Im pregnant and have no money. What do I do? What are my options?

Question

I am 21, w/ 3 kids- ages 3, 1, and 4 months. I am on birth control and still got pregnant. I am struggling now to take care of my family, I don't really believe in abortion but, I don't know what to do- I cant afford an abortion and couldn't do adoption for i would have already bonded w/ my baby. Please somebody help me.....I have about 2 weeks before its too late and need to come up with the money or a solution. I would greatly appreciate any ideas or information. I am so stressed out I dont know whats the right decsion .

Answer 1

Since you're posting here, it seems in someway you are considering adoption. I would contact an adoption agency. they have people you can talk to available 24 hours a day. A reputable agency wants you to make the best decision for you, because they don't want to match you to a waiting family only to have you change your mind (the final decision is always made after the birth).

We worked with adoptionconnection.org, to adopt my daughter and it was a wonderful experience. Her birthmom was a 22 year old single mom, and knew adoption was the best choice for her, especially since she already had a toddler to care for. She chose us as the right family for her baby.

You can also find waiting families online and that may help you figure out if you could place your child with one of these families.  If you choose adoption the family may also be able to help with the pregnancy related expenses.

Answer 2

Contact an adoption agency to discuss an open adoption - where you can still have some contact with the adoptive family.

Answer 3

Get you local phone book out and look up the number of the local crisis pregnancy center. If you can't find one, call wherever it is you get your annuals and birth control, they can put you in touch with the nearest one. They are trained to help people in exactly your situation. A counselor will explore all the options with you, and help you make the best decision for your circumstances.

An open adoption would probably be a good idea. You get to choose the baby's parents from among people who want a baby and would be willing to allow you to be a part of it's life. They have the means to give it everything you won't be able to, and you still get to see it and know it.

How much varies from situation to situation. Some families are totally open about who you are, and you can see your baby a lot. Others prefer the child think of you as a friend, cousin or something, and want to limit how much time you spend with the baby. This is something you would need to discuss with potential parents. The crisis pregnancy center can put you in touch with an agency that handles open adoptions.

That would be best for all involved. If you abort, you will probably feel guilty and grieve for that baby forever. Placing the child with a family who can't have children would ensure it will have everything, and two parents who will treasure it more than anything. You can still be a part of it's life, too.

You already have too many kids to take care of. Even with all the help in the world, you're still going to struggle. When this baby is born, get your tubes cut and tied, or at least get on some more reliable birth control. Better yet, stay vertical when you're with the opposite s*x! That's the surest way to stay un-pregnant. Good luck to you, and all 4 of your children.

Answer 4

Adoption is a long term solution to a short term problem.

Don't chose adoption.

Either have an abortion - or get your act together and parent the child.

Ask for financial assistance if you need it.

I have lived adoption my entire life - I am an adoptee - think how your child will feel when one day it finds out that you kept your first 3 children - but couldn't cope with just one more.

Adoptees have rejection issues their entire lives.

Think long and hard about the implications of the long term in this situation.

Answer 5

I know it's hard, but adoption may be the best thing. What you need to ask yourself is what is the best thing for your baby? I'm sry that you're in a such a hard spot.....

Answer 6

I don't see how aborting the baby will solve anything other than than free you up some financially.  Giving the baby up would something you do for the baby and killing the baby would be for you. That's how I see it. I know that is harsh and I do pray for you. Everyone that I know that has a abortion has had a life time of guilt. My brother was 7th child and his parents gave him because they couldn't afford him. He is very happy. I know it would be hard to think of a child you were not raising. but the adoption could provide pictures and updates so you would know that the baby is okay.  Good luck

Answer 7

I agree with everyone on here except for that one a******.

Adoption is for sure an option.You can have an OPEN adoption. You can still be a part of your baby's life. You don't have to be a stranger. And when you hand that baby over to that loving couple.... IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE GOODBYE!!! It'll be see you later!

Answer 8

the best thing for your baby would be adoption. since you already love it, you should give it the best gift of all- the gift of loving, caring parents able to provide stability and all the financial support the baby needs.

Answer 9

As someone who has had an abortion, I advise you not to abort. I regret doing that. I wish I'd chosen adoption.

Now the shoe is on the other foot for me and I want so much to adopt and it is taking forever!

If you can't handle another child, please consider adoption. There are many families who will provide for your child, AND offer the option for you to keep in touch, or not if you wish.

Answer 10

Adoption would be the best thing I think also. But remember you can do what is called an open adoption where you would still be involved and get to see the child but the adoptive parents would be his or her legal parents and you would be know as his or hers birth parent. I am looking to adopt and thought about open adopting myself.  Trying to convince my husband how good it would be. I will pray you get your problem fixed as for me I just hope I find that baby out there that is meant for me.  :)

Answer 11

Please consider adoption.  There are so many loving couples out there.  Your child will have a great life.

Answer 12

It seems to me that adoption is your best solution.....most adoptions are open adoptions and you can choose the parents and have contact with them...things surely must have changed for the better since I gave my baby up for adoption and that was 22 years ago.....I still have contact with the family and the child lol I mean the adult!

Answer 13

Adoption is a permanent solution to an often temporary problem. Please consider how your child will feel knowing that you kept two of your children, but gave up another.

Not all adoptive families ARE wonderful. Many many are, but I have known many adoptees who ended up in abusive adoptive homes. Which is very sad, since adoptive parents tend to be held up on a pedastal as being better than the average parents.

If you are truly concerned that your child will be abused or neglected in your care, then that is a good reason to consider adoption.

Placing a child for financial reasons means you will have to tell your child that at some point.

I have a daughter that I placed and she has told me, "But it doesn't matter if you have a house, or money or if you are single"

Interestingly, she lives in an apartment with a single mom who smokes (the adoptive parents divorced two years after the placement).

Obviously, all of those reasons for placing would not make any sense to her. And people who adopt DO get divorces and DO have relationship issues, yell, spank, come upon difficult financial times etc etc...

You need to consider what the risks are of your child being with you, and consider what risks you are willing to find out have occured if you place your child in the care of strangers or people you have met only a handful of times (and will be trying to be on their best behavior, so you won't see the worst of them).

If you are concerned about resources, there are so many resources out there!!!

Please e-mail me and I will research resources in your area, as well as point you toward people who might know more about resources in your area.

[e-mail]

Answer 14

look into what resources are available to you in your area. there are always people willing to help you out. if you really want to keep your baby you can. i believe that when there is a will there is a way.

Answer 15

If you have any family, I suggest you ask them to help you out, at least until you're on your feet again. Go to your local department of health and human resourses and apply for a medical card, foodstamps, and housing. Considering your situation, you probably qualify for emergency assistance. Also, make sure the father of those children is paying child support on time. If not, that's another thing DHHR can help with. Good luck.

Answer 16

dont leave your child:(

work hard,get help,your baby would be happy with you when he is older.if you afford 3 child you can do for 4 of them.people looking to adoption will encourage you, because they think they are good, so every one is good.what if your kid goes some where bad?

try to keep him please

god helps,if you were in UK i would help you.I'm sure they are people around where you live who are willing to help you to keep your kid but not to give him to them.

Answer 17

You don't have to give up your baby and DON'T abort it just keep it and get some help like welfare and things like that, you will be fine. And it's not struggling, it's SURVIVING!

Where are their fathers? Put them on child support if you have to but you cant give up.

Answer 18

Contact Planned Parenthood and discuss your options with a counselor there.

Answer 19

Sorry, but you are an adult with experience in parenting.  If you cannot properly care for your children, you have three options.  Select the one which is you feel is best for this baby and/or for your others:

1.  Abortion

2.  Adoption

3.  Foster care

I hope you are not asking for money on this board.  This is your predicament, and you must come up with a solution.  You are an adult.  

As a parent, you need to make responsible decisions.  If birth control is unreliable, then choose abstinence, for the sake of your children.

Sorry to sound harsh, but you are not a victim.  You have the ability to make a responsible decision, but say you can't because you have "already bonded with your baby".  I think that is a cop out.  Real mothers make decisions that are in their children's best interest no matter what the emotional consequences for themselves.  Get some counseling as soon as possible.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 20

You have a dilemma, but my best advice is to terminate the pregnancy. For your sake and that of your other children.  Do not allow the holy rollers who will not assist you in caring for any of your children to scare you or guilt you into not obtaining a safe and legal procedure.  Look up Planned Parenthood in your local phone directory and go in ASAP.  Talk to them to find out your options.  If you need money to terminate the pregnancy, then pawn something, borrow whatever you can from whomever you can (the father of this baby is the first place I would go looking for some money--does he want to pay now or pay for the next 18 years?) , offer to babysit other women's kids for the next two weeks if you do not have a job, and save every cent for the abortion.  The cost of the abortion is a drop in the waterfall compared to the cost of the prenatal visits, the birth, and raising the child until it is 18.  I know many many women of all ages and all financial means who have resorted to abortion when faced with an unwanted pregnancy and none has regretted her choice because she has weighed the situation heavily and determined that abortion was the best answer for her (and her family,) and the most overwhelming feeling that each has had when it was over is RELIEF.  No one says the decision is easy, but consider what kind of care you will be able to give 3 small children while pregnant with a fourth.  You need to give yourself a chance to get your head above water before the whole family drowns.

Answer 21

first, stop having s*x. tough i know, but this step needs to be taken to prevent future pregnancies. second get the courts to have the fathers of these children pay child support. third get help from your local church. this can be day care, volunteer in home care, etc. be prepared to return the favors by the way, of your own volition. there are lost cost, and free clinics that can help with prenatal care. there are government agencies that can help you as well, social services, welfare, food stamps, etc. can all help you get over the hump as it were. and dont forget family members. they can also help. if you have problems with immediate family, try aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. you can also repair any damage to relationships with immediate family.

Answer 22

im 15 and have absolutely no xp in this situation but what i suggest is move in with your parents for a while ask them to watch your kids after you give birth if you dont want to put him/her up to adoption then you can leave him/her with your parents then while the kids are in a good place get yourself a  good job cojuld take a while but make sure you have a good enough income to support your kids and help pay your parents for extra grocerries and such. i hope it works out for you good luck

Answer 23

I feel sorry for you only because i am a mother who at one point struggled... You kinda put this on yourself though didnt you... not trying to be mean but tough love is sometimes the best solution.. I dont believe in abortion at all because god gives you only what he knows you can handle.. besides your being selfish... that is a human being in you and its not about you any more.. yes you are young and 4 kids at any age is a handfull but you chose that for yourself.. if you cant afford to care for this child than you need to think about adoption.. yes you will have a very strong bond with this child but again it isnt about you... there are plenty open adoptions where you are still active in your childs life and also many adoption agencies that house, feed and support you until you have your child. you need to get it together.. life is a struggle and only the strong survive...

e-mail me if you need help finding the agencies or any moral support..

you may not like what i have said but i dont like what you said either... trust me im trying to help not hurt.. it just looks like you needed a blunt answer...

Answer 24

You can get help. Medicaid, WIC, food stamps, etc. Find a crisis pregnancy center--they usually know of all the community resources you can do. If you don't believe in abortion, don't do it. While it is true that some women do not regret their abortions, they tend to be the women who didn't have a problem with it in the first place. Women who do have an abortion even if they don't believe in it tend to spend a lifetime regretting it. Although I don't understand how you couldn't contemplate adoption for bonding, but you are contemplating abortion? Sounds contradictory to me.

Also, see if you can't get some of these kids father(s) to help you out. Call the law if you have to in order to collect child support. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Good luck.

Answer 25

Maybe adoption would be the best choice.  Otherwise you're probably going to have to live off of welfare.  Until you get on your feet you really should stop having s*x so hardworking people don't have to pay for you and your kids anymore.

Answer 26

First thing is give up the stress, it is not a crime to have children or to be poor.  I think it is right that you love your baby and do not want to give her up.  If you really think you need help, get on the internet, join parent groups and single groups and just keep asking.

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Answer 27

I am sorry since you aren't able in your state to think correctly. Your hormonal condition together with child care responsibilities does not allow you to think rationally. Please do not take this as an insult as it is entirely physiological. You say you would have already bonded with your baby so adoption is not possible. I say it is and it HAS to be. If you truly love your baby, you will want it to have a better life with persons who have the financial ability to care for it well. You will survive the separation and be proud you did the right thing.Try to not be selfish. At least give ONE of your children a chance.   AND thank you for writing how you got pregnant on birthcontrol pill since people need to know that it isnt foolproof.