Im really mad, so I wrote this poem :D what do you think?

Question

if you aren’t in love,

stand up and say it,

instead of us playing this game

of push and shove,

its always the same,

you haven’t even changed a little bit,

I’m sick of caring,

That’s one thing that’s true

I’m the knickknack on your top shelf,

the toy depreciating in value,

you don’t care for anyone but yourself,

and my hearts about to implode,

its like a grenade and the triggers pulled,

its only a matter of time,

yeah only a matter of time before i blow,

and if not you,

who wants to pick up the pieces?

when its a bloody mess,

some parts just cant take the stress.

but some memories can hold some pieces together,

and when there’s no other way to appease,

everything just leaves

Answer 1

Not a big fan of it.  Sounds more like a complaint than a poem.  I agree that you have poetic moments.  The thing is you start out directly speaking to someone, expressing a situation, but not showing something so the reader can connect with YOUR emotions.  Maybe with some work it could do more, but not as it is.

Answer 2

Thats actually...pretty good. :D

Answer 3

hey! it really looks like u've written it 'cause u'r mad.Good u should calm down by doing things like writing a poem.It simmers u down.

Answer 4

very good!

Answer 5

I think it would sound better as a rap than a poem....but then again, most rap is very poetic in a sense, so I guess it works.

I think it is pretty good and it definitely describes your feelings.

You should put it to a beat though.  = )

Answer 6

it's good, but i have read so many poems just like it.

Answer 7

"I’m the knickknack on your top shelf,

the toy depreciating in value,

you don’t care for anyone but yourself,

and my hearts about to implode,"

The only worthwhile bit of this poem. The rest is straight forward,  bland, and barely poetic. The quoted lines, however, flow and ebb. Good metaphorical usage. I'd say start over, and use those lines as a starting point.

Answer 8

I think its saying how you feel like you are not getting the full picture and how you want  your boyfriend to be honest with you :(

Answer 9

Wowzers!!! Your poem is really good. I hate to say it but you should stay mad and write more. Your point was well descriptive. I love the "knickknack" part. I wish I had a girlfriend who cared so much about me. Your boyfriend is dumb and doesn't know a good thing when its right in front of him. Keep on writing sweetie!