Im so confused about adoption people say its honest but all adoption is is lies?

Question

i dont see adoption as a good thing its all based on lies

Answer 1

I wouldn't say all lies. I gave my daughter up for adoption because I knew it would be better for me and for her.  I know her though, we write letters to each other once a month or so and I am happy to this day that she has an excellent mother and father and I could give her that...if she would have been with me at the young age I was...I wouldnt be able to have taken care of her. Really, if you are honest, then the adoption will be honest. If you want to look for an open-adoption like I had...perhpas that will seem more honest to you...you always know how the child is doing.

Answer 2

There are a LOT of lies about adoption.  There are the lies that the first moms are told that they should give up their baby because it's the unselfish thing to do.  

There are lies that the world is told--that the world is overrun with babies that need saving from their lives of poverty or less than perfect homes.  That adoption is all rainbows and lollipops, and some child is just out there waiting for you to give them a wonderful life.  

That a child who is removed from a home because of abuse or neglect or other traumas will be just fine once they are given a loving family.  All wounds will be magically healed.  All trauma will be magically erased.  Love will cure everything.  

That adopting a child is no different than having your own natural child.  Adopted children FEEL adopted, even if the parents don't ever think about it.  It doesn't matter that their adoptive families love them as their own, and that the fact that they are adopted could not possibly matter less to them.  It MATTERS to the adoptee.  Period.  

The ONE TRUTH about adoption:  It is sometimes the only option for a child.  It is like brain surgery.  If a person can only survive if he has the surgery, then he must have the surgery.  There will always be negative side-effects.  There will always be recovery and healing.  And, only if it saves a child's life, literally, then it's worth the trauma and pain caused by adoption for the adoptee.

Answer 3

How can providing a better life for a child, a life that could very well be devoid of love, affection, and a home, be a bad thing.  It is only about lies if someone purposely makes it that way.  Otherwise, someone who adopts is doing a great thing for an otherwise unwanted child

Answer 4

I C.

Answer 5

You feel that way ok. But I am adopted and my life has not been based on any lies. My parents didn’t pretend that I was their biological child. They always told me I was adopted and let me be myself.  My parents encouraged individuality and diversity for me and my brothers who are biological kids. Adoption was a good thing for me it was either that or be with a “mother” who could not even take care of herself or her other child, lived on the streets half the time and having to be around racist family members.

It is true that sometimes parents keep their adopted child adoption secret, that was even more in the olden days and still someday that is completely wrong. However not everyone is like this all the couples/person I know who have adopted, are honest with the children they adopted. Maybe a birthmother/parent is lied or tricked and that is also wrong

Answer 6

Not sure you are right about that. Adoption is more like saving lives of children. There are many children that have been saved by being adopted. The only lies that are there, are from those who don't admit that they adopted the child. I just think it doesn't have to be lies if the adoptive parents are honest.

Answer 7

Adoption is a great thing. I couldnt care for my daughter and the family that adopted her is amazing. I did an open adoption and they write me and send photos every 6 months.

She is well taken care of!

Answer 8

I agree that you are confused.  People can and do lie about many things, and sometimes lies are included in adoption.  However, adoption itself is not a lie.  It has been done for centuries.  Remember, until very recently, women often died during childbirth.  Those babies had to go somewhere and often were adopted.  As humans, we have the capacity to nurture children who are not our own offspring.  Even some other mammals do this.

Answer 9

adoption is a good thing especially people that do it it takes alot to take on someone thats not your blood and raise them. would you rather those children be in shelters or group homes. its not lies its a good thing the blood parents cant handle it so someone else needs to to make sure these kids have a good life

Answer 10

well, i happen to agree with you!   adoption is jam packed with lies.

Answer 11

Clearly you must have been adopted as a little baby... I am sorry you feel it is all lies.... Clearly you didn't have a postive adoption.

I hope you understand however that you are not the only adopted person and your adoption is not the only kind of adoption....

Tell these things to an adopted Foster Child someday... Tell it to my daughter who remembers what it was like to be hurt, abused and hungry with her mother--how it felt to live in a foster home that only wanted to adopt your little brother but Not you.... Look into my little girls eyes and tell her that her truth is all lies....

I suppose I should just find her mommy and give her back... Oh wait.... they don't allow drug addicts living in mental hosptials to have 10 year old daughters live with them so... c**p I can't do that.... Dang.... Maybe grandma.... Oh, yeah Grandma didn't want her grandchildren...didn't even want to know who they were.... what was it grandma told DHS--"We don't want anything to do with anything A created or brought into this world... A burned her bridges long ago...let the kids be adopted by strangers because A's kids are strangers to us...."

so....what is this your third "I hate Adoption None Question?"

I will be sure I let My Little girl Know about people like you when I feel that she can deal with it....after all the lie would be that anyone other then her adoptive parents are here to give a c**p about what She needs and to love her enough to move the world for her to have her needs met.... But, that is what it takes to help a kid who will always be a kid because her Mommy decided to drink too much and give her brain damage....

maybe she will never be old enough or able to read the hateful words of those who decide to say the Hate Adoption and it is all lies....I guess I can pray she never actually understands the kind of Hate some of you have about something that happened when you were babies.

Really--talk about Your Own adoption and Leave My children out of your "it's all about lies" junk.....

*

Answer 12

Its is.  Even when you go and pick your child out from a horrible orphanage, where the child came from and their background is usually a lie.  Even when you adopt state side, everything that comes out of the adoption agencies mouth is a lie.  They can't tell you anything that is real, its against the law.

If you have an open adoption or set your own up with a mother in need of adoption is the only time you will know for sure what all the cards are on the table.

Answer 13

Why do you think it is based on lies? What is your reasoning for this? People have already stated why they disagree with you, I certainly disagree, but I won't repeat what has already been said, but I am certainly interested in knowing what experience you have had that has led you to this conclusion.

Answer 14

I agree with you.

They give the adoptee a "fake" birth certificate that has the aparents names on it as the parents of live birth, it mentions nothing of an adoption, and often falsifies the adoptees vital information.

Adopters are encouraged to change the adoptees name.

Prices vary depending on the race of the child.

Too much child trafficking is going on for my comfort.

When the state considers "adoptees" beginnings as shameful and secretive to the extent that they hide their origins from the adoptee and public, it can't be good. The truth will set everyone free.

Answer 15

Why?  Why lies?  Hopefully, people give up their children because they want better for them than they themselves can provide.

Answer 16

There are honest people on both sides of the adoption and their are bad ones.

We agreed that our adoption could be open, then our birth mom did a dose of meth the day our son was born.  We have allowed her into our home to see him 2 times, on the condition she be drug free (we tested!), and since that time, she has tried to get the babysitter to let her see him, and doesn't call.  We've been honest with her, and yet she isn't with us.  

The problem is that when people don't do as they say, either way, it can be hard on the children, and it should NEVER be hard on the kids, no matter what.

I believe when we adopt again, it will be different, because we don't want the wishy washy stuff from our birthmom.  I'm ready to adopt an older child instead of dealing with the hormones!