Insomniac-Thoughts on piece?

Question

Insomniac

Insomnia feeling

Slumber is screeching

Anemic waves beating

Words stop the progress

Left in suspension

The body sprawls restless

Thoughts beg for retention

The drawbridge is broken

Epileptic fingers

Feed into the frenzy

Hypnotized into wakening

The zombie interlude

Pained colored orbs

Darting under flax sheets

Arousing the senses

Before they can slip-

Melt into the stillness

Relenting to brainwash

The ending the same

The tranquil omitted

Answer 1

As you scratch the surface the thoughts are exposed...Nice..

Answer 2

Abstract and nice! i like its interesting just a bit heavy...

Answer 3

There was so much in this poem I could relate too LOL  The body sprawls restless, I am a thrasher at night!  

Pained colored orbs

Darting under flax sheets

Arousing the senses

Yuppers see this kind of stuff too!

I loved it , does describe me to a T on a restless night !!  Cheers!!  Nicely written by the way!!

Answer 4

to much doom for me, but it is good. you could lighten up a little,all i see (when reading this) is dark , is that whet it should do? impression of on coming doom.

Answer 5

Yup that`s an insominac for ya! I should know! Thanks for the comment on my poem. You`re great!

Answer 6

A night like this calls for Ambien!  Excellent description of no sleep.

Answer 7

um i think you play too many video games or something.  i find if all you read about is goblins and stuff those will be your background you draw on in order to depict something in a poem

Answer 8

You really describe a livid picture of the tortures of insomnia.  It is dark and full of restlessness.  I had insomnia for a while and your poem, I can relate to.  I like your style.

By the way, the reason I explained my poem is the fact I get tired of e-mails coming in that want an explanation and the remarks from close minded individuals that have no conception of how far the mind can go.  But I thank you for your critique.