Infundibulum? Your thoughts and comments are appreciated...?

Question

A sad thought filled my heart tonight

Beneath the stars magnificent

That He who turn'd the compass might

Decide my time has near been spent,

That I should spread my wings in flight

And fly home for a part rehearsed

With shining host of heaven sent

And come to be in One immersed.

It's said that all things in His sight

That writhe in earthly chains are pent

Through brotherhood in anguished plight

And now I know what they have meant.

The Valley Spirit gives delight

To creatures broken, bowed or cursed

As woodbine twines on trellis bent

And comes to be in One immersed.

Before I flee this old world's light

And of my mortal sins repent

To be judged by Anubis might

My soul kneel 'neath the firmament

That this unarmored, questing knight

Might grasp the Grail and slake his thirst,

Lay down the sword, set free the kite

And come to be in One immersed.

I know not where my sadness went

In umber reckoning finely versed

By evensong's magnolia scent

I've come to be in One, immersed.

Answer 1

Your poems deserve to be published. Oh my, they are so inspiring. Thank you for sharing with us the offspring of your priceless talent.

With best regards,

Lulleh

Answer 2

wow that was really good!

its about death right? or dying

i like it tho some of the words i dont understand

really deep.

check out mine? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

keep writing youv rele got a talent

Answer 3

Great poem dude well sorta eh not really.  It compares to some of the stuff people write on the walls of public restrooms with call 1800 steve for a good time beside it.

Answer 4

Form is perfect; you know that.  The thought is transmitted whole; you know that.  Phrasing is clever, the lexicon rich, the figures brilliant; you know that.

If you MUST have a quibble, I can supply that I don't much like the slight spiritual ambiguity that  comes of mixing Christian, Egyptian, animist, [and some Eastern belief system's?] names and symbols.  I also find the implicit claim of nobility (knight, sword, kite, [implied Quest--not a commoner's prerogative]) mildly off-putting.  But, as quibbles go, these are pretty damned feeble.

I had the impression that this was something from a 19th century poet--so I googled a few of the phrases, just for the heck of it.  Bupkes, ergo, this is your work.  If you meant to mock a style, you nailed it.

Answer 5

The experiences of the true mystic, wherever they may be, are the same.  But I haven't seen it expressed this eloquently.  Thank you.

Answer 6

Beautifully done i am hoping one day I may write like this, my compliments to you!!  Cheers!

I am no where near where you are in poetry but if you see a post that I occasionally post would appreciate your helpful feed back on it!  This was a very classy piece of poetry!

Answer 7

Keep posting; I need a larger selection.

Answer 8

that's really good.  kinda big words for me but it really works.  almost like a song or something special like that..  like something you'd hear more than once.. not just read once.. it has that kind of thing to it.. quality maby of something that can be played and played like a song