Im so mad (Anniversary)?

Question

Me and my hubby just had our first aniversary this monday. I was so happy and I have always expressed my love of aniversarys and how special and meaningful this one was for me. We have no money and so I made him a gift like I have the last holidays to. He on the otherhand was out with the neihobr guy chatting till 1AM and I was so mad we werent together all day and he was mean to me all day. I cried and he felt bad and he said tomorrow im going to make it up to you. Well he was going to help me make dinner which he didnt and he played video games while I did, we ate dinner in the living room like always and I told him a while ago even just a love letter would be great. Nothing. I havent givent him my gift wich was a slideshow on the computer because I feel like he doesnt deserve it. When I bring up the topic he just says its my fault ect. Im 5 months pregnant and I really need a pick me up these days.

And valentines day, NOTHING EITHER!!!!

I made his favorite dinner, doughnuts and made a gift and I got nothing. When I ask him why I get I got you flowers sent all the way to you in a forgein country doesnt that mean anything? It did but not for the rest of our lives.

How can I express to him that I am very very hurt. I dont want a gift just a romantic kiss or a love letter.

Before we were married he was the most romantic guy ever.

Answer 1

I'm sorry, you do deserve to be treated better than that.  Since you're newlyweds I will assume you're both young. In your twenties?  - Allot of guys in their twenties are still very immature.  Try to be patient with him eventually he will pull his head out of his butt all on his own.

**add** Good lord Lily why did you stay with a guy that rotten for 36 years????

Answer 2

Well, unfortunately he's one of those guys that knew how to get the girl, but figured now that he's got her he doesn't have to keep up the charade.  

As a guy i can tell you that i hate valentine's day, christmas, b-day, you know any day that i have to buy a gift.  Quite simply I don't like feeling obligated to buy a gift for someone, or the expectation that someone thinks i should buy them a gift.   I know women are pretty easy to please when it comes to gifts, i know it doesn't have to be expensive or anything like that.

I know this is going to be an unpopular answer with the ladies.  It's jus simply that i feel i am giving to my wife all the time.  In the four years that we have been married, every penny i've earned i have spent trying to make her happy, and providing for her, not once in four years have i bought myself something, oh wait i bought some jeans cause i wore my old ones out.    And the very notion that i have to buy something on a specific day just to show her i love her, and to show her that i appreciate her makes my stomach churn, as i have showed her my love and appreciation every day that we have been together.  And no it's not like she's a gold digger or anything like that, there were some things that caused a ton of things to happen in her life before i married her that caused special needs, and i have no regrets for taking care of the situation, she is my wife and that is what i am supposed to do.

Did you ever once stop and think how your expectations have made him feel?  

Assuming that you are not working and he is working to pay the bills and support you.  Toss in that getting prepared for a child thats due in four months, ever stop for a second and wonder how emotionally drained he might be?  

No from the sounds of it the only thing your concerned about is not getting what you expected out of him and how that made you feel.

Yourstruely:  Threatening to leave is a risky suggestion.   Quite honestly even though i love my wife if she threatened to leave i would tell her, "Don't worry, you don't have to I'll pack my bags you can have everything else."  I'm sorry, but if she doesn't want to be with me im not going to try and force her to stay and be unhappy.   That and i don't bluff, she knows that and should know better then to try and bluff me.

Answer 3

Most guys think they have to buy us this expensive gifts.  They always put  monetary value on things.  Get over it Sweetie most men just don't think the way women do.

Answer 4

get some counseling

Answer 5

Wow. He really is taking you for granted!!  That sounds terrible. I feel for you.  He sounds immature...playing video games.  I wish guys would just grow up already!!  

I think you need to show him that you are serious about him meeting your needs and being romantic.  How about taking a little trip away from him, home to your parents?  Remind him what life is like without you!

Also, he may really not understand what it takes to keep a woman happy!  Studies have shown that women need affection and conversation mostly, whereas men need s*x and recreation.  Hmmm...too bad men and women need different things.  BUT, if the two of you can meet eachother's needs...then you both make each other happy.

You both might benefit from a marriage educator or coach, or a marriage counselor.

Good luck to you!

Answer 6

What he is doing is inexcusable... however.

You need to know that guys don't think like women.  We are more self contained and self entertaining.  It is not obvious to us that you need time, attention, communication and an express of love.

So don't assume what he did was purposeful.  In fact he may simply be completely unaware that he hurt you with his behavior.

I recommend every couple sit down (before marriage) have have a talk.  Tell each other you "needs" and make it clear you expect the other to meet those needs.  While you are marriage now, it would still be worth sitting him down and explain what you need from him.

For example:  Guys don't need our wives to tell us "I love you".  We already know you love us.  But women need to be told.  We don't understand why, but it helps if you let us know you need this.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Different people need different things. To some people dates and anniverseries are very important, while to others they are meaningless.  Of course the goal is to make the other person feel special and loved. To show them they are the most important thing in your life.  Even if its meaningless to him he should do it becasue it matters and is important to you. A great thing to read it called the 5 love languages.  I am pasteing the website.  Check it out and good luck.

http://www.sharedpaths.com/tools/lovelan...

Answer 8

woa.

this guy is like completely selfish and definitely not giving you what you need.

you need to have a serious talk with this guy.it needs to be an equal partnership or else there's a major problam.

being a guy, [ lol ] he might not even realize that he's doing this and effecting you this way.

tell him that you need more than minimal effort and it makes you feel like you care for him more than he cares for you.

just talk it over with him.you need waaay more appreciation girly.

:D

xoxo~

<3 feriell

Answer 9

sometimes men can be like children in the way of not knowing how much certain things mean to us.it was shabby for him to act like that,you should sit him down and tell him how this made you feel because we all want the to just know what we need but that will never happen unless you tell him.

Answer 10

I think you could benefit from counseling.  I don't think that he understands your needs, and I would be pissed off, but men think differently than women.  

Answer 11

Just because YOU like to do stuff like that doesn't mean everyone else has to like it.  Having Martha Stewart in the kitchen bitching at my failures would probably turn me off too.  I don't think you'd be happy with a kiss either.  I think you want a parade in your honor actually.

Answer 12

He sounds very immature and selfish.  Maybe he was not ready for marriage...

I do not blame you for being upset.  If my husband did that to me, I would be devastated.  I would go ahead and show him your "gifts" that you made for him... maybe that will cause his heart to open and see that you are a great wife and he needs to step up.  He might not think you did anything for him... He might feel bad he did not do anything if he sees that you did do something.  Good Luck!

Answer 13

I know how you feel my hubby is the same way!

It really hurts to be put aside, especially on those special days! I think the only thing we can do is talk to them make them listen to us. I was told the best way to get your mans attention is by threatening to leave him. I recently had a talk with my hubby and i told him if he doesn't start showing appreciation and that he care for my feeling that i was going to leave him. Since then we have been spending more time everyday before he goes to work he kisses me goodbye and say's i love you and when he gets home the same. Before he never took me out and now he always makes suggestion to do something on the weekends and sometime during the week if we are not to tired from work.

Communication is KEY! If you can't get through to him by communicating then what's next. Think about you too!

I always think about taking care of everyone else but myself maybe you should have a day for yourself to go out and paper yourself , maybe you guys need space.

just some adive, Hope i helped some!

If you ever need some one to talk to just email me anytime!

Answer 14

I can imagine how you feel, especially now that you are pregnant and it should be such a wonderful time for the both of you. But all I can say is for you to talk to him.....when things simmer down a bit. He'll probably blame it on your pregnancy...mood swings and all..but just relax and have a heart to heart with him. Ask him why he has changed so much. Maybe he's just feeling a little stressed on becoming a new dad and everything that's involved with that? Just communicate with him....

Answer 15

My husband did zip for your 35th anniversary after promising to do something.  I even planned an evening away and he no he didn't want to spend the money (believe me we had the money).  Out anniversary was in January, after that big mess up you would have thought he would have remembered Valentines Day... nope.. same big goose egg.

Sorry honey but I doubt things are not going to get better.

By the way he bought me a broom for Christmas (because he had wrecked mine by using it in the garage).  

Answer 16

I think you need to come back to the US.

Answer 17

it is so tempting to take a holiday or special occasion and make a big deal out of that "one day", when in reality, it's the other 364 days that make or break a relationship.  

you might need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him.  write down on a paper, a few suggestions and tell him to put it in his wallet and keep hold of it, don't throw it away.  on that paper, you write a list of things that you would like, things he can buy or things he can do for you that will make you feel appreciated.

let's face it; it probably has no clue about how to properly celebrate a holiday with a new wife, so you have to give it to him, in easy to read "black and white".

your list might go like this:

My favorite things for Birthday (mm/dd); Valentines (Feb 14), Anniversary (11/dd) and Christmas (12/25) would be:

A nice card

AND any one of the following:

a book of poetry

a nice photo of the two of us in a frame

scented candles

flowers, either roses or orchids (but i don't like carnations)

chocolate (but not dark chocolate, has to be milk chocolate)

a gift card to Victoria's Secret

I love you

so he's got your list, he can keep it there in his wallet.  feel free to add to it if you feel like you need a set of diamond earrings as the months and years go by.

and REMIND him (nicely) every day for a few days before the special day.  

and this is the hard part, quit expecting this day to go all your way.  you need to have a "plan b" all prepared with a nice dvd ready to go into the player, and $20 for takeout chinese just in case he drops the ball (he will drop the ball from time to time, he's not perfect).

good luck to you.

perfume (put the name brands that you like)

scented lotion and bubble bath

Answer 18

Oh Dear...I feel your pain.  And, you are trying your hardest much less that you are carrying his baby..and probably your hormones are going wild.  I am so sorry.  You are doing everything you can in a foreign country to make your family and keep him happy.  It hurts.  Is it also the culture that you have going against you?  Now, PLEASE don't anyone reading this think I am playing a race card, because I am not.  People sometimes are raised differently and really don't understand why some things are so important to "We American Females".   Was or is his Mother  treated like this?  I don't know.  I am an old woman...married the "first time"  44 years ago.  I said goodbye to him....no regrets.....(I did last 7 years in the same situation).  "It is your fault" is a great cop-out.  Without being able to sit down and express your feelings and getting conversation with the partner is no good.  Sometimes it will never happen.  Sadly.  I have learned some really good things in my life:

l.  It is what it is.

2.  Power of Prayer does work.

3.  If you ask yourself, "Do I want to live this way for the rest of my

     life....if the answer is no....you need to think with a clear head and

     decide what you want to do.

4.  If you don't take care of yourself, no one else will.

I wish you all the BEST.  I look forward to your posts.