In 1963 my mother gave a baby girl up for adoption.?

Question

As a sibling born later is there nay way I can search and find my birth sister. I know where she was born My mother refuses to tell me anything and wants nothing to do the child she gave up. But I would like to know her.

Answer 1

you might want to read the book 'Birthright' by Jean Strauss. It is all about the search, how to search, and the emotions of everyone involved in the adoption. I am currently searching for my bios and this book has helped me tremendously. do not listen to these people that are telling you to "leave well enough alone" and that if your mother doesn't want to find her that you have no right to. the person that you seek is a part of you, they are your blood. if you really feel strongly about finding them, please do so.

Answer 2

You may need to just let it go.  If you mother refuses to discuss it with you there may be a reason and it could distroy your mother and the sister.  I understand what your are saying.  I have been told my Dad has a son in Germany and I would really like to know but discussion it with him or my mother is hard so I have decided to just leave it alone.  do you know the circumistances upon which your mother got preg?  You may need to thank about that before you go any further with this.  It could distroy your family and you will have to live with that.

Answer 3

I too have a younger sibling that was adopted but my mother does not know that I know.  I was told that only the parents can get the info or I have to wait till my mother passes away and I have her death certificate.

Answer 4

i think you need to have a long sit down with your mom

Answer 5

The other child may have a wonderful, happy life. You don't have the right to impose yourself on that person, they may not even know they were adopted.

You're mother is right. She is being unselfish, not cold hearted. She made a decision, the right decision at the time, and is sticking by it.

Just let it be.

EDIT:

Wow, 12 thumbs down, and only 1 up! I guess people don't agree with me.

I stand by what I said.

ANOTHER EDIT:

3 up, 13 down, I'm making progress.

And I still stand by what I said!

STILL ANOTHER EDIT:

3 up, 16 down. At least I got everybody's attention.

And I STILL stand by what I said!!!

Answer 6

You have every right to know your sibling!  I can't believe people are calling you selfish - you are not selfish for wanting to know someone who is related to you!

Do you know the date of birth and Place of Birth (City, State?)

Most States have a sibling registry so siblings can be mutually reunited.  You and your sister can make up your own minds what is in your own best interests, nobody else

Let me know where and on what date she was born and I'll check it out for you

In the meantime register with ISRR.net and any other adoption reunion registries you can find on the internet

Good Luck

Gosh I've just read through some of the other answers again -  unbelievable!  how come everyone is so negative when it comes to relatives searching for each other - there are alot of 'what ifs' and 'bewares'   but such is life.  The truth is the truth, and whatever the truth is - only you can decide how to handle it.  Nobody knows the situation yet they're making the worst case scenario assumptions, makes you wonder why.  Perhaps they're all adopters who are very anti-reunion

Answer 7

you're mom could have some very good reasons for not wanting to be involved. if you are over 18, you can try to search, but leave your mom out of it. ask her if she can talk about why. if not, leave her alone. but do ask her if you can have the information and you won't tell her anything more about it.

1963.... chances are, you'd have more luck getting information from your grandparents. back in those days if a girl got pregnant, she was sent away and the baby was taken from her. she may not have had a choice. she may not know anything. go to her parents or her aunts and uncles, they may know. is there someone in your extended family that was born that year? could have been given to another family member.

no one will ever understand her pain. imagine getting pregnant and then having your child taken away. we don't know what she went through. whatever it was, it was so horrific, she can't talk about it.

best wishes in your quest.

Answer 8

Maybe there is more to the story and she doesnt want you to know the ending.

Answer 9

I say find your sister, it is the right thing to do, good luck.

Answer 10

Doesnt make you wonder why she choose you and doesnt have the heart to find another one of her children? What does that say about her and the love she has for you?

Answer 11

You should check with a lawyer that deals with adoption as I don't know what rights you might have in this situation.  If you live at home with your mother, this could cause a lot of problems.  You may have to wait awhile and somewhere down the road, when you are on your own, research this.  Good luck.

Answer 12

I think younglad is correct. As a birthmother, I can tell you that we don't want to have to answer those questions. It is very painful for us. I feel i did such a bad thing giving my daughter up. Back then, we were counseled on how to give up our baby and not how to keep her. I have lived a life of guilt and in 2001, I found my baby girl, she was 29 1/2. We have a relationship now. Not mother daughter, but friends. It's hard for everyone.

Answer 13

alright, if you want to start a search, i guess you have to do it on your own. You may try asking your mother why she doesn't want anything to do with this child. There may be something tramuatic associated with this child-i'm not saying this as an excuse for her. just trying to understand why she doesn't want to know your sister. Rick K 's -comment is very insensitve to us adoptees. very ingornant to assume that your sister may not know she is adopted. sooner or later us adoptees will come to find the truth about our adoption. also saying that your mother isn't being cold-hearted is very naive. She may just be sacred of how her daughter may react to the fact she was given up and you were not. if you want to know i say search, who knows she may be looking for you!

Answer 14

You need to set down with your mother and explain to her why you want contact with this sibling.... you should also listen to any reasons that she has for not wanting you to contact her!! Was your mother a victim of incest or rape.... you also have to consider what this child would ask her if they met... you mother is going to have to answer questions that she thought she never would!! Best of luck!!

Answer 15

I can understand you pain completely. And weather or not your mother wants to know her child I think you have a right to know your sibling.

My husbands mother passed away when he was 11 years old.  He is now 24.  While we were at dinner with his father last year, he made mention that there could be another child out there of his. A son.  Which while I was doing the math in my head ment he cheated on my husbands mother.

This immediately enraged my husband because he loved his mother so much, but he really wants to know if there is a brother out there of his somewhere.  He would be about 16 years older than my husband. But with out the info from DAD there is no way for us to even begin to search for the missing brother.  Not to mention that his father was overseas at the time in Korea I believe, so that would cause further problems.

Un married women in foreign countries rarely get to keep their babies. So there is a huge chance my husband will never ever get to know this brother.   Anyway, I think what you are doing is beautiful, and if i was in your shoes i would want to know also. I support my husband in his quest for his brother one hundred percent and i support you too. good luck in your search.