In Laws... Do you & them get along? If not how do you deal with them????

Question

My mother in law is very controlling she tells us how to run our lives and stuff all the time. And i don't know what to do.

My husband are stationed in germany and we are going home for 2 weeks and we had everything planned out and she changed everything and i tried sticking up to her and it didn't help. She has turned our vacation into his families vacation. Not only that she has told us she don't support our marriage or the fact we are TTC. i am 19 and he is 21. and yes we are both very young but we love each other and have been together for 3 years. I'm just at my wits end and i don't know what to do. She tells everyone in his family all of our business and she tries to force us to do things her way. She is very religious and we are fine with that. Him and i both were raised going to church. Well since we got to germany we just haven't wanted to go to a church here cause its really hard to understand because we don't know german. Well every time she talks to us she gets all upset cause we didn't go to church on sunday and we get lectures. She even researches Church's around us and emails and send us stuff about them all the time. Which is alright but when we don't do what she says we get lectured for hours. She has done alot of stuff and we are both adults and we dont need a mother telling us what to do constantly!

Does any one else have problems with in laws and how do you deal with them?

Thank You

My husband does suport me and he has already said he dont care about his family and he wants to just forget about them and move on. But i feel bad cause thats his famly. he has stood up to her and it dont matter

Answer 1

Send her an email telling her that there has been a change of plans, and that you will try to see her when you are there, if possible.

Then do whatever it was that the two of you planned initially, and stop by for a visit before you head back to Germany. Spend a day with her and leave.

She will get the hint.

Best wishes

Answer 2

Be upfront. you and your husband (by phone or in person) need to confront your mother in law and the same time and state your grievance.

The only other tactic that works is a "freeze - out". Anytime she becomes controlling freeze her out of your relationship with your husband. Ignore her when she gets bossy and walk away. No words, no complaints...just walk away. When she gets controlling on the phone tell you "you are crossing the line" and then hang up.

It works my friend, it works.

Main thing is that your husband has to understand that once he married you, you became the most important woman in his life. If he is a mama's boy then you've got a problem because he doesn't understand that his marriage is the priority, not mommy. Mommy did her job, and now its over.

Good luck and talk to your husband because it seems that he is acquiescing to mommy and not consulting you. Also tell him to stop chatting about personal issues in the marriage. If you talk too much you should stop too.

It sounds like a good family therapist could help too. If your mother in law is a Super Christian then recommend a Christian therapist.

Answer 3

I love my future in-laws.  Thank God I don't have the issues you do.  I feel sorry for you.  All you can do is keep standing up for yourself.  If you don't let her push you around she will get the picture one day.  When you get the emails about the church reply with a "thank you but as we've said before we do not feel comfortable going to church here but we appreciate you taking your time". Be just as sweet as you can be to her.  It will drive her crazy!!!

Answer 4

in the churches thus far there. It's good that you both are on the same page as for your mother in law. But you do have to stand up to her as often as it takes until she does get the point, you and your husband have your own home and life in germany. rather you were back home living or visiting or what ever you're both in control of your life and manor in which you live. No matter where you are you can communicate with the heavenly father. If you've explained it once there's no seance in doing it again and again that you don't understand the language in those churches there thus far, why not suggest that she'd send you guy's CD's or tapes from your home town church sermens like every month, and even send spiritual books, and so on with your religion to study or listen to. As for trying to run your home, sweet pea can't no body run or control your house hold if it's your home, meaning you and your husband run that and no one else parents, grandparents on either side of the family has the right unless you two allow them the control and run of your home and lives for that matter. Your husband doesn't have to run from his mother, or home nor does he have to forget about them. But he has to say to his family what's on his mind and pray that they do respect that, stand firm with his mother and love her just the same.

Answer 5

Put them in a box floating down the river.

If that's too intense, forget about them, you don't need them to be happy.

Answer 6

You may just have to stop talking to her for awhile. Do not respond to her inquiries and don't tell her your business. If you share with her she will share with everyone else. I did not have this with my inlaws but with my mother who just couldnt shut up. Make your own plans and tell her what you are going to do. Let her know you appreciate but dont need her advise.  

Answer 7

As harsh as it sounds your husband is right.....forget them and move on.

My ex's father was constantly trying to break us up, even to the extent of telling everyone i was a criminal.

My ex would never confront him and she wouldn't let me confront him.  lack of action from me or my ex contributed to my divorce.

My point,  do not put up with bad behaviour from anyone, they are being disrespectful towards you and by doing nothing you are validating their behaviour.

Answer 8

my hubby's step mom is like that. we just ignore her and don't go over there to see his dad very much. is step mom doesn't let his dad do much with us anyway.

Answer 9

I have an EX Mother in Law.  She comes over very often and will snoop in my house.  She comes over to visit the kids, but she will go through my mail, ask my kids nosy questions, etc.  She ALWAYS makes snide remarks, and then pretends that she didn't KNOW she was being rude.  I have just learned become firm.  I am a grown woman and have a full time job, and I tell her if she wants to lecture someone she can call her son (my ex husband) and tell him his child support payment is about 2 years overdue. That usually gets her off her high horse.

Answer 10

  First of all, you are embarking on hopefully a long adventure with your new love. Building not only your relationship, but more important a future together. The only respect, trust and honesty developed in each other. Your familay as well as his just took the back seat. Your family is prority one! His parents and yours should repect that, like it or not. Thats the way life is. Never let them control what you want, but be tackedful in turning things your way. Even two weeks can be enjoyable, if you want it. Work together for harmaony, you might need them someday. You have 14 days, give them 4 days, your parents 4 days and you two take 6 days for what you two want to do together. everyone should agree with that. Be like a willow and bend a little, but make things more ( Your Family comes first) thats you and your husband and future children!

Answer 11

That sounds alot like my husbands family, It was so bad that when he came home for R&R from Iraq that he didnt go see them like he wanted. He was so sick of all the Bull. I think you both need to take your vacation back. You are both married adults and she needs to understand that. If you keep letting her play you like puppets she will never get the clue. After my husband and I made our point my mother in law has come to reality that we make our own decisions and she isn't in control of anything we do. Take care of it now before you get pregnant and she tries to run the show with your baby.