Invited to out-of-state wedding, too much to ask...???

Question

My boyfriend and I are invited to my boyfriend's cousin's wedding. The problem is that the wedding is in Dallas, TX and we're located in So Cal. We're both in college so, obviously, money is kind of tight. Also, my boyfriend was asked to be an usher at the wedding and has kind of agreed, but not formally confirmed to going. We did some number crunching and it'll cost almost a grand to drive there and back, pay for lodgings, etc. Would it be horribly rude to turn down the invitation. The wedding is in early August.

Answer 1

If he's in college and it's a cousin, why aren't his parents paying for him to go?

Answer 2

It's not horribly rude to tell someone that you prefer not to starve or go bankrupt. I'm sure that they will understand. Just send a nice gift, and a letter(NOT an e-mail!!) expressing your regrets at being unable to attend.

Answer 3

The only rude thing in this scenario is the flip-floppiness of your boyfriends answer. I had my own flip-flopper- if she had just told me no from the beginning I would have been totally fine with that,  but she waited until it was almost too late for me to replace her and it has really damaged my relationship with her. I am sure your boyfriends cousins will be totally understanding of your situation and not be upset with you for not coming, just call and let them know right away. Then send a nice gift with a sweet note of regret for not being able to attend and a hope to see them soon.

Answer 4

No, just tell them as soon as possible so they can find someone to be an usher in his place.  Also, just as an option, since it is his cousin, maybe since you both can't afford to go, just he can fly there and stay with a family member?

Answer 5

People want to marry where they choose and if their relatives are in another state or another country from the wedding location, it isn't too much to 'ask' if they can come.  

Since the wedding is now only a few WEEKS away, you and your boyfriend really need to contact those cousins ASAP and tell them you cannot afford to make it and won't be able to attend their wedding.

It wouldn't be rude to decline, but you should do it quickly because your BF has been asked to take part in the wedding.

Answer 6

No..Sooner you do it the better so they can find another usher.

Just tell them nicely about it and they should be fine with it since the money issue most people understand right now.

Answer 7

If you don't have it, you don't have it!

Just tell them as soon as possible!

Answer 8

Nope, it isn't rude at all. The couple must know that you are students and that money isn't exactly no object! Just tell them asap, and send a small gift or something.

Answer 9

Nope, it is not rude. Just thank your bf's cousin, wish him the best, and send a card and or gift. It's lovely that he wants you to be there, but if it doesn't work for you financially, there's no reason to break the bank to try to make it there. He will understand.

Answer 10

Have you considered going by train, or bus?

You may be able to crunch down the numbers even more.

Maybe booking a flight will even be more affordable...

(There are some flights that you can get rather cheap)!

You just have to ask around!

It is not rude to turn down the invitation.

If your bf and his family are close to the cousin......

you may want to exhaust every effort before doing so!

A little more research into bus trips or flights

might just be the answer.

Answer 11

No, it's not rude to decline the invitation, an invitation is just that, an invite.  It's not a jury summons.  You need to tell them quickly, so that they can find another usher, and adjust their seating for the reception.  They may be coming close to the date for their final head count for the caterer.  

Here's another suggestion, since he's kind of agreed to serve as an usher, how much would it cost to buy a plane ticket for him only?  Look on southwest.com--I know they run deals in and out of LAX all the time.  It will also be easier for him to bunk at a relatives house--even if it's just a sleeping bag on someone's sofa, if you're not along.  That way, you're really only talking airfare.  My husband and I have had to do that a few times in our marriage, when it just didn't make sense financially for us both to be at a family event.  We sent the person who was in the family.  

EIther way, you guys need to get off the fence quickly--and let the couple know asap.  Dilly dallying on this would be rude.

p.s.  I just checked Southwest, out of curiousity--round trip out of LAX to Dallas (love field) was $341 per person--that's with a 2 week advance purchase.  Even for both of you--that's less than $1000.  Check priceline.com as well.  Good luck!