Im so worried...?

Question

im 19 and i have a 3yo sister who i have raised since 7mos..when my mom died my stepfather couldnt handle it..we live with him but shes mainly with me or my fiance when im not at work..shes always called me mommy but now that im moving out im worried about her..her dad gave me and sean the option to adopt her but i dont know whether its the right decision ...what do you think

Answer 1

The first question you have to ask yourself are you stable enough to handle the responsibility.  If you are I would consider it.  You basically raised her and if your step father can't handle her then she could end up with the state or just have a horrible childhood.  Even though she is your sister she needs a legal guardian that cares for her.  It sounds like she would be very lucky if you did adopt her as long as you and your fiance have the means.  It might be hard but worth it.

Answer 2

for the 3 yrs olds sake take the opportunity and adopt her it would be the best decision for her and possibly you. you must really love her and care for her if you have been taking care of her since she was a baby. that is a tough thing for a teenage to have to do. you should be very proud of yourself you are a wonderful big sister and your mom would be extremely proud of you. I wish you and your little sister all the best in your future.

Answer 3

if he's giving you the option, take it.  It doesn't sound like he cares one way or the other, so she needs someone who cares for her and also a stable and consistant person in her life.  You will always worry if you don't and will probably regret it.

Answer 4

thats something you have to listen to your heart about, you will still be in her life even if its not as a mother figure

Answer 5

of course you should adopt her! if her dad is asking u 2 adopt her he really doesnt care! you should save ur sister while u can. she relys on your and ur man, she needs you!

my cousin and her husband adopted his brothers and sister and they are doin fine.

if ur worried about ur age  she jst turned 20 and loves the kids cares for them and works

Answer 6

You and your father need to see a lawyer. I would look into legal guardianship. It gives you legal rights to medical, educational day-to-day decisions and responsibilities but your sister will keep her original brith certificate and if you wish it allows for some financial responsibility to your stepfather.

Adoption is much more expensive and will falsify your sister's birth records.

I wish you had said what state you are in so I could give you more information. Where I live (NC), kinship guardianships with consenting parties are done in a lawyer's office. There is no homestudy to pay for, you can recieve state assistance such as food stamps and medicaid, child support and visitation arrangements can be made and it costs about $150.

Guardianship can only be revoked if it is proven that the caregiver is unfit.  

As far as your sister calling you Mom, there is nothing wrong with it. She calls you mom because you are acting in the capacity of a mother and that is how she has chosen to identify you. Good for her and don't let anyone make either of you feel bad for it! Just be sure to be open and honest when she has questions. Help her understand the loss of your mother and keep her memory alive for your sister.

How difficult it must be to lose your mother at 16, my sympathies on your loss. I am so glad that you have taken care of your sister and helped your Step-Dad. You are a very strong woman. It is good to that you are staying together as a family. I hope you can find the right solution for all of you. I wish your whole family much love and happiness in the future.

Answer 7

First let me say I am sorry for your loss. Second, I think it is great that at such a young age you took on the responsibility of raising your sister. You sound like an amazing young lady.

I agree with the other posters that are recommending guardianship. My mother has guardianship of my niece. She has had this for almost 7 yeas. With guardianship, the parent may be responsible to help support the child or you may be able to get help from the state.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 8

Adopting her sounds like the right thing to do to me.

Answer 9

i think yes, you are all she knows right now, and that would be so confusing to her, and she would always think she did something to make you not like her.even though she is 3, they are very smart still

Answer 10

Will your stepfather not let you take her  with you if you don't adopt?  In every sense you are her mom. She is yours by adoption without the paperwork.  You have done what moms do.  For now all she knows is that you are her mom and if you leave she will be abandoned.  You love her and she loves you (and needs you).  Whether you realize it or not, just now, you need her to complete her life and yours too.  The big question is whether your husband can love her and care for her as she needs.  So often we hear of child abuse in cases where the man doesn't want a child, which is heartbreaking (if not imprisonment) for the father and the child and of course the mom.  But then it would happen to any child in the home adopted or biological. Humans need love and respect, understanding, encouragement and calm and tender honesty to live and thrive in order to not want to give pain back.  It is essential you find good counseling and go with it for at least a couple of years. We live in a time when we don't have the support systems from our families and it makes for healthier and happier minds, bodies and homes - so very worth the time. You and your husband would become closer and have an even better marriage, and of course your now child and all future children would benefit.  I hope you will be able to work it out.

I am so sorry your mom and hers died.

Answer 11

It'd be kinda weird since your her sister... not her mother, but I do not think you should adopt her, because how weird would it be to have your little sister call you mom? And also, you're 19, so I am assuming you're in college, and you do not want to throw away your career by having to care for a little kid at that age.

Answer 12

Apparently the stepfather really doesn't want her and since your moving out why don't you just adopt her.. I mean her mother died and she is calling you mommy. Just adopt her and when she gets older you can tell her all about her actual mom.. if you want. She would have a hard time couping if you left her.

Answer 13

yes i would say adopt her

Answer 14

Adoption or legal guardianship. At any age leaving a child can be very hard on them if you are all they have known. You have been her mom and you should stay that way. Do it now before you leave and take her with you, you never know what could happen. It doesnt sound like your step dad wants anything to do with her. The safest place for her is with you. I am so sorry for your loss but it seems like your little sister will be ok she was blessed with you. Keep your mothers memory alive and keep your head up and be strong.

Answer 15

You are an incredible woman. I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. Keep your sister with you, she needs you. It sounds right to me.

Answer 16

You don't have to adopt her.  You can get legal guardianship, and you shouldn't have any problems.  If you adopt her, then her "truth", her heritage, her history, will be locked away, and she will lose her right to have her own information.  Adoption would not be in her best interests.  Thank goodness for legal guardianship!

Answer 17

i think that you should adopt her... to her you are like her mother and you dont want to take that away from her. If your in the situation to take her then it would be best for her if you did.