Interfering in-laws..... what should i do

Question

ok, so i love my mother and father in-law, i really do, but at times they can be VERY overbearing! my husband is having holidays from work and we were planning on a couple of nights away up at the mountains.... i was going to book something very nice on wotif.com, my husband happened to mention this to his parents, and the next day his dad came over and told us that he had booked and paid for 2 nights... at a completely different location, at a place we would never pick... i know its a nice gesture, it's hard to explain, but they do things like this ALL the time and it gets so annoying, it's like they have to control everything we do. and also my father in law TOLD (didn't ask) us that he would be driving up there on our seccond day so that my husband and i could go out for the day and for dinner and he could look after my son, who is not even 4 months old, which i'm sooo upset about this was suppose to be a little family get away...just the 3 of, and i don't feel comfortable leaving my 3 month old, he goes every where we do! i duno do you think i'm being difficult and ungrateful. should i say something and if so how should i put it?or just grin and bare it???

Answer 1

I understand!  My dd is just about 7 months old and I still don't leave her with anybody ( except her father of course ).  Just tell them you appreciate it greatly but you really are looking forward to planning all of the vacation.

Answer 2

I didn't leave my son with ANYONE until he was 13 months, only for an hour,  and that was pushing it for me! I completely understand what you're going through! I was always bombarded with "when are you gonna let us watch him!" I just told them he's my little baby and no one watches him until I'm comfortable with it.  Don't do it if your not comfortable because you will not enjoy yourself! And all you have to do is tell them! It's YOUR child after all!

When my husband and I make plans I always make sure we're on the same page. If it's a family outing or trip for just us we make sure everyone knows that. We don't even give them details anymore. We want to go to The San Diego Zoo this weekend for my birthday and instead of telling them we're going to the zoo, we said we're thinking about going to San Diego. They don't need to know our business!

I think it's very rude of them to make your plans for you! Your husband needs to be the one to stand up to him and tell him, I appreciate the gesture but we planned on this being a getaway for just us.  And we're not comfortable leaving the baby with anyone yet. Simple as that!

Do not grin and bear it! If you let things like this slide in the beginning it will only get worse! Trust me!

Good Luck & God Bless!!

Answer 3

First, your husband should definitely be involved with this, too.

I'd thank them and tell them that it's a great idea and a very generous offer, but that since you both had your hearts set on (fill in the location you were considering), you'll take a rain check.  Also, you should slip in, you're not ready to leave your baby for that long yet, but you appreciate that they're so willing to help out and will be sure that they get in their fill of babysitting!

If you're nursing, then dragging a pump along so that you can "go out for the day" is such a pain.  I'd always rather have had my son along than deal with pumping. Tell them that. (When my in-laws offered to do something sort of similar, as soon as I started talking about the pump and the logistics, they just gave up.)

This way (hopefully) you'll sound grateful and be able to put a positive spin on it.

Answer 4

This is hard because they are trying to be nice but your husband needs to talk to then and see if they can get a refund for the place the booked because you already had plans. As for him just coming up to look after your little on tell your husband to talk to them its his parents and he'll be able to do it with out coming off as ungrateful. Which I know your not he just needs to tell them thanks but he wants the to ASK not tell you what your gonna do.

Answer 5

All I know is that you need to put your foot down down because it will never stop and they will become more intrusive believe I know what I'm talking about here It happened to me.This is your family and regardless everyone will have to learn to respect boundaries

Answer 6

hmmm that's a toughy! If you had your heart set on a family getaway, then you need to let them know about that. You shouldn't be the one put in this situation of having to talk to them about it, get the husband to do it to keep you in the good books.

Let them know you appreciate the hotel and the offer to babysit but you will be staying at the place you choose and you would like to be alone for this weekend.

Answer 7

You kinda have to put up with it, because this is just how family is. Im sure this time it will be ok, next time I suggest talking to your husband and letting him now you want to do something secretly just yourselves. you have a long life it is not like this will be your only get away. Also, enjoy your family while they are here cause they wont last forever.

Answer 8

of heavens this is m y youger sister in law , i would takl to them or you are gonna blow up good luck

Answer 9

my in laws were like that because before we got married they were pretty controlling over my husband and he always just said yes to them - they did not know any boundaries.  well i couldn't stand it so i made my husband start saying no thanks to them.

i would have your husband tell them thanks for the offer but it is really a family trip for you guys to be alone with the baby.  he has to stand up to them sometimes or they will do this forever.

Answer 10

I definitely understand where you are coming from. I think it would probably be a bit rude not to use the 2 nights that have been paid for.. just think of it as a bonus holiday & you can go up to the mountains next time. But I would probably say "thanks for the offer of looking after bubs but we really want some time to ourselves" Or get ur husband to say it.

Answer 11

I understand your frustration but it sounds like they were really truly trying to be nice.  I'm not saying it is right but as parents we always want to do special things for our kids.  Then throw in the grand kids, now here is where the real spoiling comes in.  Honestly it is done out of love, not trying to control or spoil.  I know mine comes from the heart.  

If you really don't want to go there tell him you already had the reservations made and can't change them without getting charged.  I sure they think they are doing you a favor by watching your child as well as giving them some bonding time.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  Maybe just dinner would make you more comfortable.

Please don't take something that is done out of love and kindness and turn it into it being a controlling in-law situation.  Next time don't tell them.  Or when you turn this one down or if you do accept it tell them kindly thank you so much you really appreciate  it but please next time ask us first.  

I'd spend every last penny on my son and his wife  and my grandkids if my husband let me.  Well almost every penny.  It gives me joy to give them gifts.

Answer 12

my in-laws are the same way!! my husband is in the air force so when i was planing owr wedding his mom wouldnt let me doint by myself. idk if she thought that sence i was so young(18) i didnt know what i wanted. BUT I DID. and in the start she just "helpd" alot but then when i went to get a dress she kept telling me no on the one i liked because she didnt think it would go with her dress!! and by the end everything i wanted go thrown out the window. i didnt have my wedding at all how i wanted it!! errr. and now we just had owr firs son (4 weeks old) and we live 9 hours away from them. yeah thought that would help. WRONG. they come up every 2 weeks just because they want to and they never tell us when like they call us when they are about 3 hours away and say we are almost there so dont eat dinner we are taking you out. i hate it soooooo much. so get mad dont let then contrul u it sucks i know