Im reading this poem at a drug and alcohol group meeting..?

Question

Final Conclusion

You didn’t hug me enough, Daddy.

It brings me to tears.

I’ve been staying at home lately.

I think about how much you’ve missed out between our years.

There are very few memories of when I was with you.

I just remember the days when me and Mommy would hang tight.

She was always there for me and you know that’s the truth.

We would hear you banging on the bedroom door every single night.

My fondest memory was when I asked you to read me a book.

You and Mom were fighting about how your drinking had gone out of style.

I just knew your reaction when I saw you give me that look.

You stopped in the middle of your sentence, “Kaytlynn; not now!”

Daddy! Daddy! You were never there for me!

I’ll always have a part of my heart dangling for life.

We only stayed somewhat a family until I turned three.

I don’t want to have reasons that may leave you strife.

Answer 1

Hello,

Hey I think what you’re doing is a good thing. I saw some echoes in this from my own relationship with one of my step-fathers. I think you wrote this from an honest place. I’m going to make some editing suggestions and I know that the poem is personal so please bear with me. Use what you like, ignore the rest (I’m staying more with a content edit than a meter edit):

Final Conclusions: Unless he is dead and the poem doesn’t suggest that. Nothing is final, you seem to be shooting for regret and lost opportunities as the consequence not death. Maybe consider something like:

What I Know About You

The Memories You Left Me

Something like that, okay to the poem itself. If you want to keep the rhyme scheme that’s okay just consider making the stanzas and meter more consistent.

You didn’t hug me enough.

It brings me to tears.

Been stay’n home lately.

You’ve missed all these years.



I remember the days

When me and Mommy would hang tight.

She was always there for me.

You banged on the bedroom door every night.

My fondest memories were when

I had you read me a book

Your drinking had become more than social.

Soon all I got was “Kaytlynn; not now!” and that look

  

Daddy! Daddy! You were never there for me!

A part of my heart is dangling for life.

We were only a family until I turned three.

Don’t want more reasons to be full of strife.

You don’t know how it hurts to think of me and you.

I always wonder if you had another side

You’re still my Dad and that’s always going to shine through.

I guess I’ll stop here; this is where I reside.

This probably would work better with free verse than rhyme. You have some lines that could be emphasized more. I feel that in some places you let the need to rhyme undermine the emotional strength of what you are trying to say. So you may want to consider removing the rhyme and just seeing what comes out. The things in the poem like the banging on the bedroom door is what is powerful in this poem. Specific sequences showing Dad sober and Dad out of control…then going into your could I see your other side—that seems to be what you are trying to get at here.

I hope some of that helps.