Im writing a poem, and im only half way done, but i would like to know what everyone thinks of it.?

Question

Passion

Passion is Joy,

It is true delight.

Not something you feel when your coy,

Or when your situation looks blight.

It's when your with those you love,

The contentment you get from true bliss.

Experienced by those up above,

And by you when receiving a kiss.

Passion is Desire,

It is what you truely crave.

It fuels you when you tire,

And reminds you to be brave.

It can be stirred up over the years,

Or when you've been far away.

Sometimes it brings you to tears,

When you can't seem to catch your prey.

Passion is to Suffer,

It's pain you've got to take.

It only makes you tougher,

And in the end you'll get a break.

It can come from a close friend,

Or someone in your affection.

It's a wound you've got to tend,

So you'll be heading in the right direction.

*keep in mind that i am only in high school, but i still want your honest opinions. and for those of you who are curious, the next three things are going to be ecstasy, devotion, and love.

Answer 1

I love it! It is breath taking and it shows me that not all highshcool boys are as I thought. There are some with deep feelings to bad they are far away from my highschool. Anyhow returning to your poem it is great and it seems pretty finishd to me but if you want to add some thing do so and post it again I would like to read it.

Answer 2

this is a riddle

Answer 3

This poem is very nice

it does speak about passion

and how it is talked about in different ways.

Passion is about love

Passion is about having a desire of doing favorite things

example a person may have a passion for writing

another person they may love doing art ( drawing )

Answer 4

It's a poem with potential, but a little less forced rhyming, you know? Be freer with it and it should flow better. Also remember to stay consistent with rhythm and meter. Sometimes the verses are short and the tempo of the poem picks up all of a sudden. Sometimes they seem too long and you have to drag it on.

But it is a good poem for a high school level, and I'm pretty sure your teacher is forcing you to rhyme or use a certain rhyme scheme or structure (which is why I hated school poetry lol). So just fit it as best you can, but try to keep the rhythm consistent. :D Good luck!

Answer 5

I love it. Bloody brilliant! So evocative and the imagery? Wow! Wonderful work...thank you for sharing!

Answer 6

Try to write in blank verse but be careful with your meter:

The throes of passion steeped in sheer delight

Are given those who lose all pretense first

And then reach forth with lips and limbs that might

Draw to them pain or joy, sweet wine or thirst.

For in that reaching lies the chance that must

Be taken by the heart that's not yet whole,

And lives, or dies perhaps, but tries and trusts

The tender mercies of another soul.

.........................................

Coincidentally, these stanzas also rhyme, and encapsulate the bivalence and implicit uncertainty that must be accepted by all who live passionately.  Do not apologize for your age, because Hugo von Hoffmannsthal was a phenomenal lyric poet when he was only 16 years old.  By all means, continue to write poetry, but I will tell you that observing metrical patterns will stimulate your mind in positive ways and it will not limit your expressiveness.  I like your poem because it shows a willingness to explore a difficult subject, but do develop your gifts as a writer and never forget that he who willingly disciplines himself does the greatest service for both his audience and himself.  Best wishes...

Answer 7

I think its very good. When I was in H.S. I took AP english so yea . . . . Something I do have to remind you. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. Yeah it sounds like it all matches but its not the most important thing. What I do think your teacher will give u "brownie points" for if you use more descriptive language to convey your message. Also don't be afraid to use SOME new vocabulary as long as most laymen english speakers can understand it. Also if you can some places make it a bit mysterious instead of giving off all the information make it implied to make the reader think something that may be true. it gives it a little twist and sets apart from others. Maybe you can do that at the end to keep the reader guessing.  I hope I have helped in some way.

Answer 8

It is a good poem but the rhyme is basic and you can almost guess what the next line is going to be. Its nicely written just a bit predictable-You have promise, keep it up

If you have time please review my poem