Information on birth parents wanting adopted child back?

Question

Consider that a women decides to give her child up for adoption, goes through the adoption process with an adopted family, only wanting to keep her child after the child is born. The adopted family already paid lots of money for fees, medical bills, and for misc. things. I want to know where i can find information about what happens if a women wants to keep her baby and how the adoptive parents can get their money back? Any websites would hlep .Thank you

Answer 1

It sounds like you were planning an "independent" adoption- one arranged by birthparent(s) and adoptive parent(s), not by an adoption agency.  If so, I don't think there is a way to get money back.

Birthparents cannot sign a consent to adoption until after a child is born for good reasons, and the birthmother often does not realize the full impact of giving up her child until she gives birth.  That is the point at which the child, and the biological bond they share, become more deeply real to her and the adoption decision has to be reconsidered.  She might well be having feelings she never anticipated, and is struggling to figure out what is the best thing to do for the child and for herself.  Can you have some understanding and compassion for her in this situation?   I hope so, because then you will have taken a major step in your ability to be a good adoptive parent because you have empathy for the courage and loss and emotional struggles of a birthparent making a decision for adoption.

I'm sorry your own hopes were shattered, and you have had financial loss.

Have you considered other options?  Apply at an agency, wait, consider the kinds of children waiting for homes, see if that lower risk adoption (through an agency) works better for you.  Have you considered foster care?  You can love and care for a child, contribute to the child's welfare, and some foster parents go on to adopt.  Are there children already in your world-- distant relatives, for example, who could benefit from your help and interest in their welfare?

Adoption is only one way to enjoy the satisfaction of helping a child grow up--- there are others.   I hope your dreams for your own happiness in life come true.

Answer 2

Go to www.rubber-ducky.org or www.resolve.org or www.ivf-connections.com

This website will connect you with adoptive mothers in the process of adopting and having adopted. There are wonderfull and kind women in similar situation who can give you answers without hurting you and making you feel like an evil person..

y/a will have all kinds of users.(Some harsh like that user Sunny & independant , and users that give them thumbs up possibly due to their unhappy experience with adoption) They will misunderstand you and give you very nasty answers . I never post questions here as it invites a lot of hate.

Answer 3

In reality, they can't, but going into adoption it is a risk that is taken because ANY birthmom or family can change their mind and legally without any pay back of anything.  Most states give the biological parents up to 72 hours AFTER a child is born (if its an infant adoption ) to change their mind. It's their legal right to say they want to parent their own child. With older children there is a wait period as well and the biological parents can come back and say they want to parent.

The only way that the law says NO is if after their wait period is over they have signed before a legal court that they are terminating their parental rights and agree to the adoption. At that point it's too late.

NOW, if the adoptive parents are working with an agency and the adoption is disrupted or falls through because the birth parents decide to change their mind and parent, usually agencies will place the adoptive parents back into the potential parents waiting for a match and will help find them another match as soon as possible. It's best to ask the agency you work with about such a situation and what their policy is. Some just roll part of your fees into the next adoption and others do things differently. Ask BEFORE you sign anything with an agency.

Answer 4

Is this in the USA? If so, the money that you gave her was given with no strings attached, its not like an agreement/contract where you give her the money and she gives you the baby- that is completely illegal (it would be 'buying' a baby which is against the law). So there is no way to get any money back from her, basically its like a gift.

The only possible way to get money back would be if you could prove that she committed serious fraud and was never even considering placing the baby with you. Doesn't sound like that happened though? She does have every right to change her mind, a lot of women really think they are going to place their babies but once they are born and actually 'real' they just can not do it.

If you went through an agency you may be able to get some of the fees back or at least put the money towards another adoption process? Speak to them about how that works I guess, different agencies have different policies. Also there is an adoption tax credit that you can also claim if you have a 'failed' adoption that may help some financially?

Answer 5

A woman cannot make a legal commitment to an adoption plan until her child is born. Financial assistance that expectant mothers receive from potential adopters is not refundable if she changes her mind because she cannot make a legal commitment to the adoption at the time.

When you arrange in independent adoption you're most at risk because you simply lose this money. However some agencies that handle domestic infant adoptions will collect fees that can be attributed toward another match if your initial one falls through.

Parents should be very careful to avoid adoption fraud. Sometimes women change their mind but there are also predators who will attempt to defraud couples who are drawn into a private adoption scenario with a criminal. In that sort of instance the woman and any associates can be prosecuted but that does not mean that victims will recover their funds.

Answer 6

If it's before the mother has given the baby up, she can absolutely change her mind at any time.  A baby is not a business deal, if a mother gives birth to her baby and wants to keep it, that's her decision.

If the prospective adoptive parents went through an agency they may be able to recoup some of the expenses.

Answer 7

The money the adoptive parents spend on fees/medical bills/etc is a gift.  They can't take it back just because the biomom decides to raise the child.  The biomom can decide to keep the child up until a certain point (I think in most places it is 30 days after the birth they have to decide they want to raise the child), and if she wants to, there is nothing the adopted parents can do.  

Answer 8

It's called RISK.

Risk is inherent in any gamble--you play, you can lose.

Why not reflect on YOUR decision to ask a desperate woman to GAMBLE her future feelings about raising her OWN child...

Maybe you should concentrate on sure things, like Golden retrievers--they're cheaper, too.

Answer 9

Yes, she absolutely can keep her baby. No matter how much money was paid, it's legally her child until she signs the termination of parental rights. That decision cannot be officially made before the child's birth. If she wants to keep her baby, she can.

I suggest your friends go through a reputable adoption agency (or the state foster care system) next time instead of paying money directly to the expectant mother. Then if the mother decides to parent, the couple won't take a loss-- nor will the mother feel pressured to place a baby she wants to keep because of the money she's received. An arrangement where the expectant mother is not directly given money by the potential adoptive parents or agency (a reputable agency will help her find services like assistance and support from the state, so she isn't being pressured by them either) is really best for all involved.

The mother has every right to parent her baby, and there is no way to get the money back. It can only be considered a gift, not money for services rendered, because it's illegal to sell infants. I think the prospective adoptive parents need to do more research before they continue the adoption process.

Answer 10

you cant get your money back..any time adoptive parents give any money to  a mother decides to give up her baby but changes her mind once the baby is born..you are not entitled to your money back.

Answer 11

This is EXACTLY why pre-birth matching should NOT take place.

It's coercive - and/or people can get ripped off.

No money should be paid to an expectant mother.

A mother should be allowed to work out if she wishes to parent or not - without any outside influence from adoption agencies or prospective adoptive parents.

A mother has every right in the world to parent her own child - if she wishes.

If you chose to pay a heap of things pre-baby...........your loss.

You shouldn't have.

I do hope you don't get angry at her for wanting to parent.

It's what is best for mother and child.

Let this be a warning to others desperate to adopt - do not pay for anything prior to a mother relinquishing.

Answer 12

You can't.  The money was a gift to her and her new baby.  I can imagine that you are devastated.  I have read blogs by other families in similar circumstances who were able to heal their pain when they embraced the joy of the new mother and her baby and gave themselves kudos for helping to provide good natal care to a deserving child.

Unfortunately, our government in the US does not support adequate medical care for all of our citizens and people have to resort to desperate circumstances to provide medical care to their families.  I am not saying that this woman scammed you intentionally (most do not).  They are usually desperate women who have no where else to turn and then when they see and hold their precious babies, they realize the true horror of adoption

Answer 13

Wow.  Some of the answers on here are so cold.  I'm guessing every person who answered so rudely is fertile.  While there is no legal recourse in recouping the money, it doesn't make what the birth mom did right.  She made a promise and she went back on her word.  The ONLY reason the potentially adoptive parents paid her bills was because they wanted their future child to be healthy.  It's not "baby buying," it is paying for the medical care of what they think of as their future child.  People wonder why foreign adoption is becoming so popular, and I have often hear Americans say, "Why adopt a foreign baby when there are so many children here who need help?"  This is why.  There are too many opportunities to get hurt when adopting in the US (even with kids in foster care), and the parents of foreign adoptees have already terminated birth rights, so that part of the process is less scary and complicated.

But really, I am ashamed at the absolute lack of sympathy some other posters have had.  If for one minute they knew the emptiness of being childless, and the desperation that comes with wanting a family, maybe they would be less judgmental.

Answer 14

Under the law, children cannot be relinquished to be eligible for adoption until after the birth.  Therefore, the child is hers unless she signs relinquishment documents giving up her parental rights and responsibilities.  If she has not signed relinquishment documents, then the child is still legally her child.  She is under no obligation to relinquishment.

Potential adoptive parents are normally told by agencies that the possibility of the mother not relinquishing exists.  They still have the option of continuing to work with the agency to adopt another child.  Potential adoptive parents are also under no legal obligation to pay for the mother's medical bills and incidentals related to the pregnancy.  Many choose to do so, however, and do so at their own risk.  The mother is not required to pay back this money if she chooses to parent her child.  The money is considered a gift.  If is were not a gift, it would amount to baby-selling, which is illegal.

Answer 15

If you want to look at it like buying a baby then you can read about it in financial text books. Risks vs. Return. Game theory.  Sounds like they are SOL and righteously so.

Answer 16

The best way to handle this situation and prevent it from happening is to NOT put yourself into this situation to begin with.

Providing financial payment to the mother, including paying her medical bills, in the expectation of a baby in return, ethically can be considered "buying a baby."  There is an exchange of goods, and humans are not supposed to be treated as commodities as this constitutes human trafficking.

The way to ensure that no monies are lost plus to ensure that a mother is not coerced into surrendering by the payment of these monies (preventing her from making a freely-made decision after the birth of her child) is to refrain from paying her ANY money before the surrender papers are signed and all applicable revokation periods ended.  This includes adoption agency payments to her as well.

Social services and healthcare assistance should be sufficient to provide her and her baby with medical care and other necessities.  The adoptive family should not be "on the hook" for these expenses, either prior to the birth or prior to the adoption.  The use of these payments is coercive to the mother and risky for the prospective adopters.  

Answer 17

I'm not sure of any websites, but I think that after the birth parents give up rights to their baby, they can't get it back.