In need of advice about adoption!!?

Question

We have a close friend that is getting ready to deliever her baby in 3 weeks and she doesnt want it. What needs to be done? Do we need to go through the whole legal process or can she just sign over parental rights over to us? Please help and let us know what you know. Thanks!

Answer 1

I'm sure when you said that "she doesn't want it" you meant that she does not have the means to raise a child at this time in her life so she is choosing to place her child with a couple who does.

Your first step is to find an adoption attorney, preferrably an adoption attorney.  They usually know of someone certified to conduct a homestudy and can give you the contact information.  Under circumstances like yours, there can be a rush put on the homestudy.

Also, you will need to have the birthfather to relinquish his rights as well.  If no one is able to contact him, it will be a lengthy process to terminate his rights.  And they must be terminated before the adoption can be finalized.

Your friend cannot relinquish her rights until after the baby is born and, depending on what state you're in, the time in which she signs varies from 24 hours to as much as 5 days after the birth.  She will then, again depending on your state, have a revocation period which is a time where she can change her mind.

I suggest contacting an agency or asking the adoption attorney about setting up counseling for your friend as well as yourself.  Adoption shouldn't be taken lightly and you should prepare yourself to deal with any issues your child may have someday with their adoption.

This situation can work out for the best for all of you.  I hope it does.  Above all, please keep the best interests of the child in mind.

Answer 2

you have do things through the legal process but you can  do every thing through a lawyer. But Yes it needs to be done.  

You can have her give you the baby untill it is all done, so she does not have to take the baby home with her .

Answer 3

Call an adoption lawyer and they will take care of everything and make sure it is all legal.  That is important.  Not sure if you even need a homestudy in this situation.  Ask the lawyer!

Answer 4

absolutly go thru it all legally as possible now she might not want the baby. but whos to say in 10 years later she wants the baby back and you dont have leverage she will be able to have her baby back always cover ur ***

Answer 5

It needs to be legalized. If she has second thoughts in 2 weeks or  2 yrs or 10 yrs she can have that child back b/c there was no legal adoption, therefore uprooting the child and everything it knows as home.

Get a lawyer, do it legally, and enjoy your new addition. :)

Answer 6

Yes, to legally adopt you have to go through the entire legal processes. At minimum, you have to have a homestudy, and file a petition to adopt in court. Your state may have further requirements as well regarding the natural mom receiving counseling, etc.

All you might be able to try (and if you're not family it may not work) is to get a temporary custody order while you're working on everything. This would not involve a full relinquishment on th mothers part, just a temp or interim guardianship order. You will need to hire an attorney ASAP to see what, if any, options you have. I would also hire your homestudy agency and get things started right away to show you are serious.

I suggest, however, that she take the baby home from the hospital and try to raise him. As a good friend you can help her...maybe she's just scared or overwhelmed and needs a friend more than she needs to place her baby for adoption. If she still wants to relinquish she can do so anytime after birth and you can start the process.

Answer 7

You should do no less than what is suggested in this pdf.  Anything less is unethical.

Answer 8

get to a lawyer immediately and start paper work now

Answer 9

It sounds so harsh the way you said she just doesn't want it.  That is awful.  Does she have a reason for not wanting her own child?  She took the chance of getting pregnant when she had s*x.  I think it sounds sad.

Answer 10

You NEED a lawyer, a good one now.

Answer 11

Put up the money for an adoption attorney now, to avoid any problems later. A referral service can get you a cheap consultation.

Yes, she is your friend, but you still want to be sure all of your "Ts" are crossed. For her sake as well as yours.

Congrats!

Answer 12

Call local adoption agnecies to get an Adoption Homestudy started.  May take more than a month, and expect to pay $500-$1200.

To be legal, make sure you either:

1.  Contact a local adoption agency and ask about an "identified" adoption -- they handle all the legals, diligent search, terminations, birthmother assistance and counseling.  Expect to pay $3000 - $10,000.

2.  Contact an Adoption Attorney and ask for adoption services listed above.  Expect to pay $3000 up  + all allowable expenses.  

Do not:

Give her any money

Take the baby as your own until she has signed

Assume the birthfather situation is a done deal unless he is present and you get DNA testing to prove he is the bio father.

Do:

Pay for counseling for her.  She is a best friend now, but who knows what will happen later. Grief is a funny thing.

Get the continuing contact agreement in writing and stick to it.

P.S. If you are going to adopt, you need to learn to be more sensitive and knowledgeable abuot adoption language!  It is VERY important in shaping how people (including children!) feel adout adoption and themselves!  Most birthmothers desperately want their children, but unselfishly do what they believe is in their best long term interest by making an adoption plan for them.

Good luck.

Answer 13

I would absolutely recommend that you NOT adopt your friend's baby. It has far too much potential to be a horrible situation for the child, and who knows about what it could be like for the parents. A child can not be shared in any way at all. The biological mother will not be able to just sit by while her friend becomes the mother of her child, no matter what she or you think. Someday the biological mother will decide she likes her baby now, or doens't like the way you've treated her, or just wants to get to know her a little, or feels like she could maybe just give the mothering thing a try. Or who knows what. Adoption needs to be done between parties that have nothing to do with each other. The relationships between the people need to be free of emotional entanglements.

Secondly, a mother can not just sign her baby over to someone else and that's it. The laws vary from state to state but, you definitely need a lawyer (hopefully an adoption lawyer). The birth father also has rights to the child and that needs to be documented and he needs to sign over his rights as well. A good lawyer will not jsut let you ignore the father's rights and a good judge will not approve of an adoption that does not include severing the father's rights.

Please do not adopt your friend's baby. If you want to adopt a baby, go through the proper channels and adopt a baby from someone wiht whm you have no previous history. If your friend can't keep her baby, she needs to go to an adoption agency and work with them to find a family for her baby. If either of you thinks this is not the way to do it, then you need to examine why and realize the problems that you are setting yourself up for. Your friend needs to say goodbye to her baby (if she doesn't want it) and not just sign over the baby to her friend.

Answer 14

You will need to go through the legal process. If you want the child to be legally yours and to prevent any other problems down the road.