Interesting Plot? How can I make it better?

Question

Plot: 13 yr old Boy and Girl are refugees in a camp after their country was attacked and taken over by invader Empire. They are waiting to be sent to a safer country when the Empire surprise attacks the refugee camp. They are hiding in a tent when a Empire soldier comes in. He is looking at the girl perversely and he grabs her and drags her away. Boy tries to fight Soldier but the girl tells him to stop because she doesn't want him to get hurt. She gives him her necklace and tells him not to forget her. The Boy still tries to save her and the Soldier knocks him out with a rifle.

7 years pass

The Boy is now 20 and he was saved by another country, Kingdom (good guys). He has been trained in the army and is a top fighter and commander. They have been planning war against Empire since it has been creeping towards there borders. One day he catches a spy in Kingdom and he chases after them. He catches them and is about to kill them but he wants to see there face so he takes off their mask. He realizes it’s Girl.

So basically to wrap this up they are fighters on opposite sides and a war is starting. It’s going to go back and forth between their P.o.V.s . Girl’s plot is that she is a spy for the Empire and she exploits her relationship w/ Boy to get info for her country. She lies and says she escapes to Kingdom but at night she reports to the army leader who she’s engaged too. Boy and Girl eventually fall in love w/ each other which conflicts her mission. She doesn’t want to betray him but she’s already gone to far in with the mission. Boy founds out she’s a spy later on and is now conflicted because he loves her but knows when the war starts that she will be killed because she isn’t a civilian.

So the story revolves around their conflict, the war, and their love.

What do you think? How could I make it better? I’m not writing it now I’m going to save it for later use but I want it to be good when I eventually get to writing it.

Answer 1

What you're lacking right now is thematic elements. What's the point of the story? What's the message? Is it anti war? It is about family? Friendship? You need something deeper, below the surface, something you want to say to the reader, and then say it using the plot and characters.

Also the plot sounds a bit like Star Wars.  

Answer 2

That's really good. I don't know - it's not my story idea to develop. Play with it a little - you'll have lots of time for rewrites, and maybe you'll end up a published author someday! I'd love to read the finished product. That has potential!  

Answer 3

Make "the girl" a deeper part. Have her turn out to be the "good guy" or on the right side. Have her be a stronger character who teaches this boy something. Maybe he thinks the Empire is evil but as it turns out they have really been trying to help the people escape from whatever.

Don't make the girl Eve. The stereotypical guy writer who blames the girl for being weak and tricking the guy into eating the apple.

Overall needs more then this typical basic theme. Toss in something different. A major something.  

Answer 4

They find out toward the end of the book that they are brother and sister- it doesn't resolve the conflict, but spins it in a different, unforeseen direction. They were separated at birth when their mother died at childbirth, or she tried to hide her kids because the war was beginning ?

Answer 5

Wow, I really like it..

I don't know. I think if you think about it, you might come up with more stuff to put in it.

Answer 6

I'd probably read that.I wouldn't want to overcomplicate it, but just an idea, perhaps boy has some kind of connection to the girls fiance? perhaps they are long time enemies, or maybe even they were friends once, but the fiance betrayed him and went to the other side. And now girl is enaged to him! That would spark up some emotions I'm sure.

I just hope you're not actually going to call the countries Empire and Kingdom! I mean making up a country, you have the chance to get creative, so use it lol. Your choice though haha.

Good luck! :)