International Adoptive Parents, what do you think of this video?

Question

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFPIbtyCMgU&feature=related

It's another one from the movie "Adopted". (From the same film that was linked yesterday in Kelly M's question here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Au9GKJkSXjippS0iUjKkvGzty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080622210638AA8PGxA&show=7#profile-info-f9hQH1hFaa )

FYI: I'm not asking to start anything. I'm not planning to offer any opinions. Just wanted to share and get feedback.

Answer 1

Kap... if you don't like it, then don't read it.

Personally, I like Gaia, and think she will make a great mother. Any way.

As for that video... it made me cry. I was kind of IA'd, from Irland to a family that thought that the Irish were a load of idiots, and they made that plain.

Where a child comes from is not as important as making the child feel loved, wherever they come from.

Heratige is important, and it is a part of a childs life. It's a part of who they are. But you can support that, and love them as your own, because they are your children.

Where someone comes from is so important. Unless you don't know, you can't understand.

Answer 2

Hi Gaia,

Kap:  two words, anger management.

Gaia: three words, ignore the ignorant!

Anyhoo, back to the question at hand.  What do i think of the video??  Awesome!  It should be a must watch for every International adoptive parent.  

I find it amazing that someone could raise a child and not talk about racial issues.  We bring attention to every ones looks in our family in a positive way.  Besides, i have to prepare my children for how "America" will see them.

To be honest, supporting the First Family of International countries and helping them keep their children, is something i still struggle with.  I would LOVE for this to be fact.  I want this to be the ultimate goal.  I just don't know "how" to achieve it.  Throwing money at the problem doesn't work.  I'm hoping to have more answers than questions with our next trip to Africa.  I just don't have the answer here but its never far from my mind.

Back to the children, it think its important for the adoptive families to assimilate to the individual child.  How my child came to me is what we should try as hard as we can to keep in tact.  Waiting on Rosetta Stone-Amharic to learn DD's native language.  Why should she have to learn a new language and we not have to.  As a family, we should now learn how to be fluent in both.  (realistic?  I'll let you know how it goes.  lol)  We should as a family adapt to our child's needs and not the other way around.

Answer 3

It is too bad they are so bitter about their adoption and that their parents didn't teach them about their culture.  My first reaction is if America is so bad go back, but wait you want to finish your education here because you can't get it in Korea.  I'm sorry you grew up in the USA with a family who loved you instead of an orphanage with the caregiver of the day.

I have adopted twice internationally and hope that I am giving my daughters enough info on their birth country and culture that they won't feel the way the adoptees in the film do.  If my girls can't wait to move back to their birth land, I would be upset that they would be so far away but hope that once they see what their life there could/would have been like they will appreciate what they have here.

I plan on taking the girls back "home" 2 or 3 times before they move out on their own, to help them make that connection to their people.

This movie is a typical example of people taking a situation that applies to a few to make it look like it applies to the majority to further their own agenda.

Answer 4

I have been thinking about this question for an hour.  I am not (yet?? maybe never will be) an adoptive parent, but we were planning on adopting internationally.  Our view was that if there is a need a for adoption, than we wanted to fill that need.  Since reevaluating adoption, I don't know what the answer is.

However, I think in the past, it was hard for parents to know what was best for their children, IA was pretty new, 30 years or so ago, so just now (in maybe the past ten years or less) is the research coming out about how important the child's birth culture is.  Back when IA  first started, the APs thought that making the child feel differently (about their race, about being adopted etc) was not the best thing to do.  So they tried to make the child as "white" as possible, only because they wanted the child to feel welcomed and wanted in their new home.  Obviously had they done something differently, the children would feel differently, but...we don't know if the child would still feel like their culture was raped from their lives.  

Adoption is such a hard subject, there is no way to please everyone.  Yes, it should be about finding homes for children, and not children for parents.  It should be about finding the best possible home for a child preferably with people of the child's culture in the child's country of origin, but that is not always possible.  Sometimes there is no need to find adoptive homes outside of the child's country of origin, but sometimes, it is inevitable.  A home outside of the child's culture is still, in my opinion, better than growing up in an orphanage in the child's country of origin.  That is just the way it is.

When/if we adopt (internationally or domestically through foster care) you can be assured that we will do whatever it is we can to incorporate our child's culture into our daily lives, however, never would we want our child to feel different, so finding that balance is something we will have to do.  

I feel sad for the people who were adopted away from their culture of origin.  However, I don't know if there was another way, at least at the time, their parents thought they were doing the right thing.  It is an unfortunate way to learn what works and what doesn't.  

I am not sure I am thinking straight, but I had to write something.   Unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world, and adoption is necessary (in some cases, I don't believe that most children adopted at birth domestically are necessary adoptions, nor do I believe that all IA are necessary) and until it is, there is going to be people hurt.  But there are adoption success stories too.

Answer 5

Gaia: Kap is pretty angry in general....see her previous post!! http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

While I did not adopt internationally, my adoptive child is bi-racial and some of the things she (narrator) said really hit home. Her entire culture was taken from her...her identity. It doesn't say in this clip, but I wonder if her adoptive family gave her any sense of her Korean culture....she alludes that they did not. In that way, I feel badly for those who are adopted internationally.....in that some parents refuse or simply don't know that their child's heritage is hugely important in building self-esteem, pride, and confidence, among other things. Thanks for the link....I will butt out now since this really isn't addressed to me.

<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

Answer 6

Well I can consider myself to be in the same shoes as the woman in the first video.  I can relate to pretty much everything she said except I do not feel anger towards my culture being 'taken' from me.  However,  I do feel some sort of sadness having lost the knowledge of my culture.

I am a very straight-forward, blunt type of person so I have no problem putting ignorant "Westerners" in their place.  I may not have blonde hair or blue eyes but I am who I am & one thing that being adopted has taught me is to be able to adapt in any situation or environment.  I will say that adoptees from foreign countries outside the US should hopefully not forget their roots & understand that it's not their fault if they are looked down upon but to stand up & rise above the ignorance.

As far as international adoptive parents - yes, this is only one of the many things that you should be aware of.  Adoptees all handle their situations differently than each other but just try to be aware & sensitive to what they possibly could go through.