In a pickle, adopt or care for?

Question

1st I'm an American living in a foreign country. Married to a national. I'm 50 shes 27. I've had a vastectomy. She wants children but understands it may not happen. Her brother has 5 children with 0 income. They want my wife and I to adopt their youngest of two months old. I am open to it , however I also see that having them living next door might become awkward. Any personal thoughts? Ideas? experiences?

Answer 1

I don't think you would ever feel as though the child was yours, and nor would your wife's brother and his wife. If you want to help them care for their child, that would be your choice, but why not adopt one of your own that really needs a home.

I think you also need to suggest to your wife's brother and his wife that they either start using birth control or stop having sexual intercourse. Seems like the obvious answer to their problems. I wonder if they plan to just continue with wanton breeding when they don't want further children.

Answer 2

If separating a child from his or her siblings is absolutely necessary (sigh)  I would have thought having his or her brothers and sisters closeby would be of great benefit to the child

Family being close to each other could never be awkward, family belongs together

Answer 3

I say you should start by simply caring for the child, and if the situation works out without too much interference from the brother and his wife then you should proceed with formal adoption. Since he is already your nephew, at least if they decide to take him back you will still be very close and he will always share a special bond with you two. Every family is different and this could end up in one of many ways. Take it slow and cautious and see how it plays out. Good luck!

Answer 4

Umm yes what Gershom says is exactly it.. Why not help them support their family and keep them intact rather than causing a seperation that will be devestating to both mother and child? Or if you really feel you must take the child in, what about Kinship Care of Legal Guardianship? That way the child still has it's natural family, yet you are still mother and father to the child. Or what about getting your vasectomy reversed? You can do that, and it is usually a fairly successful surgery.. Just food for thought..

Answer 5

Read Mao's Last Dancer.  This sitation is addressed, Li Cunxin the author (it is a biography) has a brother that is given to an Aunt and Uncle at birth, the adopted son feels left out his entire life.  Even though he lived next door, had far more money, and was raised like a brother, not a cousin.  Whatever your choice, make sure that you smother all 5 children with love.

Answer 6

If you choose to adopt, take your wife and child to America if you can.  This will give the child a chance to grow up without the pull between you and your wife and the natural parents.  Otherwise you are likely to have a child that is torn as living that close, things will be said and emotions will run high.  On the other hand, if they see you want to take their child and adopt it and love it and raise it right, maybe they can push the emotions down and put on a brave front.  But it will be so very hard.

Answer 7

Why not just assist them in caring for their child and be a really involved aunt and uncle being that you're...just next door and all.

why does the child need to be calling you dad and her mom in order for you to love them like you're own. Why can't you just love them, just as much and be the best uncle and aunt this world has ever seen and allow their family to live loss free from the loss of a brother, loss of a child, and him losing his siblings and mother and father in the process.

Answer 8

Care for