Indigo Black- "Deeper" Tell me what you think of my poem...?

Question

Why do we get sent 2 jail

Do the crime

But never wanna do the time

Why does time fly by

Each minute we live

Next hour we die

Why do i cry

2 Fight away my emotions

Gain happiness & devotion

Why do we care so much

About our race

When we know it's respect

We chase

If that's the case

Then why is so much

Time wasted.....2 get it

We concentrate on things

That doesn't amount 2 nuthin

Here's message

Get Up

Get Out

& Do sumthin

Babies gettin shot

Because one idiot

Is shootin his glock

It's not funny

Cars, Clothes, Money

Means nuthin 2 me

But it seems like

That's all people see

Life Could be happy

Life could be nice

But if we think twice

Of what we do

The sky

Would be more blue

But now it's black

Because the way

our society acts

The past u may wanna backflash

Love ones who passed

Hopin that last

Breathe & step

They made would last

4 More Knowledge & discussion

Why do kill

Because people feel

It will make us stronger

How longer will it take

4 Us 2 Understand

That there's a mistake

Does it make

You more of a man

More attention u demand

The deeper the words

So much depthness that

We all can deserve

As these answers will

Simplify your questions

& Also teach a lesson

Deeper 4 moral perfection

how that everyone understands what i'am tryin to say if no one has read deeper go to my questions and you find it. basically tells why we die 4 no reason. how we need to open are hearts more in the words of kanye west. hope you like it.

Answer 1

i love it

it really speaks out it to me and i can relate

especially around where i live everyone can relate

=]

Answer 2

That was nice. The voice of social reformer, and open mind thinker.U have pointed out the main social diseases, which should people be aware of, and try to deal w/ in the proper physical and intellectual manner. Ur quest for moral perfection was evident throughout the verse, yet U pointed it out in the last 2 lines.I agree w/ U about the message there, and I like it .

As a poem, it needs more work, but why worry about it? U expressed Ur ideas, thoughts, feelings and all Ur concern about the society and the world environment, in a clear voice and clear picture, and that is what count.

Answer 3

i think it's awsome.

keep doing what you're doing man!

Answer 4

Maybe the way in which you wrote it was a literary device, but it's very distracting to see all the net-speak and grammatical errors. I like the underlying message. I think it would get taken more seriously if it didn't APPEAR unintelligent.