Interacial parenting?

Question

please tell me ur opitions im a white british lady who as recently married a british blackman.my youngest daughter who is 13 yrs old lives with me from previous relationship and my husbands 11 year old daughter who is a black british female she as lived with us now for 2 years,but over the past 6 months she as played up like h**l,theiving,constantly lieing,cheeky.she doesnt have no contact with her natural mum as she told a lie that her mums boyfreind had put his hand down her underwear after police investagations it was a lie so she could come live with me and her dad,after all this her mum will not have any contact with us at all,shes moved address and changed her mobile numbers,shes even blocked our email addresses.she oftern tells us she misses her mum but there is little we can do. we took her to a party and she was caught on canera stealing the money out of the engagement cards it was so embarrasing.we let her go play and tell her to be in a certain time and always she comes home late,evertime we catch her out she always as a answer even if she as to lie.meal times and bedtimes i get pushed up face from her until her dad tells her she should respect me.i have tried everything do you think its due to the fact im a white woman and she dont like the thought of a white person bringing her up.im really struggerling i recently found notes that she had wriiten saying i think she my daughter and i am trying to rule her lyfe,and rude notes to boys in her class .we have had social services visiting us as she told her teacher we beat her and starved her social services couldnt believe it after looking around the house and in the food cupboards and we had a chat they advised me to tell her shes going no where she carnt keep lying just to move on.i love her lots as if she was my own daughter.i dont know what to do next anyone advise me plz?????

Answer 1

stop being so nice and understanding...... you are supposed to be a parent not a buddy.

start taking away her things. everything she likes best start with that.  she will get the hint really really quick!!!

you can not back off you must stay on top of it or you will have to start all over again.  

get it together now before things get worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

She is 11 years old and knows all the things she is doing that is wrong.  Now I don't know why she is doing it.  The answer to that question would best be found out through therapy.

What I do know is she needs to be punished.  A good old fashion whipping or spanking and hurt that bottom or don't spank her at all.

Half way spanking a child is worse than not spanking them at all.  If you take something away from her, she knows she will get it back soon.  But a spanking that really hurts will stay in her mind a long time especially if you tell her that is what she can expect every time she does something wrong.

I have found that taking something away from a child for a while does not work.  It is no punishment a at all.  If you are not going to do it all the time, and if you are not going to hurt her bottom good and proper, than don't do it at all.

After the spanking, go to her and tell her you love her and want her to grow up a young lady.  That you do not want to go visit her in jail.

Good luck!

Answer 3

My son had this problem with his step Dad My son did not  steal  lie or put up false charges or anything that severe What he did was take out all the anger resentment pain lonliness abandoment feeling  he had for his real father out on his Step dad  His Biologicial father never did anything for him or never paid child support  His step dad taught him how to ride a bike fish went to school plays Everything a real Dad does But no matter how great his His step Dad was  the anger from the abdonment from his Biologicial would come out  He being a p*****n and teenager 1 did not know why he felt like that  2 was frustrated and hurt and could not express how he was feeling (believe me we tried to get him to talk it out So he would get angry yell  get in fights at school Think about it if you go try to help a wounded animal what is it going to do  lash out  We had to get our son intense couseling  The counselor wanted him to meet with his biologicial father one on one to help him get the anger out My ex would not do it So he tried to heal without  talking to him He is now 28 years old he has done some remarkable things  but the father issue still haunts him  She is acting out because her mother has  in her eyes abandoned her  She will need intense counseling and a tightened set of rules till she proves her self It does not matter what color you are If you show love and kindness and make her responsible and do the  right thing that is what counts Tell her I know you are hurting because of your  Mom but I will be here for you I am not going any where Lets work on this  Lets talk about things out  Explain you have rules and regulations and they are there  to keep her safe Tell rules are there  because parents care  Do not say anything bad about her mom remain neutral Reinforce daily I am here for  Help her heal  This is comeing from  I am white ex husband is  black  new husband black  Children   bi racial  I was raised in a foster home  had 3 different fantastic  foster mothers The last foster Mom from 3rd Grade till I left home at 18 I call her Mom My real mother by her first name When I had issues  about my parents She worked through it talked it out never left me me or backed down Made me follow rules regulation curfews did chores was taught for every action there is a reaction She taught me  the right way to work out my anger fear and pain that my parents  could not take care of me No matter how I was she never backed down or gave up I respected and loved her for that It was not always easy but she was there when my parents were not She is simply takeing out on you all  the pain she feels towards her mom She is acting out to let people know the pain she feels in side

Answer 4

Try get her some professional help and take all the help yourself and your partner can get.Good luck