In-laws Planning Wedding!!!?

Question

My in-laws talked me and my fiance into letting them pay for our wedding and I accepted with hesitation but figured anything would be better than going down to the courthouse (which is what we were going to do because we don't have the money). So we set a wedding date six months away and I kept trying to ask them what was going on with the wedding but would either get the run around, the "everything will be great...there's plenty of time", or the your-being-a-***** attitude. So I decided to let it go and that it would probably turn out just fine, but now it is 3 weeks til the wedding date we planned, invitations haven't been sent, and because they changed their minds about the location of the wedding ceremony they called and told us to find an officiant in that area for our date. I'm so frustrated!!! We wanted to cancel everything but when we talked about it my mil flipped her lid and told us that we owned them a few thousand dollars for the wedding. Is this ridiculous or what? Advice?

Answer 1

Well, call it off - eat the costs, and plan the type of wedding the two of you can afford to pay for yourself. Be adults.

He who pays the piper calls the tune...

Answer 2

First...you are going to be with this man for the rest of your life...and his family. How does he feel? Sit down, discuss it, be sure you are both on the same boat. Then do what YOU BOTH choose.  

Your in laws are really being unreasonable. If they are paying they have some say as to how extravagant maybe, but this is your day and your fiances, not theirs!  If they can't give you answers to questions ( you both ask them together) and you want to skip it and do it yourself...then you owe them nothing. They are being ungrateful to the daughter in law to be I feel!

But truly.... you and your fiance need to deal with this together!

Answer 3

You didn't ask them to do your wedding they volunteered, It is very difficult for them to sue you for the money, that they said they have spent. I you can actually plan a very nice small wedding in a short amount of time, and find someone that is ordained to preform the the wedding in the park or in the back yard, or in you living room, tell them if they don't like it to stay home. It's your wedding, Your day....be happy and get involved, if they have already decided that you have an attitude, show them what an attitude is and how you want your wedding. I wish you luck, Rev. Momma C.

Answer 4

Wow.  What a mess!!  My thoughts kinda are against rocking the boat because these people will be your in-laws who you will probably see pretty frequently.  But then again if you don't put your foot down and stand up for yourself at the start then your mil might always walk all over you.  It's your wedding not hers.  You wouldn't owe them any money because it was her wedding she was planning not yours!!!!

Answer 5

Oh you poor thing!!

3 weeks to go and you dont know where its at??

At this point in time you have two main options:

The first being that you do what you were going to and get married at the courthouse. They will get over the money they have spent on the wedding thus far if they truly love their son and want him to be happy.

The second is to make the most of the fact you dont need to organise a thing and leave them to it. Just turn up looking beautiful on the day.

Answer 6

I personally would cancel everything.  Tell them to have their own party and you and your guy get married and get out from under their disaster.  They can eat their own cost since they were insisting on complete control.  There is absolutely no excuse for them not being able to do all of this with a 6 month window.  

BTW, they could sue you, but it is unlikely that the judge would award them anything as they would have been out the money anyway. You made no agreement to pay them back.  The lack of the 'wedding' is their own fault. They can still use the services for a party or reception, but 2 weeks notice means a lot of guests won't be attending.

[edited to add]  I thought about this for awhile.  People can plan weddings in 2 weeks.  My suggestion would be to go to the courthouse where you get your license today and get a listing of officiants. Call them all to find out who might be available for your wedding. If none, get married at the courthouse and have the reception at your MIL's arrangement.  Mail the invitations now.  You don't have time to wait for a response, so your MIL's catering numbers will be whatever number were invited.   Just take a deep breath and never let your MIL plan another thing in the future.

While you could ditch the whole thing, and I certainly don't blame you if you do, it may spell doom for your married life because she will keep on about it forever. Unless you and hubby are moving 1000 miles away, I'd try to make do with the situation.

Answer 7

I hate to say this, but if you cancel the wedding they probably could sue you in small claims court for a few Ks, and besides, at this point you'll have much more fun if you just try to get along.  If they're giving you the "you're being a ****" attitude, I can't help but wonder if it's because you are sometimes being a *****.  Just take a deep breath, remember to THANK them for planning your wedding, take RESPONSIBILITY for YOUR choice to have them plan your wedding (not this "my in-laws talked me into it" c**p - sorry but you are an adult so if you make a decision, you take responsibility for it).  If they haven't sent out invitations yet, they do sound a little flaky, but why didn't you say anything two months before the wedding when yours didn't come in the mail?  And if you did say something, what was their response?  At this point, I would just ask them what help they need to finish the invitations or create an "evite," look online to find an officiant, etc.  Because you decided to let them throw this, knowing how responsible (or not) they are, and that's what's happening!  By the way, if you can't find an officiant b/c they're all booked, call your in-laws (POLITELY) and ask them for some help - let them know who you called and ask them for advice.

On a side note, I have no idea how old you are, but just from your general lack of direction over this whole thing ... Are you old enough to be married?  If you have any doubts, please get into some marriage counseling with your hubby!!!

Answer 8

I would honestly tell them to never mind about it and that you have other plans as they decided on their own theirs wasn't going to fall threw.

It was rude for them to take on a wedding, not allow the bride or groom to have any involvement in their wedding, not do what they said and then want to fit the bill on the couple?

I would just let them know by saying "Thank you but we decided that since nothing has gone threw with, we have already decided on how we will get married"

Before you tell her that, you and your fiance need to come up with a solid solution that your future in laws have no say in it.

example, if that decision is court house, so be it. If it is Vegas, so be it.  If it is putting it off for another year so you can save, then so be it.

Also let her know you don't owe anything when they offered to take on the financial part of it.

Invites should be sent out roughly 6 weeks prior to give guest time to get off work, find babysitters and put on their schedule.  

I think it is best to have a wedding you both can plan.

After all, who's wedding is it. Your's or in laws?

Why would you want a wedding that someone else put their own taste/personality into?......why not plan a wedding, if there will be a ceremony, in your own taste, personality and interest?

Answer 9

Have fun mate you gonna pay for it one way or other so enjoy the day and then move with out leaving a forwarding address.

Answer 10

Wow... Its your wedding you should get to plan it (unless you dont want to) That is really unreasonable of them... That is complete bull if you ask me... I really do not know what to say.  That is a really sucky situation. I am sorry! Good Luck with this.

Answer 11

One option is to elope, and then let your in laws host the reception party in 3 weeks. Honestly - if invitations havent even gone out yet, that is a little unorganised! Some officiants need more than a few weeks notice. Have you applied for your marriage license yet? I know in Australia we have to give notice of intended marraige at least 1 month and 1 day before the wedding. Do you have fill out any paper work where you are?

If you don't want to elope, just relax, and do only what she asks you too and try not to get too involved. If you get involved now it will be a bleak start to your marriage life. You don't want that stress. Find a celebrant, fill out all the paperwork and get yourself ready. Don't worry about the rest, because your inlaws are organising it, and as unorganised as they sound, they will be the ones running around fratically in the next few weeks completing everything while you are stress free. Trust me - their son is getting married, and as disorganised as they are, they will still try and make his wedding day as perfect as possible.

Answer 12

pretty ridiculous, but what i say you should do is this

-go get hitched

-tell them you wont owe them anything, they can host the reception if they reeeally want to help

otherwise tell them that youre gonna do this, all you want to do is marry the person you love, and you feel stressed out

they shoudl understand

keyword should lol

Answer 13

sorry no idea

Answer 14

you waaaay behind schedule. do it yourself. being a couple thousand dollars in debt isn't worth you being this stressed out and frustrated. if you want a ceremony, take out a loan or use credit cards. oooooor just go to the courthouse. this is you and your fiance's day, not the in laws'!