In love with 2 men... plz...HELP!!!!!

Question

Okay! I know perfectly well... I sound NUTS, right? Well I need some major advise here because I feel like I AM GOING NUTS over this!!!

Here is the situation.

I am 22 years old and have a son whom is 4 years old. His father and I were together for a solid 5 years. The past 2 years, we've been on and off. He is a great guy... hard working, family oriented, non-drinker, non-smoker... but quiet... very, very quiet. Sometimes when we are together, we don't speak at all, (even during the 5 years we were together). The man works his *** off, 10 - 12 hour days, 6 days a week! Now he don't help me out with bills (because we are together but not really together & he don't pay child support because he is a great father, very involved in his child's life). But when we were together, we would always split the bills. No matter if he would work 60hrs. that week and I worked ways less... going to college (to become a Nurse), plus doing the cooking and cleaning and most importantly mothering our child. Sometimes I would get so frustrated for the lack of help... I would ask for help all the time. I always felt so bad because I knew he worked so hard... but when he was home... it seemed like he still wasn't there. I know he needed time to relax and unwind... but did he really need to be barried in the T.V. and video games all the time?

I got frustrated and left. I wanted to have fun again. I was a responcible person, always got acomplished what I needed done. I wanted to enjoy life again, live again.

I met this guy a lttle while later. He was a friend of a friend who seemed to know everyone I knew... he was fun, exciting... the best part is he would come over help me make breakfast, clean (those little things). If I had to do errands, he wanted to go with me. It was so nice to actually be "with" someone. We went swimming, went out to eat, we went to Chuckey Cheese... all different things. We went clubbing and dancing. Man I had fun. It really seemed like we understood each other because he had a child with someone that he really cared about, like me. At first, niether of us wanted a relationship because we had both been there, done that. But eventually, we both fell for each other hard. He has had a picture of me in his wallet ever since we first hooked up. He made me laugh, we had a great time with each other.

But of course, since I had been with someone for five years and didn't have time inbetween relationships, I was confused... unsure.

My child's father wants to get back with me... this other guy wants to do something serious with me. Im just not sure what to do. I thinh I should stay with my son's father because , that's his dad. Plus he is stable and a hard worker. I know he would be with me forever. But this other guy gives me want I want... like kisses and hugs... has fun with me. But that is not my son's father. I'm afraid it wont work out and then I would definately loose my son's father forever.

When I think about this situation... I wonder do I choose with my head or my heart.

FYI: I was 15 when I first started dating my son's father, we nevergot married though we use to talk about it all the time. Also he had girlfriends while we were seperated too.

This other guy is great to have fun with, and I love the fact that he wants to spend alot of time with me... but im not sure if h**l be a good family guy or not. His job aint exactly the greatest and he likes to gpo out alot... but has the money for it.

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

your baby's father sounds like he really isn't interested in helping you. i suggest that you give this other guy a try and file for child support. to be honest if hes making all this money and giving you nothing, what are you waiting for? you need to be happy not settling for the baby's father

Answer 2

Well aren't you in a pickle.

Personall I'd go with who makes me happy...your ex or whatever is a hard working man, but he does what the typical stereotype husband does....work all day, then tv/beer/videogames all night....and the routine goes from there.  That sucks.  

Then other guy who had a relationship (PLEASE tell me he HAD it and is not STILL having it...cause if he's STILL having it guess what...all that lovey dovey is FAKE....it will most certainly not last once he has your or whatever, talk is cheap ....talk is cheap.) now you click with much more than the other guy and pretty much lights the fire in your pants (sorry no other way to put it, in a pissy mood.).  

Well, again go with where you're happiest.  Now it also depends on your ex....is he willing to seriously WORK on the relationship and remember that not only does he have to work 9-5 or whatever jobs he ALSO has to work at lighting the fire in your pants (figure of speech...agan pissy mood.)?  Because it doesn't matter if he works all those hours...SO DO YOU..with that baby, and if you can still manage to get some of the 'happy' time and desire to go out n have fun with that other guy why can't your ex?  That's called a relationship, and good relationships you WORK at, if he can't...then he might as well call it quits.

Now your new man on the other hand.  Guy doesn't work as hard, but has time for fun.  WELL, if you plan on startin a relationship with him....only reason you guys have time is cause he ain't payin YOUR bills or helpin YOU out ....except for cleanin.....also he likes to go out alot.  So can you imagine if you two decided to live together? You said he has a child too right?  Well NOW you got 2 mouths to feed, bills, and the guy has a lousy job.  Dating is fine, you won't have those responsibilities to each other when dating, but in a living arrangement OR marriage or serious relationship, unless you guys move up in the world you will have to work together and suddenly your responsibilities become one...and that can always cause 'changes' in the relationship.

So what do you do? First, i'd talk to the ex, as he's the one that's been there for you and SHOULD be the most genuine....see if he's willing to make that sacrifice to SERIOUSLY make it work.

Then depending on his decision and what you want to hear, go to the other guy....and let HIM know what da d**n deal is as far as how things will go.....

The decision is yours, not ours.....we can only give you options...and those right there are mine to you....you decide what your HEART desires and what your HEAD knows it's willing to take.

Answer 3

I think you already know what you want, and even though what you want may not work out ... I don't think you need to hold on to your baby's father. You sound like you love him but you're not in love with him, there is something that you need that he obviously can't provide you with *since he's so quiet*

I think you should at least try the other guy because in your writing you seemed way more excited describing him.

Like I said even if you don't work out, at least you tried.  

Answer 4

There should be a freakin CHARACTER LIMIT for these questions!

GEESH!

Get a thaerapist next time you need THAT MUCH space! Goodness...

Answer 5

wow, well since you answered my question I wanted to answer one of yours. I wasn't expecting it to be this long lol. But I read the whole thing and you know from your story it does sound like a difficult situation for you to decide. But just looking from the outside in. The guy you choose is the one that wants to put that ring on your finger. Someone told me you have no obligation to anyone if you are not married. It's kind of true and not true at the same time because you want to be with only one person. I know I only want one girl in my life. But if that baby's dad loves you so much he should be thinking or marriage with you. Ideally it will be him so you can have a family but you should really do what makes you happy in the long run, who wants to live with regrets. Good luck.

Answer 6

Hey all moms have to do the house chores etc.  the other guy will do anything to hook you and more than likely after your hooked he will probably just be a lazy bum.  How often does he see his child?  If he has a crappy job and you will be a RN, you will be supporting him.  How is he supporting his child?  Yeah well you can have fun with anybody.  Don't lead your husband on, if you want out don't do it cause of the other guy.  If you work for a hospital there will be plenty of opportunity to go out and have fun with co-workers.  Wooo Chuckie Cheese.  check him out