Interfaith relationship: How to raise the kids?

Question

My boyfriend & I have been happily dating for several years. He's Catholic & I'm a Jehovah's Witness. We found out a few months ago that we are pregnant. We originally agreed that we would expose the child to both faiths with them participating in both faiths 50-50. Now, he's coming back and saying that he doesn't think it's fair to the child to raise them as both. He thinks it would be too confusing. So, he wants the baby and any future kids to be raised primarily as a Catholic. Although I'd prefer that the kids be raised as one faith, I feel that we are in a unique situation. Both parents feel strongly about their faiths and so the fair compromise to all parties involved is to share our faiths with the kids equally. I know that this will be tough. But, I have faith that if we highlight the similarity between our faiths, then the kids will be okay. Besides, they have to decide for themselves eventually anyway. Please let me know what you think. Am I crazy? Can this be done?

Answer 1

If you both strongly believe in your religion then it is going to be impossible to raise your child to have one, they will pick up things from both of you and will eventually notice the differences. Try to convice your boyfriend that your child should learn about both, I'm sure you can figure out some way to do this, if you try to push you child into either belief then they may end up rebeling and not chosing either.

Answer 2

Not going to lecture you one the "wrongness" of premarital s*x.  You're an adult, and I'm neither your mother nor your clergyman.

Anyway, my partner and I have three children and one on the way, and we aren't quite the "same" faith.  We're different branches of Paganism, similar to you two being different branches of Christianity.

That is essentially what it boils down to: you both worship the same God and His Son.  There are a few differences, what with celebrations, but it's the SAME faith, even if it's different denominations.  The problem doesn't come from the two of you, it comes from your churches saying that their way is the "right way" and no other is correct(I know you don't want to hear that, but I'm not wrong).  I was raised in several different denominations, and eac  one thought they had it "right".

Children are resilient.  They learn well and don't become as confused as adults think.  Infact, they learn more quickly than most adults.  Take for instance a child who grows up in a bilingual household.  They learn both languages just fine without confusion, better than an older child or adult leaning a second language.  Many children nowadays grow up in interfaith households (and I mean two completely separate faiths with different deities, not like yours with the same) and they learn both and are allowed to choose when they are older.

And it can be done if you both set down all the rules NOW before baby is born.  Example: will holidays and birthdays be celebrated?  That would be a compromise on you part, so what is he willing to do or give up on his end?  Just things to think about.

Answer 3

I agree with your take - raise your kids teaching them about BOTH religions and let them chose, when they are old enough, which they want to be. I actually think this is a great way - letting kids learn about different religions and letting them choose on their own. That's what we plan to do.

Answer 4

That is a tough situation. You both have to compromise on this. No one else can tell you what you should do.  

Every family is different. My dad is Roman Catholic and my mom is Anglican (they are pretty close, but still different). But my dad, coming from an old-fashion Italian family, basically had to have his kids baptized R. C. and my mom had no choice.

My own family, I'm R.C but my hubby isn't of any religion as his parents basically left it up to him. So he left the religion of our kids up to me, so i chose to baptize my daughter R. C.

So everyone goes upon it differently. You and you bf needs to sit down and have a serious conversation about it. He was okay with it at first, why now the change of heart? You both need to come to a decision that will satisfy you both. Good luck

Answer 5

Contessa,

I'm one of Jehovah's Witnesses.  I think you KNOW what I am going to say to you.

Don't marry this young man.  This is only going to bring you many regrets in the future.  You think you love him, and maybe you do, but when your child is born this child is going to be SO very important to you.  If you genuinely have a deep and loving relationship with Jehovah you know that there can be no 50/50.  You can't teach your children that it is ok to both believe that Jehovah is the only true God, the only one you should pray to and ALSO that it is ok to pray to Mary or Saints.

You cannot teach your child that Jehovah alone is the most high of all the universe, and also teach them that he is 3 people in 1.  You can't teach them that they must grow up and make their own decisions as to whether to serve God as an adult, and also have them be baptized as an infant.

You can't teach them that it is necessary to have NO idols or images in your worship and also accept that these things are ok.

How can any of these things combine and make any sense?  "What sharing does light have with darkness?"

As the child's mother you have rights over your child.  If you marry the father of your child he will have rights over this child too.  I'm talking about legal rights, not moral.  Not only that, but you will be unevenly yoked with a man who is forever going to be a thorn in your side with regard to what you want for your children.

I'm not judging you sweetheart over the pregnancy, you know this was wrong, but I'm not even talking about that.  What's done is done.  Don't compound the problem.  Don't make it worse.

I was disfellowshipped years ago and during that time I married a man who was not a witness and is the father of my daughter.  You don't know how many times I wish I hadn't done that.  How much easier it would be to be married to a brother in the hall.  How much kinder it would be to my children for them to have a father that takes the lead in the family in all the ways that Christian Witness men are taught to do?  I love my children, and while I tried the "fair" thing, my husband wasn't religious and didn't try taking them to church.  He did take them to holiday celebrations and that was hard enough and painful enough to me.  In time the two of them chose MY path and my daughter is now baptized, my son is on his way. But it could have easily have gone the other way too, and you can't imagine the pain involved in having children and worrying that they won't get life in the new system.  My older son who saw all my bad examples during the time I was df'd is so against the truth and is so mixed up.  I look at him and greive over all the things I did wrong, all the bad things I did when I should have been teaching him and focusing on HIS salvation, training and discipline.

I have only myself to blame for the way he turned out.  I have only myself to blame for marrying my husband and dealing with the things I deal with on a regular basis.  He has been out of work for nearly a year now.  He doesn't seem all that concerned about it, says he is "trying" but I know if he were a brother I know he would have the resources of the congregation and Jehovah's help and also the knowledge and wisdom and good habits that would help him get and KEEP a job.

That is only one thing.  Other things I wish he wouldn't do are more difficult to live with, knowing all I know from God's word.  Things like wasting our money on smoking cigarettes which are only ruining his health, are going to cost me a fortune in medical bills one of these days and he doesn't seem to care.  Things like wasting our resources on lottery tickets, like being irresponsible about what is owed to other people, running up debts and not being concerned about paying them.

I'm not saying you will have all of the same problems, but when someone doesn't truly live by Bible principles, you WILL have problems.  When you are both in the congregation you can go to the elders and ask for help and advice and receive it.  The brothers will talk to me about MY problems, but they are reluctant to try and advise my husband since he doesn't value their help or respect that they have any place that makes assisting us their business.

When you have a witness husband you Both are supposed to be applying Bible counsel, you both still have problems, but there is common understanding about how to work them out.

It really really is SO very hard to be a "single parent" even though you are married.  Trying to raise your children all alone is hard (I know I did that too), but trying to raise them when there is also someone who doesn't worship Jehovah in the picture, someone YOU are required to be submissive to, even though he may have totally different ideas about right and wrong?  Honey, you have NO idea how difficult it is.

I truly wish that I had made a different choice.  This isn't to say I don't love my husband, I do.  But you can love many different men, there is only ONE Jehovah to love.  How much easier life would have been if I had totally trusted in him to give me what I needed rather than to disobey him in this way.

He gives us free choice and we can choose what we want, but he gives us these guidelines because he has seen so much and he KNOWS what will make us the most happy.  If you Trust him, you will follow his guidelines because in doing so you WILL be happier.  I genuinely believe that.