Inspired by good old Philadelphia...how can I make this poem better?

Question

This didn't show up on the board last time I posted, so I am trying again. Please forgive me if it shows up twice!

Urban Explorer

There is another world around us

secrets hidden in every brick wall

within every forsaken alley,

a truth begging to be discovered.

A force stronger than my own being,

draws me in to uncover the secrets

the city has held for too long.

Battered old architecture, mistreated

due to face eternal destruction, soon forgotten.

Crumbled memories atop urban land,

will the spirits live when all is taken away?

How many dreams were dreamt beside

this window, now glassless and cold?

Stories swirl and dance atop perishing floors

never to be told, but forever living

and breathing inside my imagination.

I live to wonder, discover, and find,

as they stand waiting to be found.

Answer 1

The only way to make this better is to leave it alone.  Great work.

Answer 2

"Hi!",

I loved this poem. I am into old buildings and civilizations that existed before us today.(History).  My favorite is Egypt,Atlantis, Aztecs and Mayans.

cheers.  : )

Answer 3

There is another world around us

secrets hidden in every brick wall

within every forsaken alley,

a truth begging to be discovered.

A force stronger than my own (REMOVE – being),

draws me in to uncover the secrets

((ADD ONE MORE LINE HERE))

the city has held for too long.

Battered (REMOVE - old) architecture, mistreated

due to face eternal destruction, soon forgotten.

Crumbled memories atop urban land,

will the spirits live when NOTHING STANDS?

How many dreams were dreamt beside

this window, now glassless and cold?

Stories swirl and dance atop perishing floors

never to be told, but forever living

and breathing inside my MIND, TO LIVE FOREVE

AMONG THE FORGOTTEN AND OLD

I live to wonder, discover, and find

as they (REMOVE – stand) lay waiting to be found.

Answer 4

Great images, but I had trouble with meter as I read.

Answer 5

i don't think you can for me it epitomizes all the thoughts i have when i look at historical or derelict buildings etc.i think your poem is very good !

Answer 6

The oldest buildings in and around KC were built after the Civil War. I can smell the Cheese-Steak...YUM!

Answer 7

I like it.  The only thing I would change is "due to face eternal destruction."   Maybe, "facing eternal destruction" or "eternal destruction their fate, soon forgotten."  

Or, now that I think of it, maybe "oblivion" would be better than "destruction," since you're talking about it being forgotten, not destroyed.

Answer 8

I don't understand why everyone thinks they are a poet when they continually ignore form, meter, and rhyme. And even judging in terms of free verse, I don't see any musical rhythm.