In laws make the other women who had a baby by my husband feel welcome in their home.?

Question

I have three kids with my husband.He has one child with this other woman he cheated on me with. His family and i are very close. I consider his family as my family because my mother and father are deceased.

My husband broke my heart when he got this other woman pregnant. It was hard for me to deal with the situation for awhile. But eventually I put my feeling aside and took on the responsibility of taking care of his child when ever she would come to our home.

We spent the weekend at husband mom house with the kids. Husband baby momma was coming through town and she wanted to drop the baby off with us. So when she came back to pick up the baby she decided that she wanted to visit his mom house. Husband parents and brother sat down and had a lovely conversation with her about her family and her life. Husband mom kept asking me to come and sit down with them while they are taking pictures of this woman and her child like this wouldn't bother me at all. The other woman gave everybody hugs(not me) including my stupid husband.The child is only 2 and i know his family is happy about their grandchild but it still hurt to be around this woman and to be happy with her. I think the little girl is a sweet heart. I know i may be wrong for feeling mad that they accept this women but i do. I don't think they should be mean to her but why are they trying to get to know her it should be about the baby not her. I just need help dealing with my angry and jealousy towards this situation. I feel like i want to leave my husband but the pain of doing so is so unbearable that i just stay. I just can't deal with the pain it makes me crazy.

Answer 1

I cant imagine how you feel. It's not fair to you. I know I would of never forgiven him for that. But you must love him. Your in-laws need to be more compassionate towards you though. As far as that women. Well she is the big loser now. Now she has to raise a daughter alone and your husband never left you for her. That home wrecker will pay in the end. It's all bizarre, and I cant even imagine what I would do besides whooped her Azz from the get go. Your husband is still a Jerk!

Answer 2

I'm sorry, I don't think I have any advice or comforting words for this!!  My heart felt bad for you when I read this.

Can you tell the in-laws how her visit made you feel?  May be if the  mother in-law knows  she will do things differently from now on.

I know me, I couldn't handle this what so ever.  Your either very strong  or your very stupid.  I just don't know for sure! Sorry!  

Answer 3

All I can say is, You are a far better woman than I can EVER be.

I would of murdered both of them.

And the humiliation of having to see that innocent child they created, I KNOW I would NEVER be able to bear that.....EVER!

Answer 4

like you, she is the mother of their grandchild......let the relationship between her and your in-laws go; you have already done all the hard parts, forgiving your husband and accepting the baby........

Answer 5

In all honesty, it is never going to be easy! The fact of what he did will always be in the back of your mind and no matter how hard you try, it will not go away. As far as his parents welcoming her in their home. I wouldn't guess they did it to hurt you. In fact they probably don't even know. No matter how much you don't like it, the truth is, because she is the mother of the child, she has to be a part of your husband's life. Medical issues that run in her family and even personality traits are things that you will only learn from her. The best way to "help" the situation is to talk to his parents and explain to them that it made you very uncomfortable. Right now they see her as the mother of their grandchild.

Answer 6

your in laws have to keep her sweet or they may never see their grandchild

is this REALLY whats gotten you wound up, or is it, understandably the last straw? you say you have dealt with all of this so far, the infidelity, the hurt, the baby

have you? have you really dealt with and accepted this, or are you going through the motions to keep your family together? this is one huge task for any one person, and as you can see from the other answers, none of us could have even begun what you have

sounds to me like you need a lot of help here, has anyone ever taken the time and helped you through this? perhaps its time for some YOU time, not you the mommy, you the wife, you the step mommy, you the daughter in law, YOU. i cannot help but think you would benefit from some therapy, to unburden all your pent up thoughts and frustrations that you must have

i commend you for what you have done, you are a better woman than i

Answer 7

Your a better woman than I am.  My mother in law still carries a picture of my husbands ex in her wallet (they've been divorced for almost 20 years and she cheated on him) This is minor compared to your story.  I would talk to your husband and let him know how you feel.  Good luck.  

Answer 8

First off, I think you are a very strong woman for staying with him and for tolerating this other woman. I do not think it is right for your husband to do that, then you stay with him and now the mistrss is coming to see his family? WRONG! You are right, it is about the child. Not her! If you are as close to his family as you say, they should side with you and be somewhat angry with what their son did and question the mistress on why she thinks it's ok to come over like that??!! I also think he should have NO contact with her physically. I think you have every right to be angry and jealous! Say something! Stand up for yourself!

Answer 9

Wow!  You must be a strong woman to be able to deal with that.  I cannot imagine how hard it must be to see your hubby with the baby he created with another woman while he was cheating on you.  I would kindly remind your inlaws that your husband had an affair with the baby's mom and that you are not comfortable being around her.  Tell them it is all you can do to accept the child, accepting the mother is out of the question.  I would not want to see that woman, let alone be in her company in YOUR family's home.  Does your husband understand what he has put you through?  He needs to step up and protect you from the pain HE caused.  He needs to keep that woman away from you and NEVER EVER touch her EVER again!  I wish you all the best.  And if he ever does anything like this again, leave him.  You don't have to have him to be happy.

Answer 10

You may choose to forgive your husband and accept his child, but that does not mean that you have to accept her mother. She should have no contact with your husband other than about their daughter. You can't control what his parents do, but you can let your feelings be known. It is disrespectful of them to have her at their house knowing that you are going to be there. Let your husband know your feelings on this. If he is truly sorry for what he done, then he will understand and try to respect your feelings by putting this other woman in her place. Afterall, this is his mistake to fix in the first place. Oh, and I have one question. Did your husband accept her hug? If he did, that's downright disrespectful to you and you should not have to put up with it. Are you sure that you completely forgave the affair? If not, you have a big decision to make. You've got the rest of your life to deal with this other woman, are you ready for that?