My father married my mother in '86 (she's disabled from a brain operation she had in college). He did poorly in the military and ended up working as a manager at McDonalds for a while (among other jobs). He went bankrupt in the late '80s and then by a great windfall got a second chance for active duty in the military. Since then he's advanced dramatically in rank and gotten three advanced degrees (one of them a doctorate) but even though he's technically made it, it's always been stressful living with his borderline abusive personality.
From the time I was a kid, he yelled and screamed a LOT when he was angry, as well as desensitized us to blue military language before we were all ten. He was a terrible father as well as a terrible role model (he cheated on my mother a few times), and my mother never did anything to challenge that over the years. Oddly enough, I'm turning out OK...I'm doing great in school and I have a good grasp on my morals, but this was all self-taught. None of this came from my parents.
He's now close to bankrupt again. His spending habits are so impulsive, my grandmother decided to leave neither of my parents any money in her will (since she was afraid of Dad bullying Mom for the 100K, my mother only gets it if she divorces Dad or he dies). This has obviously made tensions really, really high moneywise and familywise since we all greatly respected Grandma.
I want to leave as soon as I can. My sister's escaped to college already, and I'm attending a community college so I can hopefully get out next year.
What kills me is that I can't help the situation any. My father's bankruptcy might be closer than I think, and my mother is terrified of standing up to him (he's never beaten her, but he's come d**n close a few times). For a while I'd openly challenge and lecture Dad (and try to give mom pep talks), but since nothing's changed I'd rather just cut and leave since apathy seems to be the least stressful way to deal with this.
What the h**l do I do? I don't want to start my career and let my father continue to drag down Mom with him, but since he's not smacking her around I can't press charges or even step in. The easiest way to deal with it would be to stop contacting both of them after I leave, but I love both of them dearly even if there's no respect there.
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