Im pregnant, and im thinking of adoption. Does anyone have any suggestions/comments?

Question

Also does anyone know of any adoption agencies that are good or that that know anything about?

Answer 1

My suggestion would be to read through this booklet published by mothers who have walked in your shoes before you:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

I am sure by now the vultures are circling and that your inbox will be bursting full with requests that you consider them as parents for your baby.   Please remember, whatever sob stories you get about people needing  your baby; at the end of the day this is between you and your baby and any decisions you make should be based upon you and your baby - not anyone elses tragedy, desperation or wants.

I had an excellent adoption and love my adoptive family dearly.  BUT I would never wish growing up adopted on my worst enemy - I missed 'my people' too much.

Take care of yourself and I hope your  boyfriend stands by you - he sounds like a good guy.

Answer 2

Is there not a relative who could take your baby ..adoption is so final but if you are sure then you are a brave person and are probably thinking  of your child ask  a lawyer or someone from a church to point you towards the right direction . try the catholic church I remember seeing a sign something alone and pregnant we can help so they would be able to advise you and help  you .

Answer 3

I gave my daughter up in 1972. It was a difficult decision and a decision I wish I hadn't had to make, but I did and that's it. I can say I do regret it and for years it ate me up, to the point of making me sick. Of course it was a closed adoption, so I always wondered how she was, if she was happy and even if she was alive. I felt guilty and it wasn't until I decided to look that I felt the weight being lifted off my chest. I had counseling and reunion and that helped me.

Keep your baby, because somewhere down the line you will wish you had. It might not be 3 months or even 3 years, but the time will come when know you made the wrong decision that you should have tried harder to keep her.

Please, please talk to other birthmoms and do not make any decisions until you have looked in the eyes of your baby, something I was not allowed to do.

Answer 4

Wow...people really like to speak their mind about adoptive parents, "vultures and horrible people"  Stop!

I adopted my daughter 2 years ago and it was an experience that I never thought i would go through but it was the best experience of my life. We were going through infertilty treatments and were approached by a friend of a family.to adopt their baby. We grew a close relationship with the birthmother during the last 5 months of her pregnancy, talking on the phone weekly and meeting a few times, the ball is in your court as far as comfort level, the birth mother really calls the shots to most extents, we now have a semi open adoption, the birthmother gets letters & pictures twice a year and was present at my daughters christening. we talked there & she said that we saved her life as much as she saved ours. I know that it was the hardest decision she ever made but I know the circumstances she was in made it impossible to be a mom at that time in her life and she did the most selfless thing by putting the needs of the baby first. we now have a beautiful happy little girl and she is the best thing that ever happened to us. I suggest you thoroughly research adoption through adoption.com  or a similar site. If you are unsure you can give your baby a stable & safe environment to live in or you are unsure you can be a good selfless parent 100% all of the time this is something you should consider, it does not make you a bad person, it makes you a person who would give anything to give your baby the life it deserves. Please people do not make adoptive parents out to be vultures and conniving monsters, they are wonderful loving caring people who want to make the childs life as well as the birthmothers and their own a better one.

Answer 5

hi i am 20 years old... and i was adopted at birth... My birthmother gave me up because she was 20 years old, and already had a 2 year old little girl... and my father ran off on her... she was pressured into giving me up by children services.... she was told it was the best thing.. and i would have a better life.. ect...

What i know... is.... through my whole life... i have felt alone... and anger and pain... i never felt like i belonged with my adoptive parents...  ever since i can remeber i have wanted to find my birthmother.... I have been searching since i was 13... i just found her at the beginning of april 2008... and i am going to meet her in 1 week!! I have never been so happy... all i know is... you should try and keep your baby.... your baby needs you... and will want you... My birthmother had 4 other kids after me... trying to fill the empty space it left in her heart.... but it never did.... so please... i know how it feels to be adopted... and if i were you... i would do whatever it takes to keep you little preicous baby...

Answer 6

Not all adoptive parents are like that... My God, after recently finding out that I will never get pg naturally, I've started looking into adoption, and would hate to think that ppl are giving this sort of advice. I'm sure you're capable of making the best choice for you and your unborn child. Best Wishes.

Answer 7

Wait until you are close to term; you may have changed your mind by then. If not, talk to your doctor, and the government adoption agency. I would avoid private adoption agencies, unless you have solid proof of their high reputation.

Answer 8

You could always do a private adoption. My husband and I have been trying for 2 years to have another baby, but we can no longer conceive. We have 5 children 24, 17, 12, 9, 4. The older two do not live with us. Private adoption as long as you are comfortable with the adoptive parents can be a blessing for both parties. If you are interested in a private adoption you can email me back. We have decided that we would rather have any money going to our child, not an adoption agency.

Good Luck!

Tammy

Answer 9

Make sure you read this -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

And watch out for those that are desperate for a child - they'll tell you anything - then you'll never hear from them after they get your child.

(open adoptions are what is best for a child if you go the adoption route - but they are NOT legally enforceable)

I know too many mother's that completely regret their decision to relinquish - and I know too many adoptees that hurt - daily - from being given away by their mothers.

Bottom line -

The absolute loving choice - is get your self together - and parent this child.

At least give it a try.

It's what is the absolute best for your child - as long as no harm is present.

Answer 10

It's really a choice only you can make.  Only you can decide if you are ready to be a parent.  Nobody here can tell you that adopting is the right choice, or if parenting the child is the right choice.  It's entirely up to you and your unique circumstances.

My best advice is to look at all of your options very carefully.  Do research, ask questions, make sure you completely understand your rights, responsibilities and the adoption process.  Likewise, do just as much research on the resources and assistance available if you choose to parent the child.  Rally your support: friends, family and if appropriate, the baby's father.  Remember that unless there is a compelling reason not to involve him, he does have the right to be a single father and must agree to severing his own parental rights.

Just remember that you don't have to make a decision right now.  Make sure you've got all of the facts, then decide what is best.

Answer 11

here I go again, going to make someone upset, but I cannot be who I am not- someone said that you are not considering abusing your child, that parenting is better- adoption should be only for those children that may be abused or neglected.  WOW- is that narrow minded.  I am adopted and my birth mom never ever thought she may abuse me, or the 2 birth moms of my two adopted children never thought that either- however they all knew that they could give me a better life if they placed me for adoption.  Ignorance like these comments gives adoption a bad rap- and that is sad.  That said, I am not saying to place your child, if you think possibly down the road that you will be able to raise him/her, so don't take me wrong. Whatever area you are in, has adoption agencies, and also lawyers that specialize in adoption.  Go and talk to a social worker, or a counselor at a pregnancy help center, and they can help you make the wisest decision. God bless, and good luck to you.

Answer 12

Of course adoption is something you should look into very seriously before making a decision.  Once you sign away your rights to the child, you cannot change your mind. However, in some cases I think it is the best decision you can make for yourself and your child. I am  an adoptive mom, so also very pro-adoption.  You do need to be careful that you are working with ethical people that won't pressure you into adoption if that isn't right for you. You can only sign the papers after your child is born, no matter what has happened before that (matching with adoptive parents, signing up with an agency...). So if you don't want to place your child for adoption, you don't have to.

That being said if you want to make an adoption plan before your baby is born I think that is a good idea (some in this group do not think so). You can find potential adoptive parents that you will be comfortable with, and who agree with you about the level of contact you want with the child after the adoption. You can find families online by searching for agencies or "waiting families". We matched with our daughter's first mother online two weeks before the birth. She is really a very warm and strong person, and of course we are thrilled to have our daughter and can never thank her enough. We worked  with an agency in california that I liked a lot - adoptionconnection.org. All their adoptive families are in CA, so if you want to visit with your child that might not work depending where you live.

All the best to you  and your child.

Answer 13

You can never be certain what sort of life your child might have if you give him or her up for adoption.  (Some like to pretend that adoption means giving a child a "better life," but there are no such guarantees, and you can never "know" that's what will happen.)  Your child wants to be with you.

Answer 14

Wow, a whole lot of answers and unsolicited advice on here! Many adoption agencies will provide counseling and resources for you while you make your decision. I don't know what state you are in but one reputable agency that I would check into is Bethany. Check out their website at www.bethany.org. If they have any office near you they might be able to assist you. Just think long and hard before making a decision!

Answer 15

People like myself are looking to adopt. Placing this baby up for adoption is a great idea. You are smart to want what is best for you both. Let me know if I can help you in anyway.

Answer 16

Please consider keeping your baby.  Adoption is only in the child's best interests if abuse or neglect are present.  If you don't plan to abuse or neglect your child, s/he would much rather stay with you than be raised by strangers.  Open adoption is a farce; the adoptive parents have no legal reason to keep the adoption open after finalization.  Some AP's will lie, cheat, and steal in order to get your baby, and the adoption agency is just in it to make money - LOTS of money.  Your baby is a hot commodity, unfortunately.

If you do decide to give your baby up for adoption, I have no advice for you.  I wish you the best.

Answer 17

It is too early to go to an agency.  Please look for counseling elsewhere that will help you explore all of your options, including parenting your child.  Agencies will immediately begin to indoctrinate you into the idea that it is best for both of you if you give your baby away by telling you lies about young mothers.  Agencies can only make money by getting your baby to sell to someone else.  I recommend that you contact CUB (Concerned United Birthparents) for advice.  They will tell the TRUTH about adoption.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

Also, the father of your baby must be involved in the decision.

By the way - do not believe anyone who tells you that open adoption means that you have a year to change your mind.  That is not true.  Open adoption is still adoption.  Once you sign papers to release your child to adoptive parents, there is no going back.  Open adoptions are not legally enforceable.  Many adoptive parents will promise you anything to get your baby and then once you sign papers they go back on their promises.

Answer 18

That is a tough situation your in... but you will know when you make the right decision.. thats all I can say. I have been where you are.. at least in the consideration of adoption.. I know that obviously you are trying to do whats best for the baby.. and you need to discover what that is. Sit down and think about all the reasons your considering adoption.. and all the reasons your considering keeping the child. Only you know what is best for this child.. and as a mother.. it is your responsibility to make that choice. It is extremely difficult. I believe that adoption is something that takes a lot of love.. but so is keeping a child. You have already proven to care about the well-being of this child.. by the choice you have made to carry the baby inside of you.. and for that I am sooo proud of u.. many people take the easy way out.. Adoption is NOT that! I decided in the end.. to keep my child.. and I can tell you even though I am a single mom.. I have no doubt in my mind that I made the right choice.. but I also know people who have places there children that feel the same way! Contact an adoption agency.. sit down with them.. ask to meet a few families who have adopted... as well as people who have been adopted.. talk to them.. ask questions.. get a feel for all of it.. You will know.!!!! Be patient with yourself! And just trust yourself!

Good luck.. I know your a strong woman.. as you are researching your options!

Answer 19

Hon-wait a little longer-don't make a hasty decision as this will affect you the rest of your life...There are homes that help girls-u can actually live there and they will help you!...How about a family member? There is low income housing and u can go to school and keep that little one!...Every child u walk past u will wonder if its yours-just remember that!...I am sure someone in your family would step up and help or take the baby for a while or for good-and if its family they can usually get adoption payments as well.There are alot of people that would take you in and help and show u how to get on your feet-if u do not have family to help...If adoption is really what u want-please do an open adoption-you have a year to change your mind too!...Email if you want and I can help more!...i was a foster parent and a foster child!...

Answer 20

If you need help or want to talk to someone, please call Project Cuddle. They will help you.

They are only concerned about you and the baby. Whether you decide to adopt or not. They will get you the support and resources you need to help you and to make the best decision for your baby and for you.

Their phone number is 888-628-3353. They help women and girls all over the country. The website is projectcuddle.org.

Please be careful with agencies, etc. You want to make sure that they have your baby's best interest and your best interest. Unfortunately, not all of them do.

Project Cuddle is an organization that has no agenda, other than to help you and your baby. Please call them.

Blessings to you. I will be thinking happy thoughts for you and praying all goes well.