In reality, despite all its promotion as a "benevolent act", isn't Adoption rather abusive?

Question

http://terrilynnspencer.tripod.com/id2.html

If you adopt a child who is without any kin, that is one thing, but when children are knowingly given up by their parents and kin "to be given to a family more financially stable" Isn't this just a downward spiral of abuse? Please read the link before responding, thanks!

Answer 1

There are examples of both - adoptive parents and natural parents - abusing kids. I would consider most of the personal web sites as biased when people make sweeping generalizations for/against adoption.

Therefore, you can't make such a broad statement that such adoptions are "abusive". I also can't make the opposite claim that all adoptions are great. That is one of the main reason that we fail our children: we *assume* that people who had kids would be good parents or people who adopted would make good parents just because they opted to have/get children.

p.s. "Adoption is child abuse, slavery and rape all combined into one pretty package and marketed to wealthy infertile couples." BTW, the URL lost any credibility with that over-the-board statement.

And here's what I found:

Who is responsible for the abuse and neglect?

Of the perpetrators who were parents, more than 90 percent (90.6%) were the biological parents, 4.3 percent were the stepparents, and 0.7 percent were the adoptive parents of the victim. The parental relationship was unknown for 4.5 percent of the victims.

As you can see, adoptive parents were FAR less abusive. The link i slisted in the source below - it's not a personal agenda site, but a government run stat.

Answer 2

Adoption isn't abusive. People are abusive. Yes occasionally an abusive person will adopt a child, but the sad fact is that there are just as many natural children in the world who are abused by their parents.

I have 2 kids now, I know I can't afford a 3rd. My husband and I are responsible people and are preventing pregnancy, but if something happens and I become pregnant we would probably put the child up for adoption, and I would have no problem finding a couple who would love and care for the baby (I would choose an open adoption)

Oh, and don't confuse foster care with adoption, it's not the same thing.

Answer 3

i skimmed that article and noticed it said that some in adoptive care are raped tortured and/or killed... uhm that happens in homes where a child is a natural born child also. that has nothing to do with adoption it has to do with evil people!

adoption is wonderful! without it I would be without two of my siblings, who we love very much!!!!

also, yes i think it is terrible when a married couple gives a baby up for adoption after having several children because they cannot afford that ONE more child, i think that is bull c**p! these people are just not willing to give up their Internet, cable, clubs, going out to eat etc. there are ways to make it work!!!!!

Answer 4

No, I do not believe that that is true.  

I believe that website is full of incorrect data (why are there no references to the numerous reports that supposedly indicate adopted children are more often abused, and all of the other statistics she quotes?).  It seems to me like she is bitter about a decision she had to make, and she is trying to make herself feel better by spouting off against people that she sees as "the enemy".

Look at the options.  Should unwanted children be aborted?  Raised in an institution rather than in a home where they are wanted?  Left with parents that are unable to care for them?  If the parent changes his/her mind some time later (as it sounds like the author of this website did) then should the child be removed from the only home s/he has ever known to be returned to someone that is now ready to play mommy?

Birthmothers are not coerced into adoption, though they may try to make it seem like they are.  There are NUMEROUS means in place to ensure that they are willingly giving their child up for adoption (except in the case where abuse or neglect has been substantiated, and the children have been released for adoption by a courts order terminating parental rights).

Answer 5

We do not live in a perfect world and in some cases there are going to be children who do suffer in adoption but the same can be said for the childwho lives with bio parents. I'm a birth mom and i place my daugther into adoption so i know it better than anyone. I decided long and hard about adoption and no one forced me in fact the adoptive parents of my daugther talked to me first to help me make the right choice.  They didnt pressure me on ethier way to go just teling me about themselves and how they would raise her if she were there's. They cant have children because she has cancer and had to remove all her reproductive system. I had to go in front of a judge even to make sure that this is what i truly wanted. I still can see her and she's ganna know that she came from my tummy but that dana is her mommy. Me and her have a bond because she came from me but i can tell you she has a bond with her adoptive mom when she really sick or just is really fussy and wants her mom her little arms reach out for dana not me and that's how it should be. Aria had real bad acid reflex and she didnt have a medical card and since she wasnt there yet they couldnt use there insurance and it cost them 100 a bottle. They didnt care one bit they said if she needs it then of course we are going to get it for her and they wont get that money back. The worlds not prefect and i'm so grateful that my daugther isnt one of those children that do get hurt and that she has a family that considers her the most important gift that they ever gotten.

Answer 6

NO it isn't if the fmaily who has a child can not afford to give it a good home it should be able to give them to someone who wil love and raise them properly!

being adopted at birth does not effect a child in the slightest dispite your misinformed arrtical an adopted child ( from birth or below the age of 6 months) is not any more likly to have phycological problems then any other child !  

if adoption was not around the abortion rates would soar   and those babys would die - would you rather that!??? and if a child is with a women who who can not raise it properly or can not afford to feed it properly or who simple does not want it  is that what is best for this child ????

        I feel that your statment and that whole artical are wronga nd are misinforming people and puting many children at risk I sinserly hope that you learn from your ignoranse and can cecome a better person and do not spread these horable ahteful dangerous lies any further and if you do I pray for your soul because the damge you may casue too meny innocent lifes is simple unforgivable

Answer 7

A bit harsh. Especially since it is the next best option for a lot abandoned children who live in hideous conditions across the world. But yes, I do agree with you on the level that, it has now spawned a multi-million dollar industry based on' the benevolent act' myth. I wishh our society would be supportive of young mothers to keep their pregnancy, hold onto their babies. Instead  we actually encourage them to to give up, to abandon, in the name of love and sacrifice

Answer 8

This article is insane.  I would venture to guess it was written by an uneducated, narrow minded, lonely person.  Adoption is a wonderful thing and many times gives children a chance at life.  Many kids would not survive childhood if it were not for a non biological family giving them a home.  I agree that there are down sides to adoption (as there are in anything in life) but the good by far out ways the bad.  I also think it is appalling that people really think only rich adopt..........um not true.  This whole article is ludicrous!

Answer 9

In an ideal world, we would eliminate poverty, sickness and abuse, so all children could be in loving homes with their natural parents.  Until that happens, I'm grateful  that there are kind people willing to give a loving home to a child in need.

Answer 10

yes in some situations children are abused but that lies with the agencies not the birth mother. and to say that the bad out weight the good is just ludicrous.

Answer 11

Well, regarding that article, I'm not sure where the authors got their facts (since they didn't cite any sources for their claims, which doesn't bode well for credibility), but academic research on adopted children actually shows that adopted children are, in general, well adjusted and, in fact, in general they don't have any different or more severe "psychological issues" than non-adopted children. Yes, I see the book quote by the woman with a PhD who wrote a pop culture book, but I do not believe this book contains research findings.

Now, that's not to say that in countries (including this one) where the system in place creates social inequities among classes which often leads to a birth mother setting up an adoption plan isn't a problem that helps create a "need" for adoption.

But child abuse? Rape? I'm not buyin' it. And I would think this connection drawn in the article from the website might be offensive to people have actually been abused as children or who are survivors of rape.

BTW, in the interest of full disclosure, my husband and I are in the process of adopting.

Answer 12

I'll address the link first.  The black font half on the left column was over the top I think.  I think it completely overshadowed the right hand column in purple font that held a lot of truths to adoption loss.

As for your question... I think that while adoption is a good thing in certain situations, I think facilitating and encouraging keeping families intact is even better.  Adoption practices need to be seriously reformed, as do the ideals of how we think of adopted people.

Those that have been adopted deserve to have all documents regarding their adoption.  They also deserve access to their original birth certificates.  There should be no reason why they aren't given the same rights as anyone else.

Answer 13

i went to the web site and i do not agree with what it said. yes if someone adoptes just because of the money of course the child is going to be messed up because to be parents you heart should be in it but if you adopt because you want to be a mother and father the no i think it is a wonderful thing at least the birth mom gave them a chance to live

Answer 14

Ahhh, the same Nancy Newton Verrier who was adopted and abused and now hates the world, that is the lady who wrote the book. Well, her views never would be skewed.

My answer: A few bad apples in adoption do not equall a wrong idea. I think adoption is beautiful. And so do the two little chinese girls my neighbors adopted last year. They run and play and laugh and have normal, happy lives in a middle-class suburban family.

Answer 15

You don't understand it at all, do you? Sometimes, it is a lot better for the child to be placed for adoption, and not only that, it allows the mother to finish school, and better herself in order to be able to better care for any children she might have in the future. It's not all about the new family being more financially stable. It's about the child having a better environment to grow up in.

Answer 16

I think the writer of this article has a lot of issues she needs to deal with. What would she suggest we do with the children who cannot in any way be with the mother who gave them birth? Perhaps Mom is 12- what should we do then? Perhaps Mom is a crack addict? What should we do? She talks a lot about rape -not in the usual conception of the word but as if it is a sexual matter to give a child up for adoption. As if the Mother is forced to do this -when that is not usually true.

There is no proof that children who were adopted are more likely to suffer abuse -physical or sexual. Nor did she give any proof or links to show where she got these figures.It has not been my experience that adopted children were more likely to experience abuse but rather that they were more likely not too.

Most mothers who give up children for adoption have considered their options pretty closely and decide to give their child a better future. Obviously neither you or the woman who wrote the article have any understanding of the needs of children of poverty. They dont eat well, dont have nice clothes, dont go to good schools, have no opportunity for college and Mom 'n Dad(if there is a Dad) are angry and often resentful of the children they have produced. There is a true cause of abusive relationships.

Answer 17

I think that it's totally ridiculous. I know several people who have been adopted and are glad that they were given to a loving home.

Answer 18

I think that link is total rubbish.  So lets just say for a minute your mother didn't want you.  I think it's more abusive to let your live on the street or in an orphanage with no loving role models then to find a family who will love, support, and encourage you.

Adoption is a beautiful thing.  I have 2 friends that were both adopted, and they're fine with it, and fine with their lives, and love their adopted parents the same way I love my biological ones.

Answer 19

I placed my child for adoption.  I do not feel bad about my decision.  Nor do I feel that I placed my child in a bad environment.  I do not do drugs.  I am not a welfare case.  I have an older child who is almost 4 and her father is also the father of the child I placed (he and I are also married).  He and I are in the middle of a divorce and there was no way I was emotionally prepared for an infant.  I thought about this long and hard and did not come to a decision until I was 7 months along.  I chose the couple in my 8th month.  The couple I placed my baby with were absolutely wonderful.  I could not have asked for anything better.   I think this poor person who wrote all of that clearly had a bad experience (probably forced to place her child in the 50's or 60's) and is basing all of this off their own traumatic experience.  Don't buy into all the hype you find on the net.  There is good and there is bad, but do not think it is all bad.

Answer 20

Whoa, people.  I don't think that Bernice is trying to make any kind of point that all adoption is bad by presenting us with this link!  What she is pointing out is that their is a higher prevalence of abuse within the adopted families on a statistical basis. http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/ar... Here are some case studies for you all to ponder http://www.amfor.net/KillerAdopters/ Considering this, and Bernice's link, might it be better to provide strategies for keeping children with their natural parents rather then dropping them into a system which is statistically worse at providing stability?  Here is a list of more links that you can follow to read studies that display adoption as a flawed system! http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/st... Just because Bernice put forth the most polarized example does not mean that there isn't still an underlying flaw in the system!