Im so paranoid about my 3 year old daughter...?

Question

i have a 3 year old daughter and i am so paranoid all the time when we go out or do something, i get really scared if i cant see what she is doing, or when she starts climbing around on the playground, i do hold her back a little from all the fun she could have, but only cause i dont want her to hurt herself.

I even still dont like her going down the stairs by herself incase she falls down.

Now we are going on holiday and i am so scared of kidnap or anything that could harm her, i know that it is normal that a parent is always concernd for their child no matter what age, but i think about it to much and my family say i shouldnt be so overprotective.

I think it also has alot to do with what you hear on the news with children getting kidnapped or die, even sexually abused.

I love my daughter so much and want to protect her from all of that, i know its impossiable to do that forever, thats why id like to know if there is anything before she resents me 4 that. Thanks

Answer 1

Children need to be able to explore their environment.  An overprotective parent can inhibit their child's normal psychological development.  I know that this is difficult to do but  I am sure you can find books and sites on this topic.

I found a website that youu may find useful!

Ivona

Answer 2

Do not believe everything the media tells you, especially newspapers like, The Sun. The would have you believe that there is a rapist or murderer on every corner. They do not care how much this affects some people. They only care about selling stories and making money. They have no social conscience whatsoever. For proof of this just look at what their Internet site is full of. You will see it is mainly concerned with who is trying to have s*x with whom on, Big brother. Their camera men are sent out with instructions to get as many pictures of girls in short skirts getting in and out of taxis, or nipples showing through their tops. Your child stands very little chance of being molested by strangers. It is your own family members that you have to be careful of. She will probably be injured on a few occasions in falls But these are a good learning curve. Ignore the health and Safety idiots in local government. They are only concerned with making work for themselves to keep their lucrative salaries.

Answer 3

When i was young i saw a cocoon with a butterfly struggling to get out i grabbed it and i started tearing it open and my mum said don`t do that don`t help it it needs to struggle to pump the blood into its wings and make its colours  and pattern`s

We need also to watch and only help when our child is in danger because the biggest mistake might be the first one they ever make and the last how will your child learn if an over protective mother doesn`t allow a child to learn from a mistake???????

Answer 4

This world is a dangerous place, especially for young children that aren't as experienced or aware of the ways of the world as adults are.

It's extremely hard, because as a mother you have powerful instincts of wanting to protect your daughter but at the same time you want her to experience the world so she can learn and gain independence.

Remember that you don't need to make a big leap from protecting your daughter to complete autonomy, it can be done in little steps. Work out small things you can let her do on her own and when you feel comfortable with her doing those things then move onto something a little bigger.

All the best for your family and I hope you enjoy your holiday.

Answer 5

It's a tricky balance, I have spent the last 5 years in abject terror for the same reason - I assumed it was normal!

I let my little one climb onto the (wooden, round-edged, low) coffee table and fall off when he was a toddler. If I had caught him and he learned that falling = someone catches you, then he might climb higher without fear.

In every other respect, I have been utterly mental. I wouldn't let them eat peanuts in case they were allergic. In the end my kids had their first dose of peanut butter (don't laugh) in the local hospital car park. Just in case.

I am organic mum. Breastfeeding mum who doesn't drink or smoke. I am frightened that carpet cleaners might cause weird diseases or skin allergies.

But I do let them stroke friendly dogs (when owner says ok). I do let them paddle in the sea (with life jacket on!) I do take them swimming.

they have to learn to fall before they can climb safely. They have to learn to swim before they swim safely. They have to play with one another even if they bump heads and trip over each other.

The answer? Well I don't have all the answers. I know I would ignore people who tell you you are being over protective. Sorry, this is your child, and YOU decide what's best. Anyway chances are, as soon as you loosened up, they would tell you you are being too slack! Some people just like to interfere - that doesn't make them right.

Take pride in what your child learns. As they learn more and more, you will see that they are capable of looking after themself a bit more. 3 is still very young. Enjoy being at an age when you CAN protect them - because one day your little angel will be swanning out the door and DRIVING.... (I know, brings me out in hives just thinking about that!)

I used to dive with sharks and film them - I wasn't scared. I smoked, I wasn't scared. I flew microlights, I wasn't scared. (Ok  abit). but the kids - TERRIFYING.

it's being a parent, innit. terrifying. terrifying. terrifying.

Answer 6

Hi kirsten, just to let you know you are not the only one that behaves like that towards your children...Im actually like that with mine. i think you are right and you shouldnt feel guilty...she will have lots of time with other children as soon as she starts nursery...you just love your daughter and your behaviour is understandable , you want her to be safe...sometimes i think to myself, if i could be with my children for ever, or could protect them from any harm...they are 8 and 5, a boy and a girl. As mums, thats what we do, we worrie and want to protect them forever, it is natural...  take care...

Answer 7

I am the very same as you......... i also have a 3 year old daughter and i try to avoid taking her to the park because my hearts in my mouth watching her incase she hurts herself or some of the bigger kids just push her out they way (which they do).

I have to let her dad take her because he's more relaxed than me.

I'm probably too overprotective too but i don't know how to be more relaxed about it either.

So don't worry your not the only one.

Answer 8

have U ever asked yourself how you would have turned out if your parents were this obssessed and over protective of you?

Of course you wouldnt have turned out to be the the confident and protective parent you are today.

So basically speaking, train your mind into believing that its good for your daugther if you sometimes slacken the reins.

I think that is the really practical way to learn to give her some space.

You are a caring parent, and an unselfish one to be thinking this way, but you have to know that if you dont allow your daughter some space, then you would end up been the selfish parent you didnt want to be.

Let her start getting her own experiences so she would have the confidence to share personal experiences among her peers, believe me,that is a major key to self confidence, for her that is

Answer 9

Wow!!  I felt/ feel the same way about my 3 year old.  Its called "obsessive thinking".  I was worried so much all the time when she was at daycare,  when my mom had her in the car with her,  when she was sleeping.  I completely understand.  I went to my psychiatrist not only for that but a few other things.  She said when it starts to interfere with your everyday life then it is a problem.  She prescribed me a low dosage medication and it has helped A LOT!!  It was prozac.  I got scared when she told me the name b/c it made me think I was crazy,  but in the end.. it really helped me stop worrying so much.  Email or IM me if you have any questions.  FYI... my daughters daycare is right around the corner from my office and when i would hear an ambulance or firetruck I would call the daycare and check on her!!!  your not alone!!

Answer 10

most parents are a little over protective of there children after all how many parents do you know that want there child to hurt themselves been a bit over protective isn't a problem until it stops your child from doing things that other children her age are doing. when your child is in the park let her play as long as youve got your eye on her she will be fine and yes she may fall of the climbing frame and hurt herself but its a fact of life everyone has accidents. the more you let her do the more confident you will become aswell. and as for the kiddnapping thing how many times have you heard of a child been kidnapped when they are been properly look after most child are out on there own when things like this happen. just keep an eye on her and she will be fine and a few bumps and lumps from falls are all part of growing up every child (and adult) has a few trips and slips

Answer 11

You may be suffering from slight depression. I was suffering from depression and also had all these thoughts. I used to imagine all sorts of scenorios in my mind about walking down the street with my daughter and cars coming onto the path....to taking her on holiday her getting taken away when we were sleeping. It made me so sick to the stomach that I actually wouldn't take her anywhere without my partner. I could manage taking her to nursey and to the shops but only because this was routine for me. My mind used to imagine such awful things that I gave myself panic attacks and needed to hold her. This is due to depression and there are ways to control this. It isn't good for the child to be held back. I even didn't like her running in case she fell. Totally ridiculous for a toddler. I ended up shouting at her several times to stop doing things but the was so unfair on her as she was so young and didn't understand. Please get help. You will always worry about your babies but they need the chance to be young and explore, etc.

Answer 12

It's part of being a kid to fall down and get hurt sometimes. I know what you mean about watching the news tho...I always hear stories about kids getting kidnapped or women getting raped when they go for walks and stuff-it terrifies me to take my daughter for a walk alone, but i can't spend my life locked up in my apartment for fear of what might happen. I just make sure I take my cell phone and some mace and I'm good to go! You have to let go a little, if she's at the park, let her go free. Make sure she's close enough for you to keep your eye on her, but if she wants to climb or something, let her. If she falls, she'll probably get some bruises, or scrapes but she'll be ok!!