Im trying to get adopted...?

Question

im 15 and my life at home just pretty much sucks... im not allowed to do anything and i argue wih my prnts non stop..

my family and i have tried to work things out for two years now and its just not getting any better.. i cant go through high school like this...

ive asked my friends mom if she would adopt me because i am really close to her and she said she would consider it if my mom was ok with it.

how can i convince my mom tht this is the best thing for me??

Answer 1

talk to your mom about it.

Answer 2

Its not gonna happen. Look at the bright side you have only a couple more years left and then your off to college or able to get a job and get your own place.  Get a part time job and start saving up.

Answer 3

I hear this alot. What you really need to do is sit down and list all the things your parent want you to change and then all the things you want to change and see if you can work it out. Adoption is great if she really means to be there for you until your past grown but in most cases they don't and your end up running home. Which at that point you might not have a place to really call home.

   I know this fostergirl that is 23. She really did her foster mom wrong. The foster mom kept her even after she was out of cps. now this girl has no one and she is retarted Real slow . There is no way she can help her self. she can't drive or really work so she walks the streets and lives in a dump.

    So my best advice is to stay home and work things out and be glad you have a home and a computor and the joys of a family because there are plenty of children out there that would love to be in your place.

Answer 4

Instead, why not go into family counseling? You will not find things any better at your friends' house if your problem is that you can't obey rules and follow directions.

I would not want to be responsible for raising someone else's teen.  What if there is a medical emergency or it just doesn't work out?

Answer 5

I wish this were possible, unfortunately your adoption can't legally happen.  If you are being physically abused, there are places to go. If you are mentally/emotionally abused at home, I've  found no way in the past (I'm 26 now) for people to recognize how ****** up my parents were making  me.  

I think the best thing you can do is look at it objectively. Always tell yourself (especially while the rents are being stupid or yelling) that this is indeed unacceptable and unfair, and you do not deserve this, (do your best not to internalize your life with them). During an argument, stop saying anything, like literally nothing at all. Silent, Mute (makes it real hard to argue if there's only dialogue one way).  

  Always, find ways to be your own person,  maintain your self identity.   PLAN - your 15 now,  do what you can to be responsible with yourself and your money.

If you think you can do it, get a job next year, stay in highschool, find good roomates and get the h**l out of there.

Meanwhile, make sure you have places to hang out that make you happy and make you feel normal.  Spend as much time away from the house as possible. Do what homework you can at a coffee shop, etc..(I often used the basement window, or just didn't come home)   Be responsible and live your life to the greatest extent that you can. One day sooner than you think, you will be the only  person incharge of you.

Answer 6

You are 15.  Translation: You know nothing.

I know it's hard and you feel like you're the 'deepest' person in the world with all this angst and these feelings and hate...

YOU ARE 15.  That's what being 15 means.   You'll get over it.

Answer 7

yeah right! your moms not going to consider it! if she does she just wants to test you. its not going to work out. believe it or not you are going to miss your family and you and your friend are just going to act like bro/sis with each other and fight. just dont.

Answer 8

You need to discuss this with a school psychologist.

You say you and your parents have tried to work things out, but if you've been trying without the guidance of a counselor, it's not going to work.

Talk to the psychologist about your problems and what's been done to try to resolve them.  

A school psychologist, if s/he feels you have good reason to move out of your family, can:

1- talk to your parents about releasing you from their custody

2- discuss the concept of emancipation with you.

cw

Answer 9

It's apparent you are hurting and feel trapped by your circumstances.  I was wondering if you have grandparents or an aunt to help get some space.

In reading your added on details, I see there is difficulty overcoming some past mistakes.  One thing is for sure is that every child deserves a clean slate; however, one has to be smart in getting that point accross.  As Mikey said, "build your negotiating skills."  Our ability to communicate is everything when it comes to getting what we want--whether it be permission to hang out with friends or a piece of mind that we are understood.

Talk to your parents without getting upset.  If they get upset with you, simply state that--"It appears you're getting upset.  Let's talk about this later.  The last thing I want to do is upset you further."  And for heaven's sake do not become angry and defensive, for the minute you do you've lost your credibility and it is likely no one will hear you from that point forward.

When the conversation is getting more productive, tell your parents how sorry you are for past mistakes and ask them how you can make up for them.  Listen to what they tell you and comply.  Before you know it, all will feel better and you will likely be basking in new found respect--not only from your parents but also for yourself.

You will find that you have control over the outcome of your situation without bullying and yelling.

One more thing--I raised many children.  One thing is for sure your friend's mom does seem to have boundary issues and is only making things worse for you.  Remember, life is about working on relationships not running away from them.  And the relationship with your parents is a lifetime one.  You might as well work at making it a good one.

Answer 10

The best thing for you to do is stay with your mom and work things out.

That's what you should be doing at this age.

Don't joke about adoption. When I was your age, guess what? I argued with my parents too! Everyone argues with their parents. Astounding, eh?

Seriously though... adoption isn't the answer.

Answer 11

believe it or not my sister did this!! Trust me it will not work out the way you are planning it in your head! I ended up in whats called "orangewood" its a state directed facility where kids who are involved with social services get taken when things go wrong!! All because my sister couldn't handle being at home any longer!! I understand that things may be difficult for you right now, but you should consider some different plans of action!! Fighting with your parents is not just cause to do this!!!

Answer 12

THIS IS NOT AN ADOPTION IT IS THE OPTION YOU WANT TO LIVE AWAY FROM YOUR PARENTS.

You are big enough to understand right and wrong , at this age you want to be adopted can i know why.

Ask yourself ten times why and try to get the answer to it from yourself and then evaluate the situation.

By getting adopted your problem will not e solved but it will exceed.

Answer 13

I doubt your mom would agree to that unless your homelife was seriously messed up and even then...anyway, you might have 3rd party (like a counselor or someone) talk about it wiht your mom. Coming from you it would just sound like you are being a "typical" teen and thinking your life is soooo terrible.

Answer 14

I understand that this must be really hard for you, and it's brave of you to be trying to take matters into your own hands. I'm sorry your home life is so hard for you, but adoption is a very radical step. Try taking it one thing at a time. One option would be getting out of your house for a while and staying with your friend's mom. She sounds very supportive, so try living in her house on a temporary basis and see how it works for everyone involved. You could try seeing your parents on the weekends. Hopefully the time apart will mean you are not constantly at each other's throats and can enjoy the time you do have together. It would be good if a school or community counselor or even a paid therapist (whatever works best) could be involved in this transition to make it easier for everyone, and can help you break the news to your parents and make them understand that moving out is the best thing for you right now. Good luck, and I hope everything works out.

Answer 15

UNLESS YOU ARE BEING ABUSED, you should be very happy to have parents that care about you.  There are thousands of kids that have no-one.  

I can't stand these posts.  All teenagers have problems with their parents....most likely they are setting limits and boundaries to keep you safe and because they care about you.  Instead you ask to be removed?

Answer 16

What teenager doesn't have a hard time dealing with their parents?  Unless there is abuse going on, you should really try to work things out.  You really need to talk with your parents about how you're feeling.  However, if you want to be heard like an adult, you need to act like one.  Stay calm, don't yell or swear at them.  Just open your heart and share how you honestly feel.  

You only have a few years left at home, and then you're on your own for the rest of your life.  I'm sure your parents would be crushed if you left them.

Answer 17

Just a quick observation:

It sounds to me that your friends mom has boundary issues.  It's normal for a fifteen year old to not get along with her parents.  It also sounds like you parents love you because they are placing boundaries for you.  I know it's a drag not to do the things you want but parents rules and restrictions are placed for your protection--whether you see this at this time in your life or not.  One day you will look back at this and say how lucky you were to have parents who cared enough for you to give you boundaries, curfews, and restrictions.  That day will probably happen when your own daughter is 15.

Seek counseling with your parents.  Learn to stop arguing with your parents and build on your negotiating skills.  Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

Answer 18

Sure, talk to them about it but remember, with the amount of time it takes for something like this you will most likely be close enough to 18 by the time it's done anyway.  Sounds like a moot point to me.