with friends to liven things up.  You could leave him, but right now it would be a huge mistake for you.  Give it some time, try to work on whatever problems you have with him that make you feel this way.  There has to be something he is doing or is not doing that makes you have some of these feelings.  I believe at one point in time you probably did care for him quite a bit, if not then you knew what you were getting into.  If you cheat, you jeopardize the whole marriage and your honor.  I hate to say this, there are plenty of people in love with their spouse but they have no monetary support, and vice versa, and sometimes that's as good as it gets.  Or in your case, at least until you finish college.  Good luck.

Answer 11

Don't worry, we all make mistakes, that's life and we have to learn from it. i cant believe how tough people are being with you! my advice would be: wait for a year and see how you feel because you have a child and he sounds like a good guy, marriage is hard, but if you find it unbearable to be with him then rethink your life.

I met my ex partner when i had just turned 17, he was 29 and gave me everything, well mainly financially. I did love him and we got engaged when was 21 then we had a baby. from the outside i had everything nice home, car, lots of nice holidays but i felt empty and alone. Something wasn't right, i lived quite far from my family and friends. He wasn't there for me emotionally, he had a coke problem that no one knew about but i couldnt leave because i thought i would lose the stability of having a family unit. when i did leave (after 7 years!) however it was tough, i left with nothing and built up what i have myself. it's the best thing i ever did! it was empowering! i have now met someone who is amazing but no big house or cars just lots of love, support and friendship, i've never been happier and i wouldn't swap him for the world!! we are now expecting our baby on 30th october! thought i would share that with you.I know how your feeling!  Good luck with your future!

Answer 12

In your question you stated that it is a silly reason. It is not a reason to get a divorce. You married for better or for worse and so far the way you describe your husband, you are on the good side. Do not let life hit you and bring deep regret in your heart. In the years to come you will be green with envy to see that he is giving his best to another woman. College will be over and major financial problems put aside, he could be on easy street with a different career woman. You said that life is a misery now. Wait and you will see what misery is really all about after you create the wrong turn in your life. He is a good person, do not cheat on him for silly reason.

Answer 13

You wouldn't be the first single mom on the earth. But if you don't love him why play this game? I know things sometimes are easy to say and yet so hard to do. But the way I see it is that I would rather live in a shoe box and be happy, then to live in a mansion and be miserable. You have to do what you think is best for your child and yourself.

Answer 14

you should have thought about all this before you laid down with him.  but now that you  have and you have a child, it's time to live up to your responsibilities.  and that would be your child and the family YOU created with this boy.  it's grown up time and you need to get with the program.

Answer 15

Well, you decided to have a child you couldn't afford, and then decided to enter a lifelong commitment "not to shame your family."  Good luck un-doing all that.

That said, try to give yourself some time to love him- see if there isn't something there that caused you to fall in love with him in the first place.  The first year of marriage is the hardest.  And remember, you'll "shame your family" by getting divorced, right?  If you still don't love him, then it's time to choose who is going to be happy- you or your family?

Answer 16

Your a college student so free counseling services are available to you.  That includes relationship counseling.  Call your school's counseling center and set up an intake appointment.  Don't fool yourself that you're going to find the answer that is right for you posted here.  

Answer 17

Sorry, but your children's happiness and well-being is more important than your own happiness now.  There is no good reason for tearing their family apart and taking away their security.  Just because a lot of people get divorced does not mean children are okay with it; telling yourself it's better for them to have a mother who is 'happy' is just a load of bunk, so don't go there, either.  They want their parents together, they want their home life to be secure.

Most married people fall in and out of love, but if you behave as if you are, you will be much happier.  And you may very well find yourself falling in love again.  But even if you don't, you can still have a nice home and family life.  

Don't leave your husband and subject your baby to new men coming in and out of your life.

Answer 18

OK  I am going to tell you the truth about marriage.  You are not always happy in it.  When you are not happy you figure out why and get busy working on it.  A lot has happened in the last year and you have a lot adjusting to do.  dumping your husband will not make you happy.

Answer 19

Your happiness is your's alone.

You are responsible to make yourself happy.

Blaming your spouse for the lack of your happiness is stupid.

Answer 20

this is the reason why we tell girls to make sure the guys that they have s*x with use a friggin condom.  well honey you have made your bed, so now it's time to lie in it!  

Answer 21

i will try and give you the best advice i can.

well i read some answers and they keep telling you to stay with him for the baby. but the truth is that you have to be happy first. its bad to grow up as a child and see ur parents not in love (from experience) its better for it to just be you and the baby and him seeing her all the time than the three of you and you always wondering what if. anyway he's ur friend right? don't you want him to find someone that will love him like everyone wants to be loved?

i am in a similar situation but not exactly. i got married at 18, no baby, just thought it was the right thing to do cause of my religion and everything. i am 22 now and still together but the truth is that when i turned 20 i changed so much and we are both different people from the ones we married. i love him yes. but sometimes i am not sure if its best friend love (we have been best friends since elementary) or the forever cant live without you love.

i am trying to say that it's complicated making a choice and i can sympathize how much harder it is for you since ur thinking for two.

but remember that in the long run do whats best for you. the truth is that your baby is young and if you both give her all the love you can she wont really see u beiing apart as the main thing. be happy. u only live once.

now, any advice for me? e-mail me.

Answer 22

If you can do the deed, then you better grow-up fast and handle what you did.  Sorry, not much sympathy for you.  

Answer 23

Ive been in your shoes and it sucks:( It took me 11 yrs to figure out that I didnt love my husband and that I would never bee happy with him. I fnally found the courage to leave but its not easy you need the help and support of your friends and family trust me if your not happy you will never be dont try to fool your self. You guys are better off as friends then husband and wife.