In need of a Ladies Opinion.... touchy subject?

Question

I won't go into heavy details here but...on May 7 my long time GF who we had planned to get married in the near future and i left college for the summer she would be in nyc and i would be home...on June 2 my GF and I broke up but for the next few weeks still talked like we were together etc. We basically broke up because she said I was being unsupportive of her internship etc., but i just tried to explain that my emotions were a little skewed do to the long distance for 4 months. I made her a build-a-bear (I know, very sappy but it was a reach) with my voice on it to show that I was there in a way etc. Then after that it got ugly, she called me for a week straight and insulted me etc so i started to see another girl (i still cared about my GF a lot but the things she was saying were cruel) Anyway, when she found out, she started to cry and saying she did not mean any of it etc. That lasted for 2 weeks then she called and said she never wanted to see me again, talk to me again, she had moved on etc. We then did not talk for weeks, I wrote her e-mails, sent texts etc. ... all ignored... she needed help with her summer classes and I did the work for her so she could relax etc. Anyway, the other day she contacted me saying she missed me and that she had been listening the to build-a-bear i made her ... she also called another day to tell me about how well she did on a work thing she had to do. Then, over the last 2 days...when I would get on AIM she would IM me .. at first i did not respond but today i did and the conversation was awkward and she just kept giving short answers. o, I have not decided to get on AIM in a few days and yesterday I got a text from her that just said "Hi." .... I have not responded as I have no idea what she is trying to do or what I should say back.... What is she feeling? What is the point of these aims and texts? We will be abck at school in a week.... any ideas?

Answer 1

Unless you enjoy being a leading man in the drama, let go. She is playing games and most often game playing involves a need to control the relationship. Were you to get married it would get worse ummmm like kitty whipped, same animal different word LOL. Seriously though do you really need a distraction like this drama chic, when you are trying to go to school?

Answer 2

I think she wants you and what ever or whom ever she is involved with in NYC and you are supposed to like it.

Find someone else. You are being led around.

Answer 3

long distance relationships are hard, and really, you should be concentrating on your studies, I recommend dating other people for now. No rule saying you can't get back together latter, if she matures a bit and isn't so crazy.

Answer 4

wow, she seems a bit crazy. I would try seeing other people. Has she always been this indecisive? She seems to be confused. Maybe you should talk to her face to face and see if her feelings are as true as yours

Answer 5

The 2 of you just need to end things for good - and that means no texting, no emailing, no talking, and certainly no doing her work for her!!  She's at a place where she doesn't know what she wants in a r'ship and doesn't seem to be very mature at all.  This back and forth is overly dramatic.  If she truly loved you, she would have done everything possible to make the distance thing work....and so would you.  It was wrong of you to automatically have a negative, give up attitude just because you're away from each other for 4 months instead of being truly happy for her new experience.  Instead of looking at it as a new adventure, the 2 of you just lost it.  She was wrong for constantly giving you mixed signals and basically just using you as her fall back guy.  If I were you, I would end the r'ship permanently and move on.  The r'ship doesn't sound healthy or mature in any way.

Answer 6

Ok, so im going to be short and sweet here- she only wants you when its convenient for her and when she feels like it. If you are happy with how things are now then stay with her, if you want a proper relationship then leave.

Answer 7

you should block her number so you don't have to worry about it anymore and ignore her screen name.

Answer 8

She's playing head games in order to manipulate you.  Get away.  FAR away.  And stay there.  You're letting her treat you like dirt.  So you're handing her power over you.  Care to explain that?  Is there some reason why you think you don't deserve a real relationship with a mature, stable, and emotionally healthy young woman?

Listen, when someone breaks up with you, it's OVER.  Take them at their word.  No emails, no phone calls, no texts, no cards or letters or bears.  Put your energy into moving forward with your life.  The other person doesn't get to come crawling back 6 weeks or 6 months later with some sob story about "I missed you so much."  They made their decision and they need to live with it, too.  

It's almost time to go back to school.  Is she going to be there?  Do you have the courage and the backbone to get on with your life, or are you going to cave in the next time she starts to cry?  You deserve better than this girl.  But until you start to believe that, you won't ever move on.

Answer 9

Uh, could you write just a little bit more, not quite enough for a effing novel

Answer 10

  It sounds as if she is under a lot of stress with school and all or maybe she is weighing her options seeing someone else.Stay cool for awhile it isn't a matter of life or death,if you don't see each other for awhile.Maybe that is what you both need.True love prevails.

Answer 11

NEEDINESS  is the key word !

& I mean both parties; She more than you.

However, from your story I hear it loud and clear that she was under a lot of stress and was totally off balance.  She felt her needs were unmet (may be neither of you knew how this need should be met at the time i.e. you didn't know how and she didn't know what/how to ask).  Your action also would have taken her mental space much needed for something else at the time.

Being apart for a number of months, you perhaps feel insecure and wanting more contact also.  That's adding pressure.

Catch 22 and problems escalate.  

Nice romantic touch on the bear , but  that romantic reminder would have made her missed you more as well as feeling more unsupported in the way that she needed.  You should know already that a 'build bear' cannot possibly be your replacement!

That would be my explanation of why she was so 'abusive' (from her point of view would be 'protecting herself' ! and sure way for you to not stir her up anymore).  Running straight off to see another girl didn't help.

So, now the pressure is off and she has mental / emotional space again - she realise that she has feelings for you and want your previous closeness back.

Difficult situation.

Break the statusquo.

I don't think it is a head game just yet but you are both sitting on that destructive door.

Unfortunately, based on my similar experience in the past, the only way to give this relationship a chance at all - you will need to be strong.  

Give it a break..... a long break like a year or so.  Not waiting but getting on with life.  It's a real test of both of you really feel about each other.  Time to digest and learn the lessons.  Talk to her and tell her so but keep it short , kind and very honest. It is going to be more difficult for you two as you will be in close proximity.  Establish some ground rules.  Set a review date to contact each other again should either of you still want to then.  But don't wait.  It is meant to give a frame work for a possible future together so that should either of you still want the relationship to resume you would know by then, if the other party is available and willing or not - without drama.

I am sorry if this is not such good news.  You have not much of a chance to make this work as it is now anyway.  Why not taking a big brave step and have some chance of the real thing?

Work on yourself to be less needy, more sure of yourself, knowing yourself better.  Work on communication skills. So you will not be repeating this pattern again with this girl or another as a future partner.

Get on with life in the mean time.  Who knows, you may meet someone else who can meet your needs better and think this break up is  a blessing.  Or you may come back together much better equipt to deal with any problems which may occur in the future.

Best of luck.

Answer 12

Two words: Head Games

Answer 13

is she bipolar?

Answer 14

I think she is unsure of herself in her decision to leave you. She seems to have only regained interest in you once you started dating other people. I would talk to her. Ask her how she feels about you. Then you can try to figure out if this is really what you want. The only way to move forward is to figure out how you got here. Otherwise, you should put it behind you.  

Answer 15

She sounds like she's all over the place, so why don't you just ask her what's up with her behavior? And man you work fast, dating almost as soon as you guys had a fight.  

Answer 16

Don't make any sudden moves and back away very slowly.  Heck if i know, sounds crazy to me.

Answer 17

Sounds like she is jerking your chain.  Tell her to make a frappin' decision about the relationship, then stick with her answer.

She's a game player sweetie.  You will either have to accept that or get over it.