International Aps: Did you travel to your child's country of origin?

Question

What were your impressions and experiences and how did that amend or give perspective to your role as parenting your child?

International PAPs: Do you intend to travel? Why or why not?

Answer 1

Hi Jennifer,

Yes, my son is 7 and he has been back twice and we plan to go back next year.  I plan to go back every 3 years.

As I am from the same country, it has been great for me too to reconnect with my roots and appreciate what our home country has to offer as well.  My family migrated 29 years ago and it took me 19 years to finally visit my country of origin again, but since my first visit, I have been back 5 times (the first trip was a bit of a culture shock and it did not feel like home), but with each trip, I am reconnecting and now I feel like I have a bond with that country again.  I am hoping the same will be for my children.  I go back because I really enjoy the place now as well as the great beaches, great shopping, great food and friendly people and culture.  Of course there is poverty, but after each visit, you see beyond it and appreciate the beauty as well.

It is sobering to see all the poverty and heartbreaking and heartwarming to see the children in the orphanages.  I know there are a lot of IA detractors in here, but when I go back and see the children in the orphanages, I just want to take them all with me.  Of course I can't do that, but I do plan on alway staying in touch and be involved with my childrens orphanages throughout our lives.

I do recommend AP's take their children back regularly, even if it is not in the same area the children are from as long as it is the same country (I know some are limited because of safety concerns in some countries).  Make sure you make it fun for the kids too.

Great question.

Answer 2

Basically what I got out of it was: We have to go back.  

The beautiful countries, the warm wonderful people we met, those are my children's birthright and they need to experience it as much as possible.  

Answer 3

International Aps: Did you travel to your child's country of origin?

--Yes, I did.

What were your impressions and experiences and how did that amend or give perspective to your role as parenting your child?

--I enjoyed it and miss it.  My son is excited that one day he'll get to visit.  It was a brief trip but I got to visit a couple places and am glad I went.  I look forward to the next time we visit.

Answer 4

Yes, we definitely intend to travel, because we feel it is important that we get to experience as much of their country and culture as possible.

In the long term we do also plan to make regular trips back.

Answer 5

Yes, we did. It was a requirement of China's that you travel to the country to receive the children. I think it is VERY important for parents to see first hand the country that their child comes from. Reading about culture and language and food and traditions are one thing, but actually seeing and experiencing everything first hand, well that cannot by substituted.

As for my impressions, I really started to appreciate the things I had always taken for granted: clean air, clean water, abundant food and personal space. There were people literally everywhere and you didn't have the comfort of space like you do at home. I also was blown away by the hospitality of the Chinese people. I had heard the stereotype that Asians were subdued and private, but nothing could be further from the truth. People came right up to us and asked us questions and took our daughter right out of our arms to play with her. They were very warm. They also said things that would make us cringe here, like implying that my daughter had "hit the jackpot" because she was going to Canada. They also told her she was a very lucky girl. When they asked if we "wanted this girl?" we said absolutely, we love her, and they smiled and said this was a very good thing.

Travelling to China gave me perspective regarding who my daughter is, in the sense that she had a whole other life before I got there. One that I could never inheritantly be a part of. She shares a 3,000 year history with all of the people left behind in China. Also, when I saw the abject poverty and the sheer lack of opportunity, it humbled me.

The one-child policy was also very evident. It was a culture shock to see mothers and fathers out and about with their one and only child.

Answer 6

Yes, we traveled. We spent a total of about 6 weeks in Russia across three trips (11 days, 7 days, 23 days, respectively). Each trip was a very interesting and different experience. On our first trip, we were in a rather remote part of Russia, far from Moscow. It was very interesting to see that part of the country and meet the people there. (Even the Russians will tell you "There's Moscow, and there's Russia.") It was very eye-opening and humbling, too.

On our other two trips we were in Moscow. One was a shorter trip, with lots of time for sight-seeing so we got to see some of the main sights and museums. On the longest trip, we were living in Russia waiting on paperwork. We were somewhat off-the-beaten path in "non-western" accommodations, spent time walking our new child through the park, got to witness a Russian wedding, etc. It was another interesting way to experience the culture (and nothing like a little "immersion" to help with my language-acquisition skills! Yikes!)

I do think it helped me with a different perspective. Especially on the longest trip, I think we were out of "tourist mode" and got to see and experience some interesting things that many people would not.

Answer 7

Yep, we traveled and in fact we lived there for 3 years due to my job.  The country left a lot to be desired but at the same time it was fascinating and have many beautiful aspects.  It provided us with a balanced view of the country that we can now pass on to our daughter if and when she is ever interested.  

Answer 8

Yes twice.  It was an true eye opener.  Before we traveled I wasn't sure how much of the culture we would keep.  But after traveling my mind changed.  We are keeping as much culture as the girls will allow.  We joined the local culture group, attend their outings, and are learning the language in anticipation of a trip back home in 10 years.

Traveling to their birth country was the best thing for us as a family.  We took our bio boys with us so they could see where their sisters came from.  This also helped them to appreciate all that they have.

Seeing their birth country hasn't changed my parenting style.  Unless you count the culture/language "lessons" that are thrown in to our daily lives.

I highly recommend traveling to your child's birth country.  Especially with your adopted children as often as possible. My first daughter has already been back once and loved it.  She talks about it all the time and asks when we are going back.  She has an itinerary already set up for us for our next trip.

Answer 9

Hi Jennifer,

Because of health problems i was not able to leave the country but my husband did.  We have every intention of returning within the next 2 yrs and re-visiting DD's family.  

My husband said it was life changing.  So many things we take for granted here.  The culture was amazing and the people were so gracious.  It may not be a wealthy country but they were rich in what counts the most humanity.  

Answer 10

PAP, plan to travel, we are early in the process but likely adopting from Korea.  We want to travel to get a sense of the country/culture, to have something to share with the child about their country of origin, to get a chance to meet the child's caregivers and to hopefully make the child's transition a little smoother.  I think a child's being able to meet his/her adoptive parents in a setting that is familiar may make the transition to living with new people in a new country a little smoother, although I cannot come close to imagining how traumatic that must be.

Answer 11

I had to stay for 6 weeks in my daughter's birth country.  It was a wonderful experience!  Because my daughter was very young (6 months)  I don't know if it really lent any perspective as to how I need to parent or raise her.  what I mean is that she didn't have any language, nor had she been enculturated to their culture when I adopted her.  But, I do talk to her about her birth country, and have always just matter-of-factly talked to her about where she's from and how we stayed there and lived in an apartment with her during that time.  as she gets older i'll share with her anything I know and encourage her to ask about her culture.  I make it a point to introduce her to other kids from her country as well as other Asian kids adopted from other countries so that she will hopefully grow up with pride in her heritage and the fact that she was adopted.  

Answer 12

Most just stay in the nearby hotels/motels recommended by the agencies for the time required.  Occasionally a Pap can afford to take a touristy side trip but that about it. Sad, pathetic and unfortunate,  huh.  

Answer 13

Hey Jennifer - not the AP here but I know that my parents adopted two of us from my country & they did not have to visit.  However, they were required to visit when they went to Ecuador to adopt.