In the mood to tell a joke????

Question

I'm in a real crappy mood, so tell me a joke...

Doesn't matter what kind, but the one that makes me laugh the hardest [without spitting my Dr. Pepper out] will get best answer :]]

Answer 1

I'm not really in the mood, but I'll tell you one anyway.

Two men from two different countries were talking about space travel.

One said, "What do you think about America being the first people to land on the moon?"

The other said, "Big deal, we will be the first to land on the sun!"

The first said, "That won't work! You'll burn before you got there!"

The other said, "No, we're going at night!"

Another one:

A man rushed home to his wife. "Honey!! Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!!!"

His wife replied, "Amazing! What should I pack, beach clothes or mountain clothes?!?!"

He said, "I don't care! Just get out!"

Answer 2

r u a male or female to find out look down.

I said look down not scroll down, i guess you depend on ur comuter too much.

Answer 3

President Clinton is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Democrat puppies, Mr. President." Clinton thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Hillary what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Republican puppies." The president looks puzzled and says, "Yesterday, you told me they were Democrat puppies." The man smiles and says, "Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!"

If you pull the wings off of a fly, does it become a walk?

and my finnally

A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter "I think I will have the turtle soup". The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup. He yells to the waiter "Hold the turtle, make it pea"

  

i could really use a best answer! hope you feel better!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

mean joke ahead

there is a doctor and goes to the female patien and says

doctor.-i have a bad new and a good new, what do u want first?

woman.- emm, the bad one

dr.- well, you have cancer, i predict 4 months before you pass away

w.-  (crying) what is the good new?

dr.- (with a big scream of emotion and happyness) YOU ARE PREGNANT!

Answer 5

blonde jokes are my fave!!!

http://www.ahajokes.com/blo021.html

http://www.humorsphere.com/sms/clean_blo...

http://www.jokesblonde.com/

http://www.cleanjoke.com/humor/Funny-Stu...

other sites with funny jokes:

http://www.cleanjoke.com/

http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/

Haha these are hilarious!! Happy Laughs!!! :)

Answer 6

when i was yung i made this up how much of a bunch can u find and crunch till your hands crunch into bunch bunch bunch im extremely bored like u so i got nothnig  so wat about this a boy named johney was in a public pool and the life gaurd said: your not supposed to pee in the pool thne the boy sad but everyone pees in the pool and the lifegaurd said yes thats true but not from the diving bored im wsorry cuz i got nothing and im feeling like u

Answer 7

What does a hillbilly call a deer with no eyes?

No Eye-Deer !!!!!

Answer 8

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Answer 9

Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he wound up with very bad breath. Therefore: he came to be known as a...

Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

:)

Answer 10

A drunk dirty lady with hairy armpits walks into a bar, she raises her hand and asks "Who would like to buy this lady a drink? no one would answer, so she asks and ask until a very drunk man acrossed the room said "bartender give that pretty ballerina a drink" the bartender with a disgusted face gives her a drink, she downed it and raises her hand again "Who would like to buy this lady a drink? Again the same drunk man tells the bartender, "bartender give that pretty ballerina a drink"

the bartender confused asked the drunk man "excuse me sir, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?" and the drunk man answered " Any woman that can lift her leg that high, has to be a ballerina

Answer 11

A female officer arrested a guy for drunk driving> she said "anything you do ro say will be held against you"

The drunk guys yells "****!"

add: T*TS (fogot they xxxxxx out "bad wods" )

Answer 12

I really like this one (not funniest on the world, but one of my favorites):

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip.  After a good meal and a bottle of red, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.  

Some hours later Holmes woke up, nudged his faithful friend and said, "Watson, I want you to look up at the sky and tell me what you see."  Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."  

Sherlock said, "And what does that tell you?"

After a minute or so of pondering Watson said, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.  

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.  

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning.  

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.  

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day today.  What does it tell you?"  

Holmes was silent for about 30 seconds and said, "Watson, you idiot!  Someone has stolen our tent!"

Answer 13

what did the brown chicken say to the brown cow??

brownchickenbrowncow

(bow chicka wah wah)

haha, i thought it was funny.

Answer 14

how much does a polar bear weight....

...enough to break the ice, hi i'm paige

Answer 15

there once was a football coach and his star player was a man called Bubba J, he always had girls around him everywere he went.

1 day the coach asked him, bubba, whats your secret and Bubba replied, "well coach, just before i s***w them i bang my thing against the bench to make it numb, then i can s***w all night!.

the coach was amazed and whent home, his wife was in the shower and straight away saw his window of opportunity, he ripped his clothes off and started baning it against the bench,

straingt away the wife sticks her head out of the shower and asks "is that you bubba?"

hahaha happy laughing pplz xoxo :o)

Answer 16

One day, 3 men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor.

After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?"

"Yes doctor, im right here," he said anxiously.

"Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!"

"Wow, thats great, because I work for the DoubleMint company."

About 5 minuter later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you hear?"

"I'm right year Doc," he said.

"Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!"

"Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M."

A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?"

"Right here docta," he said.

"Wonderful news! It's-"

"Wait a minute!" the man said. "I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the 7-11."

LMAO

i love it :)

Answer 17

Why did the COMPUTER cross the road??

Because it was programmed by the chicken!!

Answer 18

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

Answer 19

Person A:  Knock, knock.

Person B:  Who's there?

Person A:  Go tell yourself a joke.

Answer 20

why did the cow cross the road... to get to udder side!

why did the gum cross the road... it was on the cow's foot

Answer 21

A man and wife were sitting in church. The man whispered, "I just let out one of those silent farts. What should I do?" The wife answered, "You should change the battery in your hearing aid."