Important and personal: As a child, I was abused, and I need help with what to do.?

Question

When I was 6, I got taken away from an abusive family, I won't go into details of what happened, lest to just say, it was difficult to get over, but I have moved on, but, with great difficulty.

I would never let my parents see me again, but now, my Mother's Grandparents want me to see them.

They did not know about the abuse, and they never abused my Mother in any way.

I'm wondering if this situation would be too much to handle, or do you think that I should see them?

They are very old now, and I doubt they have much time left.

I've not seen them since I was 12, when I told them I didn't want to see them again, I somehow felt like the abuse was their fault, as they didn't stop it, although I understand now.

It's been 10 years, is now the time to forgive?

Answer 1

forgiveness is one of the major factors when it comes to moving on. if you say you totally have moved on, then seeing them again shouldn't be an issue, but clearly, after all that they have done to you, i could understand if you don't want to forgive if you haven't already. But you know what? I'll bet you that since the day that you moved away, your parents were regretting every spent moment away from you. It's hurt them, possibly if not more than you, because they have experienced the loss of a child at their own hands. They also have to forgive themselves for what they did to you before they can move on, and chances are, they haven't done so. I say that if it has been 10 years, you should go see your parents, but go with someone close to you like a friend or relative, that you feel safe and secure with. It never hurts to bring someone along who will support you (its better to tackle this with someone who loves you than face it alone). The concept of injuring an innocent child, when they have done nothing to this world is something i find close to unbearable, and im sure you have been through a lot, but just ask yourself this one question. "what could i lose by going, how will that loss compare to me not going and never having the opportunity to do so later on in life." if your parents don't have much time left, and you choose not to go, will you regret that choice later when you can't physically see them anymore. i wish you the best of luck, and remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, so don't let your parents put you in any position that makes you feel lesser than you are. They should be the ones grovelling at your feet for forgiveness. And who knows, maybe them saying sorry will help you move on with your life...

good luck

Answer 2

if you understand why your grandparents did not do something about the abuse then i believe that forgiving them won't be hard for you to do. forgiving them may actually help you close the dark chapter of your life. better meet with them while they are still alive before everything will be too late. forgive and live a life without regret.

Answer 3

I can tell you from personal experience. My dad was an abusive, hateful man. He still is, but when I cut him out of my life, for almost 3 years, I regret it every day. They may be ****, they may hate you. But YOU have to be a better person. The first step to breaking the cycle is to face the cycle.

Answer 4

I thnk so, 10 years is along time and people do change.

Answer 5

Oh ,i'm so sorry!

shouldn;t you like totally tell you \r gradparents about the abuse?

And in ten years the y prbably changed alot, and wondered abotut you,;. if you don;t wanna see tehmthast,s fine.i haven't seen my stepfather in 4 years,and i dont;relly wanna see him asgian.I always tell my gradn\parents about how my mom rteated me, cursing at me, and my step making cuban vulgar jokes, and my no one likeng my real daddy cause he's rich and he divorced my mom.

go ahead and forgive them go tosee them on their death bed and see their ******* reaction.

i pay my own psycihlolgist,even though i don;t know how to spell it, and they don;t help me very much, they just make me cry about my childhood years

Answer 6

Well, I am not you, but I think you should give them a chance. I mean, it was not really their fault, it was your parents'. They are old, and when you get to a certain age, to start looking back at your mistakes, and you want to amend them, and maybe that's what they are trying to do. I don't think it will affect you because you moved on, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Just in case you've got any doubts, talk to your psychologist, and see if you are psychologically ready,(I think you are), and maybe prepare you. Also, they didn't abuse you, and there is really nothing to forgive, unless they knew and had to do something about it.I wish you the best of luck.

P.S Maybe seeing them will make you close up the wound completely. My mom forgave her dad when she saw her paternal aunt (she was abused verbally) , I am not saying forgive your parents, but, just close the fase completely.

Answer 7

It's up to you. When you're ready then go see them and forgive them. I am sorry about your childhood.

I am sure you're happy right now with your life.

Answer 8

If you think you're ready to see them then I think you should, after all ten years is a long time and perhaps you should start forgiving them, but maybe you should take a little more time to think about whether you're ready to see them or not.

Answer 9

I feel it's best to forgive them.  I recommend doing so because I think that it can help you to let go and recover more effectively and efficiently.  I know from personal experience that living with that anger and pain is a hindrance; it's hard to live a fulfilling life when you're feeling bitter all the time.  As for seeing them, if you feel that it will help you in some way, then go for it.  Telling them how you feel can be relieving, and your grandparents may be able to answer some of your questions.  Of course if you don't feel ready to deal with them, then don't - or at least not yet.  Your therapist can help you prepare if you would like to visit them.  

I wish you the best!  

Answer 10

This is very personal...I don't know why you'd post something so personal on here...

Why does your grandparents want you to see them? Do your parents want to see you? Why? Do they regret what they did to you?

This is only my oppinion, but I wouldn't feel safe around them again after what they did. If you have gone 10 years without seeing them, I don't know why you should see them again. They abused you. If you don't want to see them then don't.

I hope everything goes okay with you, Jokerbear. *hugs*

Answer 11

You should go talk to them. You never know they might have realized that they should have done something. Good Luck!!

Answer 12

Please  talk to the  psychologist  through [e-mail]

Answer 13

I too experienced abuse as a child, as it was a family member, our family was split into sides etc.

For many years i had nothing to with my grand parents, angry that they had chosen my cousin's side....

My grandfather has since past away and a few weeks ago we went to my grandmothers 80th, it has taken me many years to move past the hurt and blame. For me i have decided to try to at least slightly mend the fence, as i dont know how much longer i will have my grandmother around. It is hard still, some days i feel strong and want to carry on with these good thoughts, other days i am still angry. Perhaps you can see them once, decide from there and the experience if u want to again or not...u never know when they may be taken for good..do u not want to at least be able to say u tried?

Good luck and with you goes my heart and best wishes...i know this road is hard to travel, but i believe the rewards are worth it. Any step u take to self healing is never a wasted one.

Answer 14

Forgiving your grandparents,is not in order,if THEY DIDN'T abuse you AND , THEY DIDN'T KNOW about the abuse, they have nothing to be forgiven for.See them, enjoy ,cherish,and love each other.Bless you and your grandparents.Good luck!!