Informing my daughter's father...?

Question

Quick question:

I seem to be held "accountable" by my daughter's father and his family if something happens at my daughter's school that he doesn't know about. Such as if she's in a christmas pageant and things like that. Tell me, is that my responsibility?? Should I have to call him and his wife and tell them when things are going on or should it be his responsibility to keep on his daughter and her events and such...

I know it would be easy to say, why not, it's the 'nice' thing to do...but they really want as little contact with me as possible otherwise. So why would I contact them to let them know of her events? Should I? Shouldn't I? Be held responsible for filling them in?

Answer 1

Is your daughter old enough to pass on the communication herself?  Can she remember to tell him that the play is on Dec. 10 (for example)?  If not, then how is he going to find out, other than by you?  Calling the school every day or week is going to be annoying for the staff especially when the information has already gone out.  Find out if her school has the information on a website, he could check there.  If not, ask her teacher to send home 2 copies of the newsletter.  If he is allowed to get her school information, he could make these arrangements himself.

As much as they don't want to hear from you, the two of you have a child together and you do need to communicate about that.  If you are the only one with the information then yes you should fill them in.

Answer 2

well if your child goes to his house he should get a copy of the same papers you get to know what is going on and if he doesnt you might want to let him know for the kids sake....the kid may really want the dad there ya know??? SO I say yes and no....try to get 2 copies of the papers and if he doesnt come it is all on him!!!!

Answer 3

No, it's not your responsibility! But you know what--when its all said and done--PICK YOUR BATTLES, LADY!! YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT HE AND HIS FAMILY WANT TO ATTEND ALL HER SCHOOL FUNCTIONS!! PRAY THIS CONTINUES ALL THROUGH HER COLLEGE YEARS!! After all, she should be the most important thing in the world to all of you!! If he and his family were having NOTHING to do with her, then you would have something to be UPSET about!!

The best gift a divorced set of parents can ever give their children is to continue to RESPECT EACH OTHER enough to raise those precious children TOGETHER, JUST AS GOD INTENDED FOR THEM TO DO WHEN HE LOANED THEM TO THE TWO OF THEM!!!

Answer 4

I wouldn't bother.  Presumably he has contact with your daughter - so there's nothing stopping him from making sure he keeps up to date with what's going on in her life and also keeping his family up to date.  I would say that the onus is on him to do that, not you.

Answer 5

In all honesty, no it is not your responsibility. However, for a moment step outside of the issue at hand. Do you think your daughter enjoys being the subject of this fighting?

The easiest solution to this is to kill em with kindness baby. Let them know any and every little detail. This way your conscious is clean, your daughter won't be in the middle, and the father and his family will shut their traps!  

Answer 6

I'd say it's their responsibility to keep in contact with her, but it would be nice if you informed them of such things, but I don't feel it should be your responsibility.  

Answer 7

Make things easier on your daughter and inform them.

Answer 8

if he cares he will find out on his own and you do not have to let him know he can do like you do and if he wants he could have them mail him things but hes not wanting that right? its too bad but you do not have to tell them **** and i wouldn't do it.  YOu don't have to deal with them either. you call his lawyer and tell him that if he wants to find out about his daughter then he needs to call the school and find out like you do. do you have custody and his visitation? well let it be that way and to heck with him. he can move and do a little bit also or she can but i doubt either of them want to.  I know you can do this wit h he child but when they are there which is only to up set you but just wait when she gets older and they take her out of class for an hour and bug her then you can really hit the ceiling as i did. my X didn't care for the kids just bothering of me and now they are old and he could care less unless hes chewing someone else out and they ignore him most of the time.

Answer 9

I assume your school sends home some sort of a calender of events for the school year or that she brings home notices of special events.  I would make a copy of that, highlight the stuff that your daughter is going to be involved in and send it with her to her dads.  It will then be up to him to make it to his daughters special events.  

As far as you calling or writing a special note every time she has an event, I would not do it.  You say that they want as little contact with you as possible, yet hold you responsible when you don't tell them when the special events are?  Wow, what a contrary bunch.  Your daughter is there, I assume she can speak and I assume they do talk to her when she is visiting.....all they have to do is ask her.  (Sarcasm intended).  THEY need to take more responsibility, not you.  

-Edit- After reading your additional comments, I absolutely would NOT do anymore than you are doing.  He is obviously too lazy to look in his DAD folder.  If it were me, I would send his e-mails to my SPAM folder.  

Answer 10

It isn't your responsibility, if your daughter wants to tell them she can and he can even have it setup at the school for them to send him copies of event invites and grade cards and stuff like that (I know that is what my dad did with me).