Instilling fear in your kids?

Question

My parents used to say things like ' You're a loser, you can't do anything in this world, and nothing good is gonna happen to you ...you deserve the worst in life'

every time I was rude or talk back to them - they would tell me that I would amount to zero in this world and the reason why I'm not a millionaire is becuz I talk back to them.

Is this true ? Why do adults instill fear in children if they disobey ?

Answer 1

I don't think that is fear as much as it is just plain ignornant meaness..  

We want our children to understand and respect consequences of bad behaviors.  We should not want to demean our children.  My guess is your parents are doing to you what was done to them.  They probably do not even realize they are doing it.  

Perhaps when things are calm and good you can ask them if they know how much it hurts you to be talked to like that and how much it makes you feel like a failure.  

Maybe you can ask that the whole family work on communications.

Answer 2

i dont know my parents do it 2 me now

i HATE my mum

shes always shouting at me maing me do lots of housework

my dads ok

Answer 3

Maybe we should get Raz from Psychonauts with his Psycho Portal, and see what the heck is wrong with your parents... Nah, just kidding, maybe your parents weren't cut out to be parents, or your parents are psychos...

Answer 4

wow my parents never said anything like that to me and someone did they would of knocked that person out.

Answer 5

I agree with "Ang," instilling fear is one thing, but bringing down one's self esteem is another. I mean, I'm no parent, but I still know that that isn't unaccpectable and just cruel and mean. Don't let them bring you down, just try to stay strong and keep your chin up!! =)

~Kate ♥

Answer 6

Uh no that isn't true...

they probably just said that stuff cause they were mad at you.

Answer 7

no i dnt think its true ! my parents never said that 2 me but sill. they dnt kno wuts gonna happen in the future . so no dnt listen !

hope i helped =]

Answer 8

This isn't instilling fear in your kids. This is emotional abuse. It is not ever ok for a parent to tell their child that they are nothing and that they will amount to zero. It's really disappointing to hear that they treat you like this.

Answer 9

that's not instilling fear.  it's breaking down a kid's emotional state.  

it's not true - you are not a loser.  your parents might have meant well, but it's damaging to you.

try your best to ignore it.  i know it's hard, and it makes you want to talk back even more.  is there anyone you can talk to let off some steam?

Answer 10

i have no idea why they do it. all i know is that i think its COMPLETLY wrong to do that. my mom did that and i havent spoken to her in years. i think some parents do it out of anger and some do it beucase they think it will make u strive in life. well with my daughter i wuldnt dare say that to her 1 beucase it would break my heart 2 beucase i love her and i wuldnt want to hurt her. some parents just come at their kids the wrong way. and they end up not wanting to do anything with their parents anymore witch i dont blame them

Answer 11

My mum has 2 sisters and a brother. My grandad also did that too my mum, and only my mum. Told her she will be the no hoper etc etc etc. He certianally changed his mind now. One of my aunts has had a stroke as she was obese and stressed as all her money went to gambling, not bills as was 10grand in dept. My uncles is a no hoper, no job, never had a steady one, still renting and is 40+ years old. My other aunt has a stable job, but her husbands cheats on her, and her boys are into drugs and out of control, they had to remorgage their home etc, then there is my mum.... She owns 2 houses, been with my dad since she was 17, Has 3 kids, My sister (12) My brother (17) And myself (28) plus my 2 kids. We all are wuite responsible, respect other people. She works and dad owns his own business, and are pretty well off.

This was not a fear, this was mum being responsible, and meeting a responsible man (though don't think dad would be the way he was if he wasnt with my mum ;)

Answer 12

Wow my parents never did that to me. Your parents sound a little Psyycoooo. They think you will get all upset and change your ways I guess. Stay strong. Don't let them win.

Answer 13

Instilling fear is one thing, but to say things that can affect their self esteem is another, and its completely wrong!!  I am firm with my step kids, but I would NEVER belittle them or say they will amount to nothing.  If they disobey, I punish them (no TV, no goin gout with freinds, etc), but would NEVER EVER say things like that. I am disgusted right now and appalled that parents can treat their children like that.  Some parents believe that being hard on their kids will make them stronger, but I believe that it does the opposite and also ruins their relationship with their children.

Answer 14

Wow, I cant believe your parents talk to you like that. I would never say thoe things to my children. Its the parents responsibility to teach and love their children, not verbally abuse them. Please dont listen to what they have told you. You can do anything you want in life as long as you work hard and put your mind to it! To answer your question, I have no clue why parent would want to instill fear in their children, its wrong. Good Luck To you, I Believe in you!