Im stuck with my story??? Help?

Question

I just added to my story but now I cant think of what to say. any ideas??

Its called A Sea Of Shadows

"It is the dawn of a new day, where once again darkness encases the earth. The ground beneath my feet has been dampened by the merciless torrent that has pelted this land for days. Giving us all a sign of despair. The once before flourishing flowers are now drowning into nothing. My homeland is dieing away into a cold, murky, and flooded mess. And I am left to look down upon it and watch it happen, with no way to stop it. It’s painful, almost as painful as the loss of both my parents, nine years ago. The unending darkness pulls upon us a bone chilling draft. I look down at my home from the sky, for just one last glance, as I proceed into the realm of the lost. No… I am not dead, like those I am visiting. Except I will never be like them; I am genetically altered such as to make me more superior than any other human alive. You can say that I have special powers, but they are more like abilities I have been given. I am sure most humans would like the ability to morph into a wolf or have complete control over fire, but with these abilities comes responsibility. Which is where I am headed, to answer my calling.

The doors to the spirit world can be brutal to pass through if you are not yet a spirit. But as soon as you enter all welcomes you, especially when you are one of the renowned protectors, which I have become over my very few years of life. After witnessing my parents’ death from a tree at age five I was taken away by a man who became like a father to me. He was another protector, really if it were not for him I would not have these abilities. He gave them to me right before he took his last breath. So I guess you can say that I am an orphan, but I can fend for myself.

The past year has been harsh… so many changes in such little time. But the major problem, more like threat, is the abrupt change of weather. A sign that something dreadful is among us… waiting… watching, for the perfect moment to strike. As this sudden fear creeps into the minds of the defenseless, we are soon to have chaos.

I have reached the passageway into the spirit world. The freezing wind moans as it thrusts me into the home of many lost loved ones. My deep, mysterious, brown eyes flicker green and then turn to a deep blue haze, as if it were mist."

Thanks

Answer 1

     How do you know that your deep brown eyes flicker green?  This is where writing in the first person can be tricky.

     "Suddenly, like a beast let slip from its cage, a mighty fire roars up before me.  I reel back, terrified of the ravenous flames.  I turn and start to run, but the fire remains steady, where it is.  I creep back, my heart thumping against the roaring monster, and I see it start to move backwards, away from me.  It's as though the flames are beckoning, beckoning me to follow.  Could this be the Gatekeeper of which I'd heard?

     Just off the top of my head.  Does it help?  I hope so.

Good luck

Mike B

Answer 2

I suggest some poetry that shows the chaos that lurks within the eternal mind of mankind (isn't meant to rime sorry) i suggest abit of H.P Lovecraft (he is my favourite author)

try this: Out of what crypt they crawl, I cannot tell,

But every night I see the rubbery things,

Black, horned, and slender, with membranous wings,

They come in legions on the north wind's swell

With obscene clutch that titillates and stings,

Snatching me off on monstrous voyagings

To grey worlds hidden deep in nightmare's well.

Over the jagged peaks of Thok they sweep,

Heedless of all the cries I try to make,

And down the nether pits to that foul lake

Where the puffed shoggoths splash in doubtful sleep.

But ho! If only they would make some sound,

Or wear a face where faces should be found!

it's called: Night Gaunts.

just a suggestion,

good luck.