In public, do you introduce your stepchild as your son/daughter, as opposed to your stepchild?

Question

I do. I've been a stepmother to her so long that I would just consider her my daughter. It's natural.

What about you?

Thanks for sharing!

Answer 1

my husband always introduces  our daughter as his own. he introduces little man (who is his) as his son, and bug is his daughter, he never differentiates :0) i think step parents who become mom/dad  are great, they became a parent by choice, they didnt have to, they CHOSE to when the childs bio parent wouldnt step up and do it :0)

but you have to take into account that not everyones step parents have been there forever and are seen as mom/dad  so its going to vary

Answer 2

I'm not a step mother but I've been a step daughter and it felt really, really good to hear my step-father to call me his daughter.  My father was never in my life so it was probably because of that.

Answer 3

No.  They are not my child and I couldn't introduce them that way.  The one time I did, other's corrected me quite quickly so I never did it again.  Plus, my step children could care less if I lived or died so they either intro me as their step mother or they don't introduce me at all.

Answer 4

My stepmother used to always introduce the children as "his, mine and ours"

I never liked that.

Answer 5

It really depends on the situation.  

If I'm talking to someone who's going to get uptight about dealing with a stepparent rather than a parent, but it's a situation where it's easier if I just deal with things, I'll call her my daughter (things like making doctor appts, talking to the school attendance office, etc)

But, for the most part, I introduce her as my stepdaughter, when it's just her.  And, when it's her & my other two, they are all 'my kids'.  

I like to keep it real as much as possible.  I like for her to know that I honor her mother's place in her life.  

I also believe that our step relationship is actually something we can both be really proud of.  We worked hard at building it.  We didn't have to.  This whole relationship was completely because we both wanted it to be - we choose to be in relationship with each other & that seems a little bit different or even more than simply biological parents.  I think it deserves the honorific of 'step' in our titles, especially when people then see the respect that's there between us, too.  

The longer her mother is out of her life (and it's been over 2 years now since we last heard from her), I find myself thinking 'daughter' more, just because there *is* a kind of space to fill now, as the place in her heart where 'mom' should be shrinks a bit, leaving emptiness that needs to be filled in for her emotional & developmental well-being.  

But, I have to be gentle there.  And, she's old enough & still PAS'ed enough to be sensitive to anything that's not genuine.

Answer 6

of course ..if you dont your making her feel seperated and less worthy as a child of yours

Answer 7

It's a personal thing, my stepdaughter prefers just using our names, IE: Neil & Nicole. not parental names. It disrespects her biological father who is still very much in her life. He's dad, I'm Neil. It doesn't mean I don't love her as much as my biological son.

Answer 8

Me and my fiance have been together for over two years. I have a three-year-old son from a previous relationship, who she treats as her own son. His birth Mother left us when he was two weeks old and has wanted nothing to do with us since, so he doesn't know her. My fiance has been a Mother figure to my son ever since he can remember, since he was about two months old. So neither of us see any reason why she should not be his 'real' Mum. We plan on bringing him up that way seeing as she has been the only Mother he's remembered and she is trying to get adoption of him.

Hopefully when he's older he can accept that and will have no interest in his selfish, drug addict birth Mother.

Answer 9

here's a thought for you to add to your dilemma:

how would you introduce an adoptive child?  would you say "this is my adopted daughter/son?"

I think that it all depends on the bond with your child.  If you have become a legal guardian, an adoptive parent, or a parent by marriage- those children are now yours and should be treated as such.  Love them, guide them, call them your own.

Answer 10

My boyfriend intoduces my daughter as his. He has been in her life since she was about 2 months old but my son as his step son. My daughter calls him daddy and my son calls him daddy Ricky.

Answer 11

most of the time i introduce my (step)daughter as my daughter but (as her mom is still in the picture) she calls me by my first name so we get some looks for that. also it gets tricky when her friends ask her over for the weekend and i have to explain that she's at her mom's (she goes to her mom's every weekend). and sometimes she corrects me and says "stepdaughter" not to be mean or because she doesn't love me but because she loves her mom and knows that no one could take her place. (when people ask if it's harder ir different being a step mom i just tell them that i'm still a "mom" to her, just one step to the side.)

Answer 12

I came into my three step daughter's life later on in life--they still have a mother, and I would never want to take her place.  They have expressed that as well.  I am a mentor to them, and I care for them like my own.  However, when they introduce me, I am their stepmom.  When I introduce them, I say "stepdaughter."  It is not a derogatory term for me, and it is the truth--that is what I am to them, and I have a great deal of respect for their mother.

Everyone's situation is different, and I think it would be different if their mom was not in the picture and if I was in their life when they were very young.