Inappropriate or not??? (Teachers and Parents please read)?

Question

My daughter's 1st grade teacher went on maternity leave and she will have a sub til school ends. The sub told some of the kids that he won't be able to remember all their names, so he will call them baby doll, sugar plum, or honey pie.

Is it just me, or is this totally inappropriate? I have a tendency to overreact to things, but I don't think that this is one of those cases.

I called the principal and told her that I thought this was inappropriate, she seemed upset that I was accusing this man of any wrong doing and basically told me that this teacher is highly regarded with daughters of his own. But that she will let him know and it will stop.

Ok, great, so let him call his own daughters honey pie and baby doll, not mine. Or am I wrong?

Then my son tells me "Mr Z.? He's a cool teacher, he likes rock music, he's cool."

Now I feel bad. But when it comes to my kids I'd rather overreact and hurt a teacher's feelings than under-react and have something bad happen.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Totally inappropriate, you did the right thing by telling the principal.

However, the sub could have been joking...

It's hard to come in as a sub toward the end of the year, just so you know. You only have them a few months, after they've had a rapport with their regular teacher and established relationships.

Answer 2

I think you're greatly overreacting.  Get a grip, lady.

Answer 3

i think you are over reacting especially since the kids are so young, it is common (at least here) to call kids hun, sweety, darlin' , all sorts of cutsey little names whether we can remember their real ones or not. the older generations will call  younger grown people by the same alot of times, i think our society has become hypersensitive, and its causing alot of problems at times.

Answer 4

He probably said it jokingly to make the kids smile.

A good teacher or sub will always do his or her best to recognize and be able to call each child by name as this is a great tool in keeping order inside and out of a classroom.

Don't ever feel bad about looking out for your own children though.You did what you felt was necessary.

Answer 5

I am a parent and a teacher. I have been with my class all year and yes sometimes I do call them sweetie or hun. The parents hear me do that and I have a good relationship with all of them. They know I love their kid like I do mine. However, if there is a sub and no one really knows him I think he should be more professional. I get to know the kids names as soon as I can. I think since it is his job to teach, he needs to use their proper names. I don't think I would appreciate a sub coming in and calling my daughter "baby doll" when I don't even know this man. Sends up a red flag to me.  Don't feel bad. If you don't like something you have every right to call the principal and let him or her know. Go with your gut on this one. After all, you are talking about your child. To me it is lazy on his part not to learn their names. They were given names by their parent and they should be used. I hope this helps you. Like I said I am a teacher and a parent.

Answer 6

Looks like you have some great answers already, just wanted to add in my opinion as well...

I am in the education field, and I work with 16 different classes on a scheduled rotation. I will admit that I do not remember all 450ish of my students' names. If I don't remember their name, I either look at the name tag on their desk, check the seating chart, or simply say "I'm so sorry that I forgot your name... please remind me again." Yes, there are times that I use, "boy/girl or young man/woman" depending on which grade level I am at.

I would never tell the students that they have to just get used to me calling them a nickname. I agree fully that a parent gave their child a name for a reason. It should be used.

I suggest trying to talk to the sub and/or the principal again. If that doesn't work, what about offering to "help out" in the classroom for a little while one day (to check up on what is going on). You have a right to know that you're daughter is being treated properly and fairly in the classroom.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

This is inappropriate and unprofessional. It is terrible teaching practice not to bother learning the children's names. A teacher can quickly and easily learn names. Good teaching practice shows enough respect to the children and their parents to learn their name and use it correctly. I would feel this way if it were a male or a female teacher.

Sometimes teachers do use endearing terms, eg, "Can you get that book please, sweetie?" just as a parent would, but you still use and know their names.

I doubt something 'bad' would happen - I don't think this teacher is doing anything wrong besides being disrespectful to parents and to teachers by not bothering to use the children's correct names.

Edit: No professional educator should be trying to be 'cool' and be the children's friends. We are not their friends, we are their teachers, and our job is to provide education and care, not friendship.

Also, children are not cutesy little toys for us to play with. They are children, and need to be respected as children and as human beings, not as our toys.

Answer 8

Maybe it was taken out of context. It could have been innocent. I think you overreacted, but it's better safe than sorry.

Answer 9

i don't think its inappropriate. I'm in grade 9 and my homeroom teacher last semester called us her 'lovelies' and if she was talking about us to another teacher we were her 'babies' cuz we're the youngest grade she teaches. if you feel its inappropriate have your kids wear name tags and ask him to pay attention to that..

Answer 10

it could be interpreted either way

but if he really cant remember their names he should just give them name tags

Ive had teachers who have called the kids dear and honey on occasion but not all the time

Answer 11

I feel that he is building a bond with the students. They are children. While being professional is a must, having some type of connection wiht the student is important. I can see myself saying to my kids, "Well, I will never be able to learn all these, I am going to call you baby doll and you honey pie, and you...." It is being silly, without getting out of hand.

My biggest issue is that you went right to the principal. Why wouldn't you go to the sub and let him know how you feel?

I really think you are overreacting this time.

Take Care. SD

Answer 12

I wouldn't say you overreacted.  It just depends on the tone of voice you used with the principal.  But you have a legitimate concern and the principal should have thanked you for that concern and left it at that instead of making you feel like you committed a crime for reporting it.  

These days, a first-grader cannot even give an innocent kiss to another classmate without it making national news over the legalities of it.   So I can't believe this type of name-calling wouldn't be considered inappropriate as well to the powers that be.

Answer 13

I am both a Teacher and a Professor.

I am also the mother of four children

ranging in ages from 9 to 14 years of

age. I would feel the same way you do.

These names are overtly sexual and

have no place in the classroom. My

husband is a Doctor and he agrees.

I do not think you are overreacting at all.

I have a tendency to call children "dear" ...

and I am careful about that !

I never would call any of my students Sweetie

or Doll Face...NO !!!!!!!!

Ok..this is just one Professor/Mom's Opinion

and one Doctor/Dad's opinion.

Answer 14

I wouldn't like it either. It's not appropriate and it's disrespectful to the kids. There's no reason why he can't have name tags on their desks and call them by their names.

I get really annoyed when grown-ups disregard the rights feelings of kids just because they are little. They have their own names and should be used.

Answer 15

noo.

thats not innapropriate.

he's just saying the little kids are cute =]

Answer 16

Over-reacting!!  It really sounds as though it were taken out of context.  He may have been lightening the mood a little bit.  And think about it for a minute- don't you think the students would try harder with a teacher they think is "cool"?  Trying to impress him, make him happy?  Your child is in the first grade... 6 or 7 years old.  Perhaps he is not providing you with the complete truth (not on purpose, but due to his age).  Have you thought for a moment that maybe the child he threatened to keep back in class might need special circumstances?  "Benching" kids is not always the best method, espcially if they're on the bench with other kids.  Calm down.  You reported it to the principal so let her do her job.

Answer 17

Okay no offense, but you are not over reacting and I don't care what the other reply's are.  As an educator you call the student by their first name not cutie, honey-pie or sugar plum or anything like that.  You make them wear name tags everyday and if that isn't good enough you tap them on the shoulder to get there attention.

I think the principal was a complete jerk and should realize that and I know its only first grade but if another adult whether parent or student could take that as sexual harrasment and report it to the school board.  Then the teacher and principal would be in trouble.  

I detest men or anyone calling females sugar plum or chick.  We are not a fruit at christmas or a fuzzy little yellow animal.  we have great parents who gave us a name for a reason, use it or don't talk to us.

Just to add there is a difference in being the teacher for a whole year and giving pet names...over a sub who doesn't want to take the time to learn the names because there are only a few weeks lef tin school.

Answer 18

I know why you feel that way, with everything that is going on in this world, its hard to know when someone says something if its just out of innocence or if there is a different reason. Its hard to be able to tell anymore. I don't find it too wrong with it, but if the kids start to say somethings or act different or anything like that, that is when I would start to really worry and act out.

Answer 19

i think no i know you did the right thing it may have been Innocent and not mean anything but in this day and age it is very inappropriate for him to say or do that

dont feel bad you must protect your own first and formost and the principal was out of line to to come off as she did

Answer 20

Teachers commonly come up with pet names for students when they can't remember their names. Some formal alternates are "young man" or "young lady". Most kids feel like they're getting in trouble when the formal version is used. Many, many years ago when I subbed at headstart I used "bunny rabbit". It's just until the teacher learns the names.

Answer 21

I think you overreacted, but I suggest that you offer to volunteer in the classroom.This way you see for yourself what is really going on.  If the guest teacher refuses, then convince the principal to allow it.

I have heard MANY teachers call students of that age by those kind of names. It is VERY common where I live and I wouldn't think anything was wrong if I heard that. I would be more concerned if there was a report of inappropriate touching.

Would you be as upset if the teacher were a woman?

Answer 22

Yes.  He was inappropriate.  And kind of creepy.  No adult man should be calling other people's children baby doll, sugar plum or honey pie.  This is why teachers have seating charts.

Answer 23

I understand that he may not remember all the names, but I don't think it's appropriate to give them "pet names" either. That doesn't mean that he is some raving pedophile though, it could just be that having daughters of his own he doesn't see anything wrong with it. I don't see anything wrong with staying in with the teacher for misbehaving. My school always did that, we had extra work too.

Answer 24

I would absolutely be irrate if a teacher called my child "honey pie" "sugar plum" or any of those names. most classes have a seating chart with the child's name on it. If your child's classroom does not have one, offer to go into the class and make one for this sub. That way he can address the children by their names.

Answer 25

Thats scary you did not over react repeat did not over react i would have done the same thing and more im not over reactive people say im laid back most of he time but he should not call them cutie sweetie pie whatever it is not right  i know that kids think some adults are cool but really thats how molesters get their prey sorry but thats the truth now u need to talk to your daughter to see what else this teachers does or says to the kids i know u want to keep ure kids safe

Answer 26

VERY strange! I have taught this age before..that is just NUTS! I'm uncomfortable just reading your questions..seriously! Let alone having my own children in that class.

What kind of unprofessional educator is this!?! You are WELL within your right to be upset..not overreacting at all!

Answer 27

to answer from the teacher side.  all the students call us ms or mr cause they have so many of us they cant remember our names either.  at least we get that much and not a hey u.  i think u overreacted a little.  but you told the principal that this was unacceptable by you hopefully the teacher will remember to use your daughters name.

Answer 28

I think you over reacted.

I think that if a child did not want to be called sugar plum, then the teacher would not have called the child by that nickname.

By him coming out and saying that he would apply nicknames though, he was letting the kids know, and the reason.  

If he had just started calling a kid "Sweetie pie" I would say it was inappropriate.  But its his way of connecting with kids.  The kids then vie for the cutest name, and the teacher is regarded as being "cool".

Answer 29

I do not think your reaction was inappropriate.  Why wouldn't this teacher just have the children wear name tags?  or have them say their names each time before they answer a question.  I am sure he could learn quickly that way.

I think if this were allowed, it sets the precedence for acceptability from our children to be addresses by this and the conditioning would stifle a sense of alertness in the case that someones intentions were not good.  If their loving teacher calls them by endearing names, then, if a stranger would do the same, the child may look at it as an acceptable way to be greeted and this could result in something not so good.  I would suggest name tags or reciting of names when asked a question.                                   K

Answer 30

The likleyhood is very high that the man has no ill intent.  Being inappropriate is most likley the farthest thing from his mind.  I would try not to hurt his feelings but possibly inform him that it made you a little uncomfortable and you had heard nice things about him.  You might say to him that while you are sure things are just fine some other parent could take things the wrong way and make trouble for him.

Answer 31

I would have no problem with him calling them "honey pie", etc.  In fact, when I go into school to volunteer or whatever, I always call the kids "Sweetie" or whatever, no big deal.