Inviting one roommate, but not the other?

Question

I have 2 good friends living together, let's call them d**k and Jane. They are not in a relationship. I am fine with inviting Jane to our wedding. The problem is d**k. He constantly picks fights with my fiance. He often tells me what a bad decision I am making. When my friends all go out, if he is the host, he won't invite me any more because he wants to avoid my fiance. He gets drunk very often, and is very angry when this happens. But when my fiance is not there, he treats me as good as he always did. d**k, Jane, my fiance, and I have many overlapping friends.

I would really like Jane to come to the wedding, but I do not want d**k there. Because they live together, is there any way to invite Jane without d**k? Or is it rude, and I should just suck it up and have d**k there? And Jane is single-- if I write "and guest" on the invitation, can I tell her that she cannot bring d**k?

Answer 1

it is fine that you don't invite d**k to your wedding, but you invite Jane.  They are not a couple, and since d**k can't seem to be around your fiance with out picking a fight, there is no reason to expect him to act any different just because it is your wedding.  Talk to him about it, and tell him how you feel, explain how you don't want to have any "incidents" at your wedding, and you know that he doesn't like your intended, even bring up that he no longer invites you to his events because he doesn't want you fiance coming.  Explain that while you care for him and his friendship, this is the person that you have decided to spend your life with, and despite d**k's misgivings about  your decision, you are going through with hit and hope that one day that d**k and your fiance can learn to be civil if not more with each other so that you can include him(d**k) in your important events.  Suggest that you and your fiance and d**k and his significant other get together and try to come up with some common ground between them.  Remind d**k that since he is your friend, he doesn't have to love your fiance, but if he cares about you, then he will atleast make the effort to get along with him for your sake, and the same for your fiance.  Good luck.  

(with the stress of a wedding, you do not want to add anything that will only cause you more stress or actually cause a "incident" so don't let anyone tell you that you should invite d**k)

Answer 2

Do not write "and guest" on the invitation. Jane is probably socially competent enough that she can mingle at a party for one evening even without a personal escort. But if you feel that she needs an escort, ask her "is there someone in particular you would like me to invite as a companion for you?" and then send that person their own invitation.

Answer 3

So d**k is acting the d**k about your boyfriend! I wouldn't invite him, Do you really think he would go?

Answer 4

Personally give her the invitation and tell her he is not welcome. It's your wedding. You shouldn't have to invite people you don't care for.

Answer 5

I think you should visit when both of them are there, and while they are both in the room say, "I am dropping off an invitation for Jane."  

And then say, "d**k, I didn't bring one for you, because I know that you don't even like my fiance ---  but Jane can bring you home some cake."

Privately ask Jane to not bring him as a guest, this is your day and you dont want to take a chance that he gets drunk and makes a scene.

Answer 6

If they are not in a relationship don't invite d**k if you feel uncomfortable.  If he wants to know why, I would be straight and tell him why.  I would just invite Jane and be done with it.  Your wedding day is not the day for bad feelings and being uncomfortable.

Answer 7

Invite Jane and not d**k. Do not feel bad. He obviously doesn't feel bad about how he treats you. Whatever you do, do not give in and let him come...he could ruin your wedding.

Answer 8

Well its a tough situation but if he doesnt support the marriage why invite him?