Insecure because I am jealous of his kids. Boy 6 and especially daughter-4.?

Question

I'm 32 have been dating a 33 yr man for about a yr. Early in our relationship I grew a leary feeling regarding his kids. For instance when we would be talking on the phone his daughter would constantly cry. due to her blocks fell, the brother teasing, she wanted pudding I mean a crying whining (annoying even if she is 3). So I mentioned she needs your attention, both of his kids do. (His break up was about 3 months earlier to our talking/dating.) I have had this talk with him several times casually mentioning that he cannot be in a full time relationship because his kids require so much of his time which leaves me feeling left out. I have tried to do dinner dates with him and THE KIDS. go to the park WITH THE KIDS. and I feel horrible that I feel I cannot stand them. I have a 16yr and a 12 yr so vast age difference. Mind you also I forgot to mention that the mother/his ex is not so stable. If she calls he jumps..for the kids right.. My rant how can I overcome this jealousy-insecurities ? On his days off tues.,fri.,sat. are with his kids so I get to see him after work.(for like 3 hrs.. ugh I don't like to complain but can someone breathe some air into this and tell me I need to move on or how this can be fixed? Our love life is great, we have great chemistry but when he has his kids I feel neglected and I feel horrible feeling this way. He is procrastinator so any changes "he says he will do" don't happen. not good. Any advice after my novel of complaints. Any would help me, positive or negative....

Answer 1

His kids are his number one priority in life. Saying he can't have a full time relationship is wrong, lots of people with kids have relationships.  You will either have to get over these feelings or move on.  I'm doubtful anything will change on his end.

Answer 2

You either need to be ready to step in and be a family or move on.  I'm sorry.  I'm a step mother to 3 kids and 10 years ago was in a similar situation, I decided to step in and be their mother.  We've been together 10 years now and yes, I KNOW how hard it is dealing with someone else's kids and an unstable ex.  You just have to decide which way you want it.  He won't pick you over his kids so you'll just have to step in or step out.  Good luck

Answer 3

I hate to say this but the kids are part of the package and the ex-wife is the baggage that he will have till both are 18 or beyond. It takes stamina to last a year in a relationship with all this going on. so you got a year invested with him and the kids what are you going to do? Stay or Go those are your options.

Personally he should have never introduced you to the kids until he was sure you were going to be a part of their lives forever. Since he didn't now if you break up it isn't just him who loses out it's the kids who have already in their young lives gone through a lot with mom and dad breaking up

Treat gently and careful; here it isn't just you in this relationship  

Answer 4

this relationship has no chance for a happy ending. it's rime to cut ties and know that you are the type of person who dont perfer kids. next time find a guy that has the same therory.

Answer 5

Then you do not need to have a relationship with him or expect more from it. You knew he had children before you dated. You also knew he had an ex-wife prior.

Everything you portrayed here about him, about your relationship with him and the children and how you feel about them is negative.

Move on with your life dear. You are not letting yourself see anything good in it.

Answer 6

Well on one hand, be happy that he is a good man who takes care of his kids.  He could be a deadbeat.  However, I understand because your kids are much older and do not require as much attention.  Talk to him and explain that you want some one on one time with him.  Maybe you two can take some time off of work to just spend time with each other, without the kids.  I don't think the problem is that you can't stand them.  I just think you feel aggravated and annoyed at the fact that you can't get his attention whenever they are around.  If they are going to the park, let them go.  Don't let on that you are annoyed by the kids.  You have to find a way to spend some time with him without them around.