In a difficult situation with my father and his wife adopting a baby, please help me if you have any knowledge

Question

So my mother and father went through a divorce and are not exactly best buddies. My father recently told me that he and his wife are adopting a baby from another country. I do not live with them but do visit them occasionally. He has been asking me if i could help him out in a couple of ways though. He wants me to go get finger printed and i need to give a physical to the adoption agency with what shots ive had etc. I asked my mom to help me and she is completely against it. She thinks he is trying to adopt me or something and just tell me she is going to sue him for child support blah blah blah which i understand and all but ya kno it puts me in an awkward position because i dont know what to do. What i really dont understand is why he needs all these things from me if i do not live with them. He told me once it is because i visit and i am his daughtert i still dont understand. O and in addition im 17 going to be 18 in a month. If someone could please help me or give me advice.

Answer 1

If I were you I would accompany him and his wife to the lawyer's office and get the facts straight from them. It is unusual that they would need a background check of you when you are not 18 yet and the fact you do not live with them is another factor that makes this sound weird. Second thought do not go get your fingerprints or anything else alone, go with your mother and if she will not take you then don't go!!

Answer 2

Like Erin said, it is part of the homestudy process.  

When I did my homestudy, they asked about anyone over the age of sixteen who would be staying overnight in the house on a regular basis.  Had we answered yes to that (as your father did, being honest), then we would have had to ask that person to be a part of the homestudy.

For the protection of the potential adoptee, the state uses fingerprints to do a criminal background check. They don't want to place a child in a home with someone who's been convicted of violent crimes, for example.  

The medical exam is along the same lines.  In my state, it's required that everyone considered part of the household (even if only a regular visitor) have a medical exam to be submitted with the homestudy.  That one makes a bit less sense, as really it seems to me only the parents' health is important.  It doesn't matter what we think of that, though, the state makes the rules.

Like Erin pointed out, you're almost eighteen and couldn't be adopted against your will at that age.  

If you're still really having problems with it, tell your dad what the issue is.  Ask him if you could speak to his social worker yourself over the phone, maybe, to express your concerns. The social worker should be able to explain it better directly, as well as providing copies of the state statutes mandating the background check and other things they are asking for.

Answer 3

I've been looking at renewing my foster care license. In my state, the approval for either foster care or adoption is the same process.  One of the requirements I just saw on the website is this:

"(a) The health of persons living in the foster or prospective adoptive family shall not present a hazard to the children. Prior to licensure or approval applicants shall supply a statement from a physician that within the previous twelve (12) months:

Each person living in the home has had a physical examination and has been found to be in good health or that specified members of the family are receiving all necessary continuing medical care and are free of communicable disease; and the parents have been determined to be physically and mentally able to provide care to children."

I know you're not living in the home, but as it's your father who's applying, and you do stay at his house overnight at times, they must think it counts.

Also, when I did my last adoption, my older brother was living with us *temporarily* while his house was being built.  He would be moved out long before our adoption was complete.  Still, he was required as part of our household to be fingerprinted. If you adopt internationally, you have to be fingerprinted by the Immigration/Homeland security department.  This applies to all adults in the home. If you were younger, they probably wouldn't require it, but as you're almost eighteen, it's different. Others who've never heard of this must have adopted domestically, but in the US to do international adoption, you do now have to be fingerprinted.  

If you're really uncomfortable with all this, talk to your father and his social worker. Perhaps they could have a letter drafted & notarized saying that you don't intend to live with your father.  Maybe then he could proceed without your cooperation.

Answer 4

I don't think he needs that stuff from you for the fact that you are basically just a guest when you go to his house. Adopting someone doesn't really have anything to do with you. It sounds like your mother has got full custity of you, so she has no worries. I wouldn't worry about it. like you said you turn 18 in a month!

Answer 5

I agree with your mother that you should not participate in this, but not just for her reasons.  The information being requested (especially fingerprints) for a minor child just sends up all sorts of red flags to me.  I would decline and let the agency know that you do not live there and will not participate.  All they are supposed to do is interview the minor child. In some cases, they get a document from the child's doctor saying the child is in good health with no indications of abuse. There is NO reason to provide fingerprints even if you were an adult if you do not live in the home.  The state can do a background check without them.

Answer 6

We adopted recently and my stepdaughter had to talk to the social worker.  They did not require her to be fingerprinted and provide shot records because she did not live with us but that could vary by state.  He is being honest with you.  We ended up not being approved as fosterparents because my stepdaughter wouldn't talk to the social work at the agency.  She did talk to our social worker for our private adoption so things worked out.

Answer 7

I have such a suspicious mind.  It just doesn't make sense to me that he needs YOUR shot records and YOUR fingerprints because HE is adopting a child from another country.  Especially since you don't live with him.  I wonder if the foreign adoption story was just made up.  Sounds like he is applying for a passport for you and planning to take you out of the country.  How much do you trust your dad?  You mother sounds like she is suspicious of his motives, too. Maybe she knows him too well.

Answer 8

When we were adopting we had an exchange student at the time and the poor girl had to go through all that too. She was great! It's because you are underage at the time they are going through the process you will be considered a sibling and you will be visiting. The agency does not know the in and out of your relationship and just automatic assumes things. Sorry but this is the a big process that your dad has to go through. It's not fun and a lot of paperwork involved

Answer 9

Your Dad and step-mom will have to complete a homestudy in order for them to adopt the child they say they are seeking to adopt.  Part of that process is that every adult (which you will be soon) who will be living in the house must have a background check (the things he is asking you to do).  This is simply so the social worker can make sure the home is a safe environment, and you will be a part of the home environment so you must be part of the background checking.  You will probably be asked some questions by the social worker, too

You are about to be an adult and could not be adopted without your permission anyway, so your mother's concerns seem unfounded.  If you support your Dad and his wife adopting, cooperate with the process, if not, then don't.

Answer 10

I've adopted twice, once domestically and once overseas, AND I've been a cop for 22 years and to be honest with you, this sounds fishy to me.  I fail to see why they need your fingerprints and your medical info if you don't even live with them.  You may be family but you are no different then a visitor to their home when you do go.  I've never had to be fingerprinted for an adoption and even the criminal records checks are done by the agency (with your consent of course).

If you have any concerns (which I would) then I suggest you speak with the agency yourself to find out why this is needed.  Your dad should be able to provide you with the appropriate phone numbers.

Good luck

Answer 11

Not sure of all the specifics but this sounds plausible.  I am guessing that your father considers you a member of the household.  When my wife and I were adopting all members of the household needed medical exams, State Police and FBI background checks.

Answer 12

just do it without your moms help. At 17 you are old enough to go to the dr and get fingerprinted without permission. Your parents should learn to get along better for your sake, its sad you mom is trying to use this to get back at your dad.

Answer 13

Why I understand the adults needed to be fingerprinted because the are the ones adopting.....I am very concerned as to why YOU need to be fingerprinted as well. And why do you need your shot records? Are your traveling abroad with them? This does not add up!

RED FLAGS HERE!!!